The Diva's Mom

Labor Frustration: Prodromal Labor

2012-02-12T19:19:00.001-05:00

I know I haven't posted much recently. No excuse other than exhaustion and my hubby stealing my laptop at night.

Last Monday, at my 35 week appointment, I had my Group B Strep test (negative!!! CAN I GET A WOOP WOOP!!!) and went ahead and let my midwife check me for dilation. I was iffy on whether or not I'd do cervical checks until 39+ weeks this time, but considering I went to 6 cms not in active labor last time, I decided that it might be a good idea to know if anything was happening. So she checked me and said I was at 2-3cms, 50% effaced and a -1 station.

The Friday before that I'd began having contractions, fairly regularly from 5-10pm. Obviously they did something.

Last night I performed my first "walk of shame" at the hospital. I'd been having contractions since 1pm, felt horrible, had had several loose bowel movements, and was nervous about the weather. At 6pm, as we were heading to stay with my sister, I began having semi-strong contractions that were happening every 4 minutes. We went to dinner, and they kept up. Finally it had been almost 3 hours, we were already in Lexington, so I went into the hospital "just in case."

My dilation hadn't changed, and the nurse who hooked me up to the monitors was, well, annoying. There's one nurse at my hospital who refuses to work with my midwives patients, so I don't know if that is who it was, if she was having a bad day, or what. When she was asking me all the normal questions, she said something about my last delivery. I said I had an abnormal labor, and she asked what was abnormal about it. I told her, and she said that my labor hadn't been abnormal, that I didn't have prodromal labor, and that I had an irritable uterus.

The way she acted made me kind of cry-y. I was already frustrated we had made a pointless trip, that with this labor it's difficult to know when "this is it" and she was just NOT helpful. Plus, when she checked my cervix, it freaking HURT.

We went back to my sisters house and I googled both irritable uterus and prodromal labor, and dear Miss Nurse, I beg to differ. An irritable uterus is contractions caused by activity and other factors that do NOT change the cervix. Prodromal Labor are contractions that can go on for hours or days (to weeks) at varying intervals, but usually DO change the cervix.

With Keevia, I began having contractions at 35 weeks. At my 35 week appointment I was 3 cms, 50% effaced at a +2 station (sound familiar minus the station??). 36 weeks was the same. 37 weeks I was 4cms and about 60% effaced. Same at 38 weeks. 39 weeks I was 5cms and 75% effaced. I had my membranes stripped. Next day I went to the hospital (before a 2 hour trip home) and was at 6cms. They kept me, even though I wasn't having "actual labor". They broke my water the next morning, and I eventually had Keevia at 11:10pm. With Keevia, I never went into labor on my own (or at least "active" labor). Keevia was posterior until I started pushing, and I just KNEW that that was my whole problem.

I have been very proactive of making sure this little lady is anterior, and yet at 35 weeks (almost on the nose!) my contractions started up again.

The thing with prodromal labor is that you DO have contractions. Most of them aren't so strong that you can't talk or walk through them, but they are there! And unlike Braxton Hicks contractions, they don't go away if you lay down, or drink water, or rest. Sometimes activity brings them on, sometimes it doesn't. Usually you have a period of time every day that they get worse (mine is from 6-10pm), but you can have them at other times as well.

Contractions can come as often as every two-three minutes, or come every ten to twenty. Sometimes you'll have a contraction at 6:05, 6:08, 6:15, 6:17, 6:25.... sometimes (like mine were last night) they're like clockwork.

What I'm dealing with most is exhaustion (because lets face it, contractions are tiring. Especially when you have them just about all day every day), and frustration. I'm frustrated that my body does this. I'm frustrated that I'm 2 hours from the hospital. I'm frustrated that I may make it to a 5-6cms again and not be in active labor. What would we do then? My husband can't just take off work and sit at my sisters with me, waiting for something to happen. I don't necessarily want to break my water like I did last time. I'm frustrated that I might miss the beginnings of "active" labor because I'm so used to constant contractions that my husband might not make it to the hospital. Last time we had a wonderful full hospital room when I delivered (me, Carl, my Mom, my sister, my Mother In law, my sister in law and my chiropractor). This time, I honestly don't care who makes it, as long as my hubby does. I'm even scared that WE won't make it to the hospital.

So please forgive me if I don't post often. I'm really living day to day. I'm trying to just live my life and continue preparing for this little girl to make her appearance, without letting the contractions rule my life. On the bright side, I have little to no pain with the contractions, and therefore have little to no pain getting to 5-6 centimeters. If I lived, you know, 10 minutes from the hospital, it would be fantastic! But living close to 2 hours....well... not so much.

Prayers would be MUCH welcomed. Pray for peace of mind for me and my family, and pray that labor makes itself known when it's really time. Pray that I make it to the hospital, and Carl does as well. And pray for my frustration levels, as they seem to be out of control right now. I really, really appreciate those prayers!

Weaned? Maybe Not...

2012-01-17T09:13:00.000-05:00

I had fully intended on nursing Keevia past two years. That was my goal. So I was a little heartbroken when, due both to my supply tanking and her teething, she weaned at 17 months.

Back in September my husbands first cousin gave birth to a BEAUTIFUL little girl. She decided to breastfeed (really, in our family it's not a choice. Everyone does it. It's just what you do. This is why I love my family), and so Keevia got her first real view of nursing.

Let me just state now that I am SO glad that B (Carl's cousin) isn't shy about it, because my kiddo likes to stick her face two inches away from B's boob and be all "What she dooooooooing?" and then I explain how she's eating, and she's nursing her mommy, and do you remember nursing your mommy? And Keevia always answers yes, and continues to stand two centimeters away, kind of just staring in awe.

Well since she's been exposed to it more, she now wants to "nurse" mommy again. Not in the literal sense, but she snuggles down (usually when she's going to sleep) and just presses her face against my breast. She'll even whisper "I nursing mommy" and close her eyes. It's quite possibly the cutest thing in the world.

Earlier this week, on a night when she was fighting sleep particularly hard, we talked about when baby girl comes out, she's going to nurse mommy's boobies. And she was SO excited. She even leaned over and hugged my belly while saying "I love baby ____ SOOOOOOO much!" It's moments like this that I just want to stop time and be in this moment forever. I can't wait to have TWO girls, but I know how drastically my life is going to change -- and how it's going to change my relationship with Kee.

I'm so happy that she remembers nursing (however much she does) and that it's something that still, almost 10 months after we stopped, brings us both such joy. I can't wait to nurse her sister, and any other babies we have.

And if she really does want to nurse when the baby gets here? I think I'd be okay with that too!

32 weeks!

2012-01-17T00:19:00.001-05:00

*gulp*

I just wrote that. 32 weeks. That means I have 8 weeks to go. 8 weeks is two months.

HOLY CRAP.

Plus, if you take into account the fact that I went at 39 weeks last time.

HOLY CRAP.

I still haven't gained much, if any weight (in fact, from 28 weeks to 31 weeks I lost a 1/2 lb (thanks stomach virus). I started this pregnancy out at 245ish (my scale) and now I'm 235ish. My face has slimmed down SO much, as have my ribs and my legs. SO not complaining! I'm hoping to keep it up and actually LOSE weight while breastfeeding this time!

Keevia (or well, my uterus) always measured a week behind (so if I were 30 weeks, my uterus measured 29 weeks). This little lady always measures a week ahead. So, um, I'm 2 weeks bigger than I was with Keevia.

I definitely FEEL bigger. I'm having "issues" right now that I didn't have for at least another month last time (turning over in bed, bending over, picking things up). I also have SO much more shortness of breath this time around, but it gets better if I lay down, so I have a feeling its my uterus pushing against my lungs (that and the fact that neither my asthma inhaler NOR my oregano oil helps). I'm excited for her to drop so I can breath better, NOT excited for her to drop because of that "falling out" feeling!

I'm big on drinking chocolate (Ovaltine) milk right now. Also big on bananas (trying to keep foot cramps at bay) and other fruit. I have a hard time thinking of food to eat (that doesn't have wheat). Meat is still an issue, I really have issues eating it some days.

I have a knee or a foot or a something that likes to try and push out right under my right rib cage, that can be quite painful. She ALWAYS wakes up when I lay down and is extremely active.

Knowing that I'm possibly 5 weeks away from meeting my sweet girl is just mind blowing. I'm not scared about delivery at all, just scared/worried about what we'll do with Keevia. My mom and Carl will (hopefully!) both be at the hospital with me, but I need both of them in the room with me. My dad is going to drive up from his work if I go into labor while he's at work, but that's an hour and a half away. If, for some reason, he waits until we GET to the hospital and then leaves, well, I just hope he makes it. I don't have a problem with Keevia being in the delivery room when I deliver at all, in fact I think it would be pretty awesome... but I don't want her freaking out either. I know my sister will be near, and my mother in law and sister in law will probably come up, as well as friends... it's just I don't know how quickly this labor will go. I hope it's quicker than last time (24+ hrs in the hospital before delivering) but I also hope it's not like SUPER fast (we live an hour and a half from the hospital, and my hubby is, at times, 3 hours away). But as for the actual DELIVERY, I'm not stressed at all! ha!

It's crazy how much our lives will change, but I can't wait. I'm starting to really get into nesting mode though, I can feel it!

Tainted

2012-01-16T10:01:00.001-05:00

Having a miscarriage is hard. When it happens you think that it can never get any better, and you just feel....empty.

But it does get better. It takes time. Sometimes it takes getting pregnant again. Sometimes not. But one day you look up and realize you haven't thought about it that day. Or that you're smiling. And that it's okay.

But, even as you begin to heal, you never FULLY get over it. Just like with any loss.

I'm tainted.

I hate seeing friends announce their pregnancies on facebook, and then in the comments section state that they're only 5 weeks pregnant. My mind AUTOMATICALLY thinks horror thoughts, and I think how they should have waited to announce. Every time I see an update from them I cringe a little. And OH!!! Oh how I pray and stalk their feeds when they go to that first appointment.

Tainted.

Even with this pregnancy, I held out and held out announcing it until we had that first appointment. I NEEDED to see that heartbeat on the screen. And the fear? Oh the fear. No expectant parent should ever have to go into a ultrasound and not really feel excitement, just an overwhelming, heartwrenching fear.

Even now, at almost 32 weeks pregnant, I still feel like I'm holding my breath. And this is my second pregnancy after a loss. I'm actually SO much calmer and more relaxed than I was with Keevia. I've allowed myself to chill out more, and not overanalyze every little symptom... but it's still there in the back of my mind.

I just really wish sometimes, that I could go back. Go back and not have this fear in the back of my throat at every appointment. Not have to go into my first prenatal appointment almost in tears. Just be able to look at pregnancy normal. But I can't. I'm tainted.

And that's okay.

Because now I have a heart for the miscarriage survivors. I have a heart for the baby loss moms. I can minister to those who have lost a baby. I can pray hard for those going into their first appointment. I can honestly tell someone "I know how you feel" as I cry with them, be it over the internet or in person.

I'm tainted, but I'm tainted for a reason.

The Basics of Babywearing

2012-01-13T20:14:00.001-05:00

I already talk about babywearing on here a lot, so forgive me if you're an experienced baby wearer, or just not interested at all, but it's such a HUGE part of my life and HUGE part of my parenting style, I have to try and share the love!

I'm writing this post because I feel like I've either emailed or facebook messaged this to several of my friends in the past few months, so I thought it would be nice to just direct them here instead of typing it out numerous times! And maybe you can do the same for your friends if asked. :)

If you are pregnant, or have a newborn, go ahead and start reading here. If you have an older baby (15lbs+) skip ahead a paragraph! If you already know about babywearing, but want my money-saving tips, skip to the bottom!

My number one choice for a newborn carrier is a Moby wrap or a Boba wrap (same concept, two different companies). This wrap is made out of a t-shirt like material. You don't have to treat it special (like you would have to with a non-stretchy woven wrap) and apparently it's perfect for newborn snuggles. I never had one with Keevia (mainly because I'm cheap, and they aren't) but I've managed to score two for this new baby. I love wrapping, and I think a stretchy wrap would be PERFECT for tiny ones! There IS a learning curve for a wrap of any kind, but finding someone who has used it before, or merely spending a few minutes on Youtube can usually help! I tried out one of my wraps at a babywearing meeting this week and I cannot WAIT for my little girl to get here! The only downside to this wrap is that it IS a stretchy wrap. Therefore a lot of moms have complained about it not being comfortable past 15 lbs (although moms I talked to at the meeting were wearing 1 and 2 year olds in them!). You can also use smaller Mei Tei's for newborns (which is what we did with Keevia. She made her babywearing debut in a Wal-Mart at 2 days old in a home-made Mei Tei!). I do NOT recommend using a Bjorn or Snugli style carrier (these carriers have whats called "crotch dangle" which is A) not comfy for mama and B) can be detrimental to baby's spine) nor a pouch sling. I have absolutely no experience with ring slings (something I need to try, ha!).

If you have a bigger baby, a stretchy wrap may not be your best option. If you're looking to transition into baby wearing, or out of a stretchy, you have a TON of options. If you wrapped with your newborn and simply adored it, you may want to look into a woven wrap. While these can be the priciest of carriers, they can also go from birth until the end of your babywearing days. I don't personally own a woven wrap (I would LOVE to, but just don't right now) I have numerous babywearing friends who swear by them. The difference between a woven wrap and a stretchy wrap is simple. Moby and Boba wraps, which are made out of a stretchy t-shirt like material, well, they stretch -- a lot sometimes, and that causes them to be less supportive with an older child. A woven wrap does NOT stretch (or has very minimal stretch) and allows you to wear throughout your toddler years. There are a TON of options with a woven wrap, from brand, to colors, to the material it's made out of. I've heard at a 100% cotton wrap is recommended for beginners. Some brands to look into are Didymos, Girasol and Vatanai. There are also a variety of sizes when it comes to wrapping. It's kind of overwhelming when you first start looking into it... but wrapping is definitely the most versatile of carriers. You can wear the baby on your front, back, or hip, and there are numerous "carries" for each position. Again, youtube is your friend! :)

If wraps are a little too daunting for your taste, then a Asian Inspired or Soft-Structured carrier may be a better choice for you. In my opinion, these are the most user friendly. All of these carriers snap on at your waist (just like, say, a fanny pack) then you sit the baby against your chest (or your back for an older baby) and pull the carrier up over your arms. They wear just like a backpack (if you're doing a back carry), and are very comfy. They all include a "chest clip" that clips to ensure the straps don't slip off your shoulders and also adds more support. I own (or have owned) four of the major brands. They're very similar, but have a lot small differences. The ones I own are the Boba 2g (I now own a 3g, but a review will have to wait until this little lady makes her appearance!), Beco Butterfly 1 (Ahem, I would really like to try out a Gemini....) and a Ergo Carrier. I also own an Onya Baby Carrier, but as of yet haven't really got to use it (I have to purchase the waist extender and just haven't done so yet...). Check out my reviews of the Boba, and the Beco & Ergo. All of these carriers are anywhere from $125-150 when purchased new. With the Boba 3g and the Beco Butterfly 2, you can go from birth (7-8 lbs) through toddlerhood. With the Ergo, you need to purchase an additional infant insert. The Onya is only marketed for 15lbs+ (The Boba 2g is the same way). Onya recommends you use as wrap for the newborn stages. The MAJOR difference between these carriers is the rise (how tall) the carrier is. Onya baby has made up this great, handy little chart that is oh so helpful! That chart also gives you an idea of HOW MANY different SSC's there are. I simply listed the ones I own (or have tried).

The Beco Butterfly (I'm unsure about the Gemini) has a inner harness that allows you to get the baby on your back with less stress. However, if you plan on nursing in the Beco, it is slightly more difficult to do. The Onya has a neat little feature that allows you to use the carrier as a high chair by using certain buckles. The Onya and the Beco Gemini allow you to criss-cross the straps when using a front carry for extra support. The Boba 3g also has a hand dandy purse strap thing that lets you snap your purse/diaper bag straps onto the shoulder of the carrier. SO nice.

I highly, highly, HIGHLY recommend either doing a carrier trial (both Heavenly Hold & PAXBaby do this) or finding a baby wearing meeting near you. All of these carriers have their positives and negatives, but honestly, you need to find which one works for YOU and fits YOU the best. The Ergo does NOT work for my body type. The Boba does. I have friends who are the exact opposite. I had HUGE buyers remorse on my Ergo because it fit me so poorly, but they fit other mamas perfectly! It's not a fault with the carrier in any way, it's just that certain carriers fit certain body styles better. So please, before you buy, either do an $8 trial (through Heavenly Hold) or buy through PAX where you can return it within 90 days. Or, like I said, go to a babywearers meeting. I went to my first one earlier this week, and would have been able to try both a Boba and a Beco there. Most places that sell them also let you try them on, HOWEVER, make sure that you put your baby IN it and let them STAY in it for at least 10+ minutes. That's the only way you will know if it works or not. Seriously DO NOT SKIP THIS STEP!

Now, I realize you're a new mom. And I realize that all these carriers I listed cost $40+. That's if you buy them new. I have purchased one carrier (my Ergo) at full price. The rest of them I have either won (Onya and Boba 3g) bought on sale (Boba 2g from Zulily), or purchased used (Moby and Beco Butterfly). You have to be patient, and you have to be watchful. Stalk your local children's resale places. I scored a Moby at Once Upon a Child for $20 earlier this week. Stalk Craig's List if you live in a city. Stalk Spot's Corner (as of right now there are Beco's and a Ergo on there for around $60, and a Babyhawk Mei Tei for $50). Join The Baby Wearer and stalk their For Sale or Trade forums. You may not be able to get the EXACT pattern you want (unless you're patient, or lucky), but you probably will get a fantastic deal (half off or better!). Spot's is probably my top choice here. I see Beco's on there ALL the time, and have seen numerous Ergo's and Boba's recently too. There have even been wraps on there. Save up your money ($50-80 or whatever you're willing to spend) and then be ready to POUNCE.

So... that's babywearing in a nutshell. Stay away from Bjorn's and Snugli's. Invest in a good carrier and you will thank yourself SO MANY TIMES OVER! And please, PLEASE email me if you have any questions! Feel free to leave comments as well, but if you want a response, make sure your email is listed in your profile!

Food Fight!

2012-01-04T10:00:00.000-05:00

I have a problem. It's something that drives me crazy, and yet its something that is SO changeable.

Everywhere we go, whenever we eat somewhere, I always hear people say "I wish my kid would eat like yours!" which is ALWAYS followed by "My child will only eat chicken nuggets!" I've also heard other foods, but throughout this post I'm using chicken nuggets as an example, because honestly it's what I hear the most.

Well... they could eat as well as mine. Honest.

It just bugs me. I don't feed my daughter an all 100% vegan organic diet. Not by a LONG shot. But she doesn't demand JUST one food either. Why? Because she isn't offered chicken nuggets at every meal. In fact, she MIGHT be offered them once a week. And then she usually eats a few bites and is done.

I think part of it comes from the fact that I don't buy much (if any!) processed food for around the house. I can't. I can't afford it. If she DOES have chicken nuggets at home, it's ones I've made (and by the way, she goes crazy for those!). One of my favorite ways to fix them is to cut of chicken tenders or breasts, dredge them in an egg, then dredge them in a mix of flour (or cornmeal now that I can't eat flour), salt, pepper, garlic, paprika and shredded Parmesan cheese. Bake at 400 degrees for about 10-12 minutes (until done in the middle and brown on the outside) and viola! Chicken nuggets! It might take, oh, I don't know, 20 minutes tops and is SO MUCH HEALTHIER than processed meat! Plus you control EVERYTHING that goes into them!

You have to OFFER healthy foods for your child to EAT healthy foods. Yes, K eats mac and cheese. Yes she eats carrots, broccoli, Brussels sprouts. Yes, sometimes her lunch is a few bites of apple and a string cheese. But you want to know what her favorite food is? What she cries for? Soup. Yes, soup. It doesn't really matter to her if its vegetable beef, chicken or chili. She simply loves soup. And it's so easy to make HEALTHY soup from scratch!

I just don't understand stating "I wish my child would eat like yours" when they WOULD if you simply offered them different things. Stop offering chicken nuggets (unless you make them yourself) and start offering healthy choices. Chicken nuggets and fries can be healthy if you make it yourself and bake both instead of deep frying! Step out of the frozen aisle and start shopping around the outside of the grocery store (dairy, meat, bread, veggies). It usually only takes 10-20 minutes longer to make it from scratch than it does to heat it up in the microwave.

No time for that? Heck! Cereal is healthier than fast food. That's what we had for dinner last night! Even my husband!

Your toddler or child is not going to starve themselves. We have a rule that K has to try ONE bite of something new, if she doesn't like it, she doesn't have to eat any more. It's not about forcing your kid to eat something they hate, but about encouraging them to experience new foods and new flavors. If she turns her nose up what I've fixed, that's fine. But she's not getting junk food fifteen minutes later either. She's welcome to have something else (cheese sandwich, peanut butter, apple, etc), but not candy, chips or the like.

So yes, sometimes my toddler has cheerios and brussel sprouts for dinner. Sometimes she has salsa, chicken and cheese dip. The point I'm trying to make is that she eats a VARIETY of foods. Some super healthy, some not so much. But she'll try foods, because we OFFER foods. She's not stuck on eating ONE thing (other than those little Cutie oranges right now...), but will eat a variety of different foods. She's a toddler, so sometimes a long time love (eggs, oatmeal, peanut butter) suddenly drops from her love cycle.... but we have many other old favorites, and a LOT of new foods to try.

We survived!

2012-01-02T18:21:00.000-05:00

This holiday season has kicked our butts.

Literally.

K came down on Christmas day with a 103.7 fever and vomiting. With the help of my mom, we made it through that night. She felt better the next day, then slowly started declining. Her temp was around 99.1 and she had sinus issues. The drainage would make her throw up, and she just felt SO bad. Also, there was a boil forming in her groin area. On Thursday we headed to the chiropractor (her C2 vertebrae was out) and then we headed to the pediatrician. The pedi wasn't in (holidays), but the nurse practitioner that we saw this time LAST year was. She gave us a round of bactrim (to cover the boil and the sinuses) and some decongestants.

Keevia threw up again that night. The next day she acted like she was feeling better. On Friday evening she fell asleep in our bed, and we stayed up a little bit. She woke up around 10pm coughing. I was having some, shall we say, intestinal difficulties myself. We knew she would end up throwing up (She always coughs before puking) so we didn't try to put her back to bed. I had just went back to the bathroom when Carl had to set her down to get a sippy. She came in to the bathroom with me and started coughing. Next thing I know she's throwing up IN MY HAND. I'm pregnant. I was already having tummy troubles. I turned and started throwing up in the bathtub. She kept throwing up, as did I, and I managed to croak out "call mom!"

Mom came over and sent me to bed shortly after, when it was evident that I had a virus. She slept with K that night and had to change her diaper about 3 times. I stayed in the bathroom all night, and chilled, but never ran a high fever (99.6 was where I topped off). Mom took K back to her house on Saturday for a little while, where SHE started getting sick. We stopped the antibiotic to try and make the diarrehea better (or at least not worse). K started feeling a lot better by Saturday evening, the rest of us (Carl came down with it on Saturday as well) not so much. On Saturday night I ended up pulling her toddler mattress in our bedroom because I desperately wanted to sleep that night, but I didn't want her all the way across the house in case she started throwing up again. It worked WONDERFULLY. She slept on her mattress from midnight until six am, then came in bed with us.

Sunday morning Mom and I woke up feeling bad, but by that afternoon we felt decent. I even did 2-3 loads of laundry and cleaned the living room last night! Carl still feels/felt horrible. My Dad got it VERY mildly (he's been pushing probiotics and vitamin D like crazy for the past week or so though because people at work were so sick).

I brought Keevia over to Mom's this morning (per usual) to have breakfast, and as she was changing her diaper, she said "Bring me a sharp pin and some medicine." Keevia's boil had (PRAISE THE LORD)came to a head! It took me, Mamaw & Papaw to hold her down, but with one little prick she drained it. NO SURGERY!!!!!!! We started the Bactrim back up and started putting Bactriband on it with a small bandaid. I gave her a hot bath and changed the bandaid earlier today (very traumatic). It's not easy, but so much easier than surgery would have been.

Keep the boil in your prayers. It's looking so much better, but it could still flair back up. We're so thankful that we look to be not having to deal with a surgery!

I had to reschedule my 30 week appointment (Um... THAT MEANS I ONLY HAVE 10 WEEKS TO GO!)today because of our sickies, but the positive is that I'll actually be in Lexington on the same day as the babywearing meeting! I've NEVER got to go because of scheduling conflicts and I am SO freaking excited. They're doing newborn carries as well! I'm hoping to get to feel a "real" wrap!

I hope your holiday season was better than ours!!!

Keevia's funnies of the week

2011-12-30T02:00:00.000-05:00

I don't have the energy to post the other posts I have planned in my head. K has been sick since Christmas night and I'm dead on my feet. She's up right now (at 1:43 am) after puking all over the wall beside our bed... so I thought I'd write down these little funnies to keep me going.

Carl was laying on the couch in just his PJ pants. Keevia came up to him and pointed to his chest and said "What's this?" He responded with "Daddy's booby" She then pointed to his nipple and said "What's this?" and he said "Daddy's nipple." She kind of squeezed it a little, then walked away. He then began talking to me about how she would now need therapy, etc. She came back a moment later with a bottle nipple she's been playing with for a few weeks and laid it gently on his nipple. We DIED laughing.

Keevia threw up all over her bed and herself late last night (after 10pm). My mom (who lives beside me) has always told me that if I need her at night, to call. Carl usually has to be up at 5 am, but since Mom and I are both "stay-at-home" people, we can sleep in if need be. I basically have the best mother in the world. Anyway. As I was stripping her off in the bathroom, trying to get her in the bathtub, and she was screaming every breath, I called Mom and said 'I need you.' So she headed over (literally two minutes away). I had K in the bathtub, hosing her off when she walked in. Keevia (who HATES to throw up) was screaming BLOODY MURDER every breath, but when Mamaw walked in, she never stopped screaming, but she raised her little hand and waved. So adorable, and so funny.

Keevia started off the week of sickness with a stomach virus on Christmas day. She would throw up, be screaming, and go "I sawwie, I sawwie, I sawwie". She was so miserable, but she was still worried she was upsetting us.

I have the best toddler in the world.

Please keep her in your prayers. Not only that she gets over this sinus infection she has right now quickly, but also because she has another boil forming. If you don't remember, or didn't follow us then, she had to have outpatient surgery at 18 months to have a non-MRSA boil drained. They told us she was much more likely to get another one, and she did. It's in a different place, but still in her diaper area. I plan on hardcore trying to potty train her once she gets over the fever/sinus infection thing to try and reduce the wet/moist area, and we're trying some home remedies (oregano oil, tea tree oil, etc). Plus they put her on Bactrim today for both the sinuses and her boil. Just pray it comes to a head and we can drain it, and that it requires NO surgery to do so. It was literally the WORST day of my life last time, I'd rather not repeat it. Pray and pray hard, PLEASE!!!

Alright, going to snuggle my sniffly baby now. Babywearing & Hairbow review post coming SOON. Promise.

Desires

2011-12-16T09:30:00.058-05:00

And no, this post isn't about those desires. Get your head out of the gutter.

I've always had the desire to be a mother. It was always the strongest desire that I held. In fact, when Carl and I got married, we didn't get the usual "Wait a while!" speech from any family member, because I think they knew it would fall on deaf ears. We both desired children SO much.

Now I have my girls (well, almost the plural), and I couldn't be happier. But I've noticed some other desires creeping up in my life.

1. I want to write a book. This is a desire I've had for a while, but it's really been surfacing recently. I have SO many story ideas, from science fiction to chick lit. I have a hard time sitting down to write though, even when I WANT to write. I had a professor in college named Dr. Starr, and he always said that when the story was right, you wouldn't be able to ignore it. Maybe my story just isn't there yet.

2. I want to have a restaurant. This one has been popping up in my head even more, especially when I'm out in town and hear people lament how they wish we had a good, sit down restaurant where they could get GOOD country cooking. That's exactly what I want to do! Make country food, from scratch. Seasonal food that changes with what's fresh. Home-made pastries and desserts, hand breaded chicken fingers, hand cut french fries.... I'd be open five days a week with a limited lunch menu, and two-three days a week with a dinner menu. Can you tell I've thought this out? I have a lot of issues cooking when I'm pregnant, so I haven't been in the kitchen a lot recently, but I'm starting to itch to get back in. Food calms me, and I don't mean that EATING food calms me. I mean that cooking it calms me. It mellows me. It makes me happy. I love coming up with recipes and cooking for crowds. I hate dishes though, so that might be a problem. I know nothing can happen on this desire until my girls are older though!

3. I want to be a doula. This is something I've held close to me for a while. I LOVE the idea of helping someone through this amazing time in their life. I LOVE the idea of using my knowledge to make someones journey easier. I LOVE the idea of being there to see beautiful babies enter this world. I didn't use a doula with either of my pregnancies, but if we had lived far away from family, I probably would have. My momma acted as my doula (in addition to my wonderful hubby) as far as being supportive and being my advocate. Before I determined that nursing was not a career choice for me, I wanted to go as far as becoming a midwife. Now I'd be more than happy to settle for being a doula!

4. I want a farm. This is one that could be achievable in the next few years with a little investment. We have the land for it, and my mother shares my desires. I would love have a cow, a few goats, and chickens. I'm so very intrigued by the idea of raw milk and would LOVE to serve it to my entire family, but we have no dairy producers anywhere near us. I'd also love to make my own cheese (see desire #2!), both cows milk and goats milk. I would ADORE to be as self-reliant as possible. It may be something we try and achieve (especially as the economy continues to tank) in the next few years.

I have desires, but I have my biggest desire already. I'm the Mommy to an adorable, hilarious, loving little two year old, and soon-to-be Mommy to another darling little lady. I think it's good to have desires, or dreams, that keep you learning. Education isn't about academia, it's about learning. I want to continue to learn as much as I can about each of my desires and implement them as I go.

What are your desires?

Oh! And if you leave a comment, PLEASE make sure your email address is listed in your profile or list it in your comment. I want to respond to you, but if I don't have an email address, I can't! I need to make the switch to Wordpress....

The Stresses of Christmas

2011-12-15T11:38:00.000-05:00

I love Christmas. Really, I do. It's when we celebrate the fact that God sent his son to earth as a human to save us from our sins. Christmas is awesome.

But Christmas stresses me out.

For starters, my mom and I run a quilt business. This quilt business gets a LOT of Christmas orders. The majority of December is filled with us being in the shop 8-10 hours a day. We have customers who call repeatedly to make sure that they get their present. We have machines that break down and issues that arise that add to the stress. I understand (at least partially) how stressful the Christmas season must be to someone who works in the retail field. I really don't feel like I can "enjoy" Christmas until Christmas eve, and by then it's basically over.

Then you have to add in the shopping. I hate buying gifts. Okay, that's not always true. I really, really enjoy buying a present for someone when I KNOW they'll love it. But I hate the feeling of "I have no idea what to get this person". HATE. IT. I've tried my best to "shop small" this season, for two reasons. Number 1 is that I want to support local businesses and crafters/artisans. I've also handmade a lot of different presents (Thank you Pinterest!). Reason number 2 is that I just haven't seen anything in the big box stores that has appealed to me to give. There are exceptions (when it's something specific I know the person is wanting), but overall nothing has jumped out at me. I greatly despise those "gift baskets" that you can purchase for $20 that have 2 bottles of lotion, a candle, and soap in it. A) It's way overpriced and B) It's not in the least bit personal. Even if I make the same gift for several people (which I'm doing this year) I make SURE that it can be personalized for the individual I'm giving it to.

Something that has helped SO much on my husbands side of the family (he has, no joke, around 30 relatives that come to Christmas) is that we've moved from drawing names and buying presents from that specific person (which I HATED because Carl was sometimes clueless as to what to get, and at the time I didn't know them well enough to have any idea) to getting a white elephant gift. SO MUCH LESS STRESS! Now a girl gets a "girl" present and a boy gets a "boy" present. I've already got one present picked out, and I think it'll go over well for both. Now instead of trying to figure out something for a specific person, I just have to get something that I think is nice (and useful!) and we trade around. I love it.

I don't know if it's the pregnancy hormones, or the overwork in the shop, but I'm having a hard time getting in the Christmas spirit this year. We decorated our house, and that seemed to help quite a bit, but still, I seem to be getting more stressed and more aggravated. What about you? Has this been a stress free Christmas? Are funds tighter than normal? Have you decked your halls?

26 Weeks!

2011-12-07T23:19:00.000-05:00

Yowzer! I'm 26 weeks pregnant!

I'm feeling really well. I still HORRIFICALLY tired after very little work, but hey, I'm growing a human. A human that seems to be very feisty! She really is very strong (my whole stomach moves when she kicks) and she seems to be thriving!

A few weeks ago I was having kidney pain (low-level), but thankfully that has mostly went away. However, it's replaced itself, and the replacement SUCKS.

Last Tuesday Carl and I made a trip to Lexington to do some Christmas looking and shopping. For whatever reason he didn't sleep at all the night before (he couldn't turn his brain off he said), so I ended up driving the entire (1 1/2 hours) down there. We did our shopping, a good bit of walking, etc, then we headed home. His lack of sleep caught up with him, and I ended up driving the majority of the way home. Not unusual at all when I'm not pregnant, but its the most driving I've done in some time (I usually have pregnancy induced car narcolepsy... at least that's what I call it. ha!).

The next morning I was tired, but nothing too bad. I ended up going to the shop (my mom and I run a quilting business out of her parents old house, which is two houses down from mine) with her. As I left the shop to go back to her house, I slipped a little on these rugs that are right outside the front door. I was already having a little bit of pain in my groin area, and it seemed to intensify some then. So, we headed to my chiropractor that afternoon.

She didn't find anything out but a jammed hip (not unusual with me) and she ended up working the muscles and such around my pubic bone area. It didn't really help. The next day, as the day went on, the pain came back... so I started researching it.

Symphasis Pubis Dysfunction (SPD) is so super fun. It's generally caused by your body making too much/reacting to too much of the relaxin hormone. One article I read thought that it might be a chiropractic issue, which makes sense. I went back to the chiropractor about two days later, and still didn't have much of anything out, although my sacrum was tilted a little bit. I have little to no pain (usually no pain) when I first get up in the morning, but as the day goes on it gets worse. Yesterday Mom and I went shopping for 6 hours, and I overdid it, so I had a lot of pain today. I did discover that her low back brace works well to stabalize my pelvis and keep me from having TOO much pain while quilting.

Generally I only have pain when I first get up from a seated position, and the first 5-10 steps I take. Last night, however, I was having it rolling over in bed, and today it's been semi-constant. If I move one leg out suddenly it hurts a LOT. Again, managable, but sucky.

I keep doing pelvic rocks and such to ensure that this little Princess is NOT posterior like her big sister was, and it seems to get better after doing them. Some nights at about 11pm, I think I'm not going to make it through the pregnancy with this pain, but then I get up the next morning pain-free, so its kind of just a day-by-day, hour-by-hour sort of thing.

BUT, other than that superfun 'complication', this pregnancy is going swimmingly. I feel great (albeit tired) now, and just anxiously awaiting her arrival!

I did buy her a "stash" of newborn & small fitted cloth diapers off of my FAVORITE website in the entire world, Spots Corner, for a whopping $45 plus shipping. I'm SO excited. I had plenty of medium and large diapers, and several one-size, but no small or newborns (as I didn't start with Keevia until she was over a year old).

I also managed to score (look out for reviews coming in the next few months!) two babywearing giveaways in the last month. I won a Onya baby carrier through a Twitter party, and I won a Boba 3g Carrier through Mothering Magazines contest. SO ecstatic (especially about the Boba!). I'm currently awaiting a waist extender for the Onya, and then hopefully I can wear it. I can report that I can comfortably wore the Boba 3g with a 28 lb toddler last night while 26 weeks pregnant!

The Evolution of Co-Sleeping

2011-11-18T14:53:00.000-05:00

I'm sure I've mentioned it here before that before Keevia was born, I was completely against bedsharing. Carl mentioned when I was pregnant about bringing her in bed with us, and I always said "No way! We'll smother her!" I looked down my nose at the parents who did so, thinking how horrifically unsafe they were being with their children.

Then, when I was pregnant, I stumbled across a parenting board on TheBump.com. I'd never heard of Attachment Parenting before, and I quickly googled the term. Other than some differences when it comes to discipline, I found myself agreeing with everything my searches turned up.

So I began haunting that board, and I soon found that a good majority of the people on there purposefully bedshared from birth. I had always planned to co-sleep, and had purchased a Arms Reach Mini Co-Sleeper at a yardsale, and received the Baby Trend Gabriella Playard from my Mom. Both made co-sleeping very easy, as the baby was RIGHT there, but I was still against baby being in bed with me.

At this point in our lives, Carl and I were living in an apartment in the big city, and spending a good bit of our time at my parents house. We had a queen size bed in our apartment, but a full-size bed at my parents. As I progressed in my pregnancy, Carl began sleeping in a different bedroom so as not to squish the baby in my belly.

After I gave birth, Carl wasn't comfortable with me spending time at our apartment alone (he worked from 3am-1pm, and had to go to bed by about 6-7pm), and insisted I stay with my parents for the first few weeks.

Keevia was so tiny and perfect, but there was one little problem. She didn't want to sleep unless I was holding her. Which was fantastic during the day because I couldn't bear to put her down, but at night she wouldn't settle in her co-sleeper very well. And when it came to nursing at night, I was still convinced I had to sit up to feed her (trying to figure out latch and all), but I found myself falling asleep sitting up.

Then one night, I gave up, pulled out my iPod and searched for Dr. Sears bedsharing safety checklist. With a little bit of moving and shuffling, I had my bed set up and I laid down with her. She stayed asleep, and I slept lightly.

As I got more confident, both with bedsharing and breastfeeding, I began just nursing on one side for several hours, the rolling with Keevia and nursing on the other side for several hours. I always started her off in the co-sleeper, and would get 1-3 hours of alone sleep before she came in bed with me. Once we went back to the apartment (although we didn't spend much time there, we moved home when Keevia was about 2 months old, and didn't spend much time at the apartment once she was born), I was a little nervous adding Carl to the mix, but I stuck to the bedsharing rules, and always kept my arm around her when she had to be in the middle to nurse.

As a result, I was never sleep deprived. She slept great, and even on her restless or fussy nights, she settled quickly. Around 4 months she started the dreaded Four Month Wakeful and was just, well, AWAKE from 4-6am. Some nights I put her in her bouncer in front of Seasame Street and she would drift back to sleep. Bad parenting? Maybe... but we both got sleep and were both happy, so I don't really regret it. The first time sleep deprivation got me was when she got her first cold at 6 months. By that time we had moved into our new house (which is next door to my parents) and there were 2-3 nights where she barely slept (stupid stuffy nose). At this point, with a six month old, I finally understood the sleep deprivation that non-bedsharing parents felt.

Keevia and I basically spent the first six months of her life in bed by ourselves. We fit well in a full size bed, and were quite comfortable most nights. As she got older, her first stretch of solo sleep got longer and longer. By the time we moved in our house, and began sharing a bed with her daddy again, there were nights when she was sleeping through the night in her co-sleeper, or only waking at 4-6 am.

At this point, however, she roused very easily. If I had a cold and a cough she would wake up every time I coughed. If you got up to go to the bathroom, she woke up. Carl was now working 5 days a week, having to be at work at 5am. His alarm would usually start going off at 2 am. She was not amused. Even when she came in bed with us, she would still toss and turn until her would finally get up, or we would move to the guest room. I put off moving her into her own room as long as I could, because I wasn't ready for it.

Around nine months we started putting her in her crib in her room. We left the co-sleeper in our room however. She would still nurse maybe once a night, but she was probably sleeping through the night 4 nights out of 7. If she woke up, it was no big deal, we just brought her into our bed.

We kept up this routine, having her start off in our bed occasionally, but sticking to the crib. Around one year I began having to lay down with her to get her to sleep, but I would always move her to her crib once she was asleep. Around 13 months she got her first (and only!) ear infection, as well as a case of bronchitis. Her cough (and the plegm in her throat) were so bad that she'd get choked and end up throwing up, sometimes several times a night. Carl deemed it unacceptable for her to sleep by herself (which I agreed) so we moved to the guest room for close to a month. It was a slow weaning process to get her from 100% of night time with mommy back to her crib, but we did it.

At 18 months we changed her crib into a toddler bed, and since that time, she simply comes padding into our room whenever she wakes up. Sometimes it's 1am, most of the time its 6 or 7. I love snuggling with her, and we never put her back in her bed once she wakes up. If she's sick, or scared (we've dealt with some night terrors the last two months), she may stay in our bed the majority of the night. We just go with it. We ended up purchasing a King size bed back in June/July, once we decided we wanted to get pregnant again, because we knew we'd soon be sharing the bed with two babies, not just one.

Some nights its frustrating. I sleep better when she's not in our bed (mainly because she likes to lay on top of me, or play with my cleavage, or simply lay THIS close to my back), and some nights I honestly just don't want to sleep with her... but I always remember HOW GOOD it felt to go running into my parents room, and to climb up in bed between them. I automatically felt safe, warm, happy and content. All bad-dreams went away, all fears disappeared. It wasn't a nightly occurrence with me, but I always knew that it was an option. I want Keevia (and baby girl#2) to feel the same way.

I don't really know how we'll manage once our newborn comes into the sleeping mix, but I'm sure we'll manage. Currently, Keevia is sleeping on a twin size mattress on the floor of her bedroom, and if necessary, we'll just move that mattress in our room for a while. I fully, FULLY believe that babies will learn to sleep on their own, but that each baby is different, and each on has their own night-time needs. I won't ever get these times back with my babies, and I don't want to have any regrets. As of yet, I don't, at least when it comes to my night-time parenting. I look forward to nursing this new girl, and snuggling with her late at night. Bedsharing isn't for everyone, and I realize that, but for our family, it's how we get through the nights.

Want more information? Dr. Sears has some awesome information on Co-Sleeping here, including studies he did on the breathing patterns of a co-sleeping newborn!

23 Weeks!

2011-11-15T18:39:00.000-05:00

For some reason I've been avoiding blogging like the plague. After Keevia's 2nd birthday party (which was over two weeks ago!), my computer didn't even leave the guest room for over a week. Add in a kidney infection, trips to the grandparents and doctors appointments, and you have my last two weeks.

As of today, I'm 23 weeks pregnant. WHAT? That means I am 14-17 weeks from having TWO little girls. That's both startling and exciting.

I need to start taking the occasional belly picture... I definitely look pregnant right now, but not horribly so. I'm feeling better. Other than wheat, I can really eat whatever I want (okay, eggs still make me gag). I crave milk and bacon. And danish butter cookies. But I crave those every year at this time, so I think its a moot point.

I'm doing better at keeping housework up (Although if you saw my toddler-tornado of a living room right now...), and have even started cooking more. In fact, I made hideously spicy chili tonight.

I still can't eat wheat without nausea, and I'm still having sleeping problems. My midwives suggested a benadryl to two a night, and it does help. I just hate taking stuff while pregnant. I take 10,000 iui of D3 a day, Magnesium and my Whole-Food Prenatal.

I'm getting into the happy part of pregnancy, and I'm very excited about it. I think I'd been fighting the kidney infection (Although it never showed up on cultures... I wasn't making urine, I had left kidney pain, etc) for a little while. Now Carl has a cold, and I think I'm fighting it. Plus, my parents are ripping up carpet and it's about to be the death of me. It absolutely KILLS my allergies.

But here we are. 23 weeks. She's kicking strong and making her presence know quite regularly! I'm so excited!

It's a....

2011-10-26T20:44:00.000-04:00

GIRL!

We had our 20 week ultrasound yesterday morning (SERIOUSLY, how in the WORLD am I already 20 weeks along?) and everything looks perfect. We actually got a pretty long ultrasound because Dr. C (the high-risk doctor that my midwives practice under) was out of town, so they didn't have very many patients. It was awesome. With Keevia we never even saw her move during the ultrasound, the technician went so quickly, but with this sweet little bundle we got to see her stretching, kicking, and even YAWN at one point. It was spectacular. And we got a pretty good "money shot" to prove that there wasn't anything but three lines in-between those legs!

We have a name picked out, but I think I'll leave y'all in suspense a little longer.

We couldn't be happier. I think Carl was a little bit disappointed, but he warmed to the idea.

Now I have a reason for the 70 gallon tote of clothes I have for each different size of baby girl clothing. I saved EVERYTHING from Keevs (well, not really everything, I've given quite a bit of clothing away to friends who have had little girls...). We did buy a new "coming home" outfit yesterday for this one though!

I'm so excited to have two girls so close in age. I always wanted a sister (and got one my sophomore year of high school, Hi Hebbie!), so I'm so thankful we're able to give Keevia that gift.

Now I just have to get over the fact that my toddler will be TWO on Saturday.

Patience is such a virtue...

2011-10-18T20:45:00.000-04:00

And it's not one that I've had much of recently.

I read my friend Stacey's blog post last week about patience, and it's had me thinking ever since. Some days I feel like a great mother. I have endless patience, the whines don't get on my nerves, I'm understanding when she has temper tantrums...

Today hasn't been one of those days. I suffer from fibromyalgia, on top of being pregnant. Whenever the weather is changing (a storm coming, a cold front coming... anything that messes with the barometric pressure), I usually feel pretty crummy. As I type this, the thunder is rolling in, although this storm has been creeping up on us all day. I have felt HORRIBLE today. Nothing in particular, but just general blah. I have no energy, had a constant headache, and just irritable. To top it all off, I'm sleep deprived. Keevia hasn't been sleeping well this week, and has even had 2-3 night terrors. She's also been waking up in the middle of the night and coming to bed with us, but being very, very restless.

So, in short, I didn't have a good Mommy day. Keevia was whiny and clingy, but strangely enough she was clingy to my Mom, not me. I lost my temper with her more than once, and spoke in a tone I don't like speaking in.

I do my best not to beat myself up for it. No mother is perfect, no matter how perfectly they may come across. Instead of dwelling on the bad days, I try to take it one day at a time and make tomorrow better.

This sweet face keeps me going, and makes me want to be a better Mommy.

How do you deal with the bad Mommy days?

I'm totally going to jinx myself... (sleep post!)

2011-10-13T20:48:00.000-04:00

About two weeks ago we moved a twin mattress into Keevia's room and put it on the floor. That night she climbed up on it, laid down, said night night and closed her eyes. I asked her if she wanted me to lay down with her and she said no. She went to sleep that night by herself in her dark room. And the next day for naptime. And the next night. And the night after that. No tears.

I was in SHOCK. This is the child I have to snuggle to sleep, that usually takes from 20 minutes to over an hour. We put the twin bed in so I could lay down with her and then get up when she fell asleep (usually goes faster than me rocking her in the living room).

The 4th night we went to my husbands parents and spent the night. I laid down with Keevs and got her to sleep in the room we sleep in. She went down easy, but slept really poorly that night.

The next night we were back home, and when I suggested she go to bed, she started screaming. I ended up rocking her to sleep that night and several nights after. A few times she fell asleep sitting up in my lap. Then I started laying back down with her.

I don't know if she was scared of her bed, or her room, or whatever, but even with me laying down with her she would scream. Now, as I'm sure you all know that I am VERY against cry-it-out when it comes to baby (BABY as in 2-6 month old baby) being in a room by themselves, in the dark, "teaching" themselves to soothe to sleep. I've never been against in-arms crying however, and we've done it numerous times over the past two years. Laying down with her, with her sobbing, is the same to me as me holding her and her crying. So for about two to three nights, I laid down and had her cry for 5-10 minutes until she gave up and decided Mommy meant business and it was bedtime. She'd then drift off to sleep. The 4th night there was no crying.

Night 5 I tucked her in, and then sat at her feet. Crying started again, I soothed her, talked to her, sang to her, and 15ish minutes later she FINALLY calmed down, then fell asleep a few minutes later. Night 6 she cried for about 5 or so minutes, then went on down. Night before last she cried for a minute or two, wanting me to lay down with her. I kept telling her I was sitting at her feet and wouldn't move til she fell asleep. She went down pretty easy. Last night I told her it was bedtime and she set off for her bedroom. I went to fill up her sippy and she popped her head out of bedroom door and said "C'mon Mommy!" I told her to go climb up in bed and I'd be right there. When I went in, she was snuggled on her pillow. No tears. I stayed in there 5-10 minutes, then I told her night-night and went in the living room. She drifted off on her own.

I plan on keeping it up... we're doing so well right now, and I'm so happy about it. I honestly won't do anything different with number two. The only reason I made a push for getting her to go to sleep on her own is that my back cannot take packing her 28lb dead weight, especially with a burgeoning belly. I didn't figure we'd be going to sleep on our own quite yet, but I'm pleased with it!

Now to just tackle potty-learning!

Wordless Wednesday - Where did my baby go?????

2011-10-12T09:08:00.003-04:00

I'm so opposite... (alternatively titled: Getting Healthy!)

2011-10-11T21:41:00.000-04:00

I'm really, really bad at naming posts.

By this point in my pregnancy (18 weeks today!), according to my Baby Bump app, I should have gained 12-15 lbs.

::blank stare::

Oh! You obviously mean I should have LOST 12-15 lbs. Right, pregnancy app?

Yeah... I'm not doing so great with that whole gaining weight thing. Thankfully my midwives aren't concerned. They did establish that my morning sickness isn't so bad that I'm not eating, which its not, then they seemed unconcerned with the fact that my weight keeps creeping down. I'm actually, as of this morning, at my lowest weight since BEFORE I delivered Keevia. I weighed in this morning at 233. I started this pregnancy at 249ish.

Maybe there is something to that whole HCG hormone thing working for weight loss. I know I can't eat the portion sizes that I could before. I can't eat fried food this pregnancy without REALLY regretting it. I'm actually struggling to get my protein, because just like last time, I really have a problem with textures. I can't eat peanut butter or chicken without gagging.

I stated on here before that my Daddy was undergoing some medical tests. They thought that he possibly had Multiple Scelrosis, so he and my Mom went on a modified Hallelujah Diet.This means that they cut out all red meat and pork, most bread and grains, and started eating MUCH more salad and veggies. I eat several times a day at their house when Carl isn't home (and the fact that apparently when I'm pregnant, I can't cook until 20+ weeks), so I started eating this way a LOT.

Also, I've discovered that I have a wheat intolerance. Not a gluten intolerance, but I just can't tolerate wheat. It causes me to be queasy, so I drink more pop (which I don't want to do), and it causes constipation, and a general feeling of ickiness (yes, I made that word up). It's HARD, I'm not going to lie. I've always sworn that I was adopted from a Italian family because I LOVE PASTA. Seriously, it's one of my absolute favorite foods in the whole wide world. And Gluten-Free pasta sucks. That's all there is to it. It's also hard to just grab something fast, because I can't just eat a sandwich. And no cookies, or cake, or anything. For some reason I've convinced myself that chocolate has wheat in it and I always think I can't have it either until I go "oh, duh." and then go on a binge....

But, I've lost several inches of bloat off my waist, as well as feel MUCH better. The nausea which was still plauging me is SO MUCH better that it's almost worth not eating bread and pasta. Almost.

So that's where I am. Eating healthy and losing weight. Who'd have thought? The baby is obviously growing and thriving (although I still can't feel my fundus). We go in two weeks to find out if its a boy or a girl!

Happy Birthday Momma

2011-10-09T11:00:00.000-04:00

Today is my Mommy's birthday. I'll be nice and not tell you which birthday it is, although she doesn't seem to mind that thing so much... but still, I'll let her keep her secrets.

I have such a special relationship with my Mom. We've always been close, but throughout college we managed to get even closer. She's my best friend and my confidant and I have no idea what I would do without her. Just today, when Keevia fell and bumped her mouth, which started bleeding profusely, she took over and examined her. When I felt like my little world was falling apart, she took over and took control.... just like always. And I'm so thankful for that. She's been my rock for so many years.

We don't do big birthday celebrations around these parts, and due to my Dad's special new diet (oh, hey, he's doing MUCH better and the scare of MS (which is what we were really afraid of) is very, VERY low.) and Mom's diabetes, if I were to bake a cake, it would probably go uneaten. Mom is also the worlds MOST DIFFICULT PERSON TO BUY FOR. So I'm not even attempting.

But Momma, I love you. I'm so happy you're my mom. Thank you for everything you do for us, from changing Keevia's diapers, to driving me to my prenatal appointments, to cooking us dinner when I can't do it without throwing up. Know that we're here for you as much as we possibly can be, and we would do anything for you. I love you Mommy.

Happy Birthday.

I love baby kicks.

2011-10-08T19:24:00.000-04:00

Seriously. I can't get enough of them.

As of right now I'm 17 weeks and 4 days pregnant. No, I didn't actually know that off the top of my head, I had to look it up (Thank you apps and pregnancy tickers!). This baby seems to be following in his or her older sisters footsteps. I felt Keevs move for the first time at 15w6d and felt this one right around the same time (I think). I KNOW I felt this one move last Saturday morning, it wasn't just the little butterfly tickles you sit on the couch holding your breath, trying to decipher if it was baby or gas, but a big resounding HEY MOM kind of kick. I've even felt this kid from the OUTSIDE already. It's amazing.

But I really do love baby kicks. It's my favorite part of pregnancy. I love having that connection with the little baby, the baby that nobody knows but me, the little kicks and punches and rolls and tumbles. I just love the feeling.

I can't wait to find out more about this baby, whether it's a girl or a boy, to learn his or her personality more, to breastfeed them, to snuggle them with all the lights out, lying in bed, wearing him or her around the house. I can't wait.

On a totally unrelated note, have y'all seen the new Boba carriers? The Boba 3g? They are AWESOME looking, and to me the best part is that you can't wear a newborn in them (the regular Boba 2g is for 15lbs+). And, unlike the 2g, they have a looooot of gorgeous prints (although I did lust after the Tweet print quite a bit). I've blogged about the wonders of Heavenly Hold before, but now they have an awesome giveaway for a Boba 3G! Just check out their contest page to find out how!

It's the little things...

2011-09-29T21:45:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I go days, or weeks, without thinking of my grandparents. This month they've been on my mind quite a lot, as both of their birthdays took place. I was extremely lucky as a child and lived beside my maternal grandparents, and because of this I was very, very close to them. This year will be nine years since we lost my grandfather, and six years since we lost my grandmother.

I was in Wal-mart the other day, picking up a prescription for my hubby (who thought he was DYING of a sinus infection and was waiting in the car), when I went around the corner into the produce section. I glanced up and froze. Standing in front of me was an older gentleman who had on a short sleeve plaid shirt, a pair of colored slacks, velcro shoes and a leather belt with his name pressed into it. His hair was the same color and style as my grandfathers. From behind, the only differences between him and my grandfather were height and the name on the back of the belt.

I started crying right there in front of the broccoli and the cauliflower. The grief overtook me, and the pain literally took my breath away. I hadn't missed my grandparents quite that badly in years. But as I continued walking around, attempting to pull myself together so I wouldn't end up on the People of Wal-mart website, I reminisced about them.

It's never a big thing that tips off grief, but for me, grief is like an avalanche. It starts off very small, but then I just get wrapped up into it. I began thinking of the fact that my grandparents didn't get to see me get married, they never got to meet Keevia this side of heaven, and they won't get to meet our baby Bean. I miss sitting on the couch and listening to my Papaw play guitar and sing. I miss going up in the hills with my Mamaw. I miss hugs, and trips to town, and just them in general. I wish that they could know my daughter so fiercely.

I've accepted my miscarriage, and I've slowly moved past it. My beautiful toddler wouldn't be here if I hadn't had a miscarriage. I will always, always think of that beautiful baby, and remember them, but the grief doesn't overtake me anymore. And that's okay.

As September moves into October, I'll probably think of my grandparents less, at least until next year. And that's okay too. I know they wouldn't want me to wallow, or to grieve overmuch. Little things remind me of them on a regular basis, and those little things are what I want to pass along to my children. Quilting, folk songs, woodworking, how to draw a horse.... Small things in life, but huge things to me.

It seems I've been here before...

2011-09-19T20:12:00.000-04:00

Apparently about this point in my pregnancies (as evidenced by this post in my pregnancy with Keevia), I begin to reach a point of miserableness. I'm generally over the morning sickness, but still have some residual days. But for some reason the weeks between 13-16 are really, really rough on me.

This pregnancy seems to be harder than my pregnancy with Keevia. My symptoms aren't that much different, other than I think I'm more tired this time around. Maybe that's because I have a toddler? I know the one symptom I have with Bean (what I'm referring to the baby as) that I didn't have with Keevia is that I am NOT SLEEPING.

I've dealt with insomnia for years, but usually my insomnia is centered on me not being able to fall asleep. I'm used to laying in bed wide awake for hours on end. I know how to deal with that.

With Bean, I have absolutely NO problem falling asleep. None. I'm actually falling asleep faster than I can ever remember doing. I sleep fine for an hour or so, then I start waking up. Usually I have a dream of some nature (sometimes "bad", sometimes just about a show I watched or a book I read), and for the REST of the night, my brain won't 'switch off'. I have to wake up at 4:30-5 to wake Carl up for work.... usually that's juuuuust when I'm falling asleep deeply. So, I've been going to bed between 10-11 pm, and not being able to drag myself out of bed until 8:30-9 in the mornings.

I can't eat ANYTHING greasy or my stomach kiiiillls me. I have an aversion to eggs (it was fried chicken last time!) and I'm having a hard time eating meats. The texture just gets to me and I end up gagging. I'm eating a lot of nuts!

I don't have the constipation issues that I had with Keevia, although I've had some the last few weeks thanks to an Irritable Bowel Syndrome flair up. I've cut out wheat gluten for the time being, and it seems to be helping.

So far I've lost 10+ lbs with this pregnancy. I'm okay with it though, because I had it to lose and I'm eating much healthier than I was.

With Keevia my spine and body stayed in alignment SO WELL. I went over two months without going to the chiropractor (trust me, this is HUGE for me). This time.... Yeah... I'm going 3-4 times a week and I'm still in pain. My sacrum WILL NOT stay in (it's out the same way sometimes, other times its out a different way), my right hip stays jammed (both ways this morning!), and I always have a lumbar vertebrae out. We're not sure if the vertebrae knocks the sacrum out, or vice versa, or if the hip is the cause. I'm finally over the constant nerve pain I was having in the beginning of September though, so that's a plus!

Maybe this one is a boy... Carl would be happy! We have names picked out for a boy or a girl, so it doesn't really matter to me (LIES. I want another girl!), as long as it's healthy!

I really, really couldn't be happier to be pregnant, and I know it'll get better. I have such a fantastic, hard working husband, and a wonderful supportive family that I would be lost without. Pregnancy isn't always roses, but the outcome is definitely worth it!

I don't even know what to call this post...

2011-09-18T15:33:00.000-04:00

My husband doesn't get home a lot of nights until 8-9 pm. My back has been giving me sooo many fits that my Momma has taken pity on me and done bathtime with Keevia quite a bit the last few weeks.

Well last night I could tell that Momma wasn't feeling great, and my back wasn't AS bad, so I thought I'd do it and give her a break.

I commonly do co-showers with Keevia because it kills two birds with one stone. When we're at Mom's, I can wrap her in a towel, set her out of the shower and she toddles in to get her jammies on while I finish my shower. It works GREAT.

Well, last night I had just started showering with her, when I noticed that she was squatting in the corner of the tub. My Mommy radar started going off and I said "KeeKee, do you have to poop?" to which she answered no (she always answers no). Then I noticed her start to strain a little, so I pulled her to stand and said "let me get the potty!"

Not knowing what else to do, I pull her little potty into the shower with us and plop her down. 20 seconds later she stands up and it's quite obvious that my Mommy radar was correct. Now I'm stuck. Do I wash her with the washcloth?

So, I called for mom. So much for a calming bath with Mommy, I think. Mom comes in and rescues me by pulling the potty out of the tub and handing me a diaper wipe.

Two minutes later, Keevia starts squatting again. I call mom BACK in and she puts Keevia on the potty outside. She ended up not doing anything else, but she took her sweet time deciding that!

FINALLY we got everyone clean and in their pajama's, but it definitely wasn't the bath-time I had envisioned!

Really, I'm still alive!

2011-09-13T17:16:00.000-04:00

Wow. I suck as a blogger right now. But in my defense, some very real things are going on in my off-the-internet life that are kind of taking precedence.

For starters, this pregnancy is still kicking my butt. Don't get me wrong, I literally COULD NOT be happier that I'm pregnant, but when Keevia goes to sleep at night, I literally follow her 15 minutes later. Plus, I usually follow her at nap time as well. Not only my blog is suffering, but so are bills and housework, so don't feel TOO neglected!

On top of that, my Dad has been having some medical issues that are resulting in a lot of tests and travel. Keevia and I tag along quite a bit, so we've been on the road a lot. Please keep my Daddy and my family in your prayers. It could be very minor, or more serious, and we're trying not to worry.

Keevia is doing FANTASTIC. She's living up to her "Diva" name quite well. She enjoys coloring and building with blocks quite a bit, as well as playing with her babies and cooking. She's currently obsessed with Word World and Blues Clues. We recently started encouraging the potty again, and have had some success. She peed in the potty right before her bath the other night, and got SO excited that she went to get her Daddy to show him. This morning, when she was squatting in the kitchen (for some reason it's her favorite place to take care of business), Mamaw encouraged her to go to potty and she pooped! She's sleeping fantastically, and she's really just a pleasure right now (remind of this in the afternoons or evenings when the tantrums start).

The pregnancy is going well as also. We had an appointment on the 6th with an ultrasound. They re-dated my pregnancy, bumping me up a week, so as of today, I'm 14weeks! They did the nuchal screening test (my midwives are overseen by a high risk doctor, so this pregnancy will be more closely monitored than my pregnancy with Keevia was) and they couldn't get one of the measurements, so the ultrasound technician had to shake my belly to wake up the baby. It was soooo funny to see it's little legs kicking and it's arms punching. I'm so excited to be so far along because I felt Keevia for the first time at 15weeks and 5days, so maybe I'll get lucky again!

Hopefully next week will calm down some and I'll be able to breathe (and blog) again. I DESPERATELY need to revamp and work on Rows for Remembrance, but it's just not happening right now. Stay with me y'all, it'll get better.

Please keep my Daddy, and my family in your prayers! I really appreciate it!

10 weeks!

2011-08-20T22:57:00.000-04:00

So, I said I'd be posting more about this pregnancy, and then there was a great pregnant silence.

I've really had no desire to be around the computer much, and I've listened to it.

I was SO sick for over two weeks... I don't know if it was the bulging ear drum, the antibiotic they put me on FOR the eardrum (which always messes with my stomach), or just general allergy season which makes IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) worse. My Momma is convinced that the only reason I have morning sickness bad is because I have IBS as well, because she had little to no morning sickness. She says she remembers throwing up when she would brush her teeth in the mornings, but that was about it. Apparently she didn't get the memo that every pregnant woman is different. :)

Gentlemen and Dudes, you may want to skip this paragraph, as I talk about things you may not want to know about. You have been warned.
This pregnancy is actually remarkably like my pregnancy with Keevia so far. I even got a yeast infection which caused bleeding at the SAME TIME this pregnancy as I did with her (the bleeding isn't pregnancy related, it's the labia that bleeds, not from the cervix). I FREAKED with Keevia and actually went in to the doctor sobbing because I was right at 9 weeks and I lost Peanut at 8w6d. This time around I knew it wasn't anything to worry about (and really, its just a few drops of blood, but when you've had a miscarriage you inspect EVERY PIECE of toilet paper with a microscope usually). Thankfully, I've cleared it up though! I do still have copious amounts of discharge, which I had last time. If I continue having yeast like symptoms though, I'm going to have them check me. I think I had a severe bacterial vaginosis or a Strep B infection for the majority of my pregnancy last time, and it made me MISERABLE. I had to wear pantyliners every day or my pants would get soaked. It sucked.

Okay guys, you can read again.

My morning sickness is about the same. Since I got off the antibiotic and the vertigo has went away, I really only get sick first thing in the morning, if I get too hungry, if I get too hot, or if I stand for too long. All of these things were triggers last pregnancy too.

The one major difference between this pregnancy and the last? I'm not constipated! That made the last pregnancy a living hell from about 7-8 weeks until almost 22-24 weeks. How did I solve it? I switched prenatal vitamins to some without Iron, and viola! No constipation! I literally would only use the restroom once a week for over three months, and I would only use it then with the help of a suppository. Around day 5 or 6 I would start throwing up everything I ate because there was nowhere for it to go. Absolute misery. It feels WONDERFUL to not have that this time around!

I'm starting to feel better, and we're moving right along. I have another ultrasound/appointment on Sept. 6th! Keep us in your prayers!

Introducing: The story of Baby Bean

2011-08-10T21:31:00.000-04:00

Yep! We're expecting again!

To say I'm in shock is an understatement.

I tracked my ovulation and fertility signs last month, but according to my temperatures, I never ovulated. I had other ovulation signs, but I wasn't betting that I ovulated. Eleven days later (around the fourth of July), I took two pregnancy tests (on two seperate days) that were both negative.

Fast forward another two weeks. I have really bad nausea and I've been EXHAUSTED for almost a month. I was also beginning to get heartburn (which I had my entire pregnancy with Keevia, and not at all otherwise). Carl and I were going out together to see Harry Potter, and then go to Wal-Mart, so while shopping, I picked up another test, just in case.

I ended up taking the test in the Wal-Mart bathroom and it turned positive IMMEDIATELY. I'm not going to lie, I cried like a baby on that toilet seat. We told our close friends and families, but kept it close to our chests other than that. Last Thursday I had my first ultrasound where we saw a strong heartbeat of 165.

I estimated that I was 8 weeks pregnant on that day. My last period would have me around 9 weeks. The baby showed to be around 7w4-5d on the ultrasound, so I'm close! It means I may not have ovulated when I thought, but the swimmers were there when the egg released. All in all, this baby is a gift from God, and we could NOT be happier.

I've had pretty continuous, debilitating nausea since around the time we found out. The exhaustion and poor sleep have been there since about conception time.

Last Friday I developed pretty severe Vertigo. I ended up laying down just about all weekend long (THANK YOU MOM AND DAD!), and went to the doctor on Monday. I have a bulging ear drum on one side, and was given antibiotics. I'm slowly getting better. I sat up about 45 minutes yesterday and over two hours today. I'm praying to get better soon... as much as I LOVE Bones (which I'm watching on Netflix), my sides and my neck HURT from laying down so much. And I miss taking care of my toddler. My parents have been lifesavers and SAINTS through all of this. On top of taking care of Keevia, cooking dinner for all three of us plus themselves, and taking care of ME, my Momma came over and cleaned my house from top to bottom yesterday. She's a saint.

Pray that I get to feeling better soon and can be up and at'um. Pray for this sweet miracle, as a miscarriage is always in the back of our minds, and pray for all those out there who read this and think "Why not me?". I've been there folks. I'm going to strive to keep the blog updated more during this pregnancy, because with Keevia's I shied away from writing about my pregnancy... because I was afraid I would hurt the friends I had who were childless. I'm so sorry you're in that position, and I understand if you stop reading, but this time around, I need to blog for myself more.

So, the cats out of the bag, and we couldn't be happier!

Wordless Wednesday - Surprise Edition

2011-08-10T21:18:00.002-04:00

Absent

2011-07-25T22:52:00.000-04:00

I've been absent from this blog for a little bit. I feel like a broken record when I do post. I have something in the works, but I'm really not ready to display it quite yet. Look out around August 4th for the big show.

Thank you all for your patience, and for your continued comments. Makes my day!

Keevia is doing so well. She is just an exuberant little personality. I swear her vocabulary grows by 10 words a day. Just this evening, while walking through Wal-Mart, she got SO excited to see dogs, and cats, and tick-tocks (clocks) and shoes, and apples, and nana's(banana's), and babies... it was an exhausting trip!

See y'all real soon, I promise.

"And I'm feeeeling gooooood...."

2011-07-12T23:27:00.000-04:00

Does anyone else have a love/hate relationship with that Jennifer Hudson Weight Watchers commercial? Does anyone else watch as much TV as me?

Apparently having your pelvis and your neck realigned make you want to clean your house. I managed to deodorize & vacuum the carpet, as well as clean out (and not just throw away the food, but actually SCRUB) the fridge. I also did the dishes, cooked dinner, and bathed my kid. Day well done, eh?

Still frustrated with my cycles. I didn't exercise today, but I am DETERMINED to do so tomorrow. I missed temping this morning, but this months cycle is so screwy. Day 37ish and no ovulation. Lovely. I don't know if I should just concentrate on dropping the weight and putting procreating on the back burner for a bit... or if I should seek out more testing to make sure that I'm not missing something. They checked my thyroid in April and it was normal. We don't have the best insurance and I don't want to be out a huge amount of money... but I want to be better. I don't want to fall into the whole "using the weight as an excuse" thing, but I want to find out if it really is just the weight that's causing my cycles to be SO freaking long (and for me to apparently not ovulate).

On a happier note.... my child is hilarious. I'm so blessed to be her mother. At 20 months, she has 12 teeth (10 all the way through, her upper molars are still working on it), can identify a scary amount of shapes (thanks apps for the iPhone...), loves books more than anything, will point to any clock and go "Tick-Tock! Tick-Tock!", will identify anything that has anything to do with "The Wiggles" by screaming "WEE WEE" and wiggling her fingers, is very girly and dainty, loves to "cook" in her kitchen, would live outside if I let her, plays constantly with her "door" we got her, wishes Mommy wasn't quite so stuck up about the whole kissing doggies things, loves stealing chairs and iPhones, still loves her "Pah-peeesh" (pacifier) and just has the best personality.

I'm trying to keep perspective through this whole weightloss/conceiving thing. I have an absolutely beautiful daughter. I don't want her to be my only child, but if there's a 3+ year difference between them? I guess I'm going to have to live with that. And I can, it just means erasing MY plan and settling in for GOD'S plan. Something I'm not always happy doing, but hey, life happens.

Today was a better day. Praying tomorrow is as well.

Here we go again

2011-07-11T14:24:00.000-04:00

I feel like all I'm writing right now is a repeat. I'm just in this constant weight loss struggle. I was doing sooooo well for a while, then I hurt my ankle. The same ankle I broke last year. I didn't want to do ANYTHING to cause me to do that again. So I stopped exercising. I haven't gained any of the 8 lbs I lost back, but I also haven't lost any more of 44-46 lbs I need to lose.

My cycles are still all screwed up, and that's frustrating as well. Why I thought that dropping 8 lbs would magically cause my cycles to straighten up, I don't know. But apparently I did.

I went to the chiropractor today and had my pelvis realigned, along with a vertebrae in my neck, my L1 vertebrae and my ribs. Because yes, my ribs go out of alignment. You have to be awesome like me for that to happen.

My mom told me today that she was concerned about me because I never seem to have an appetite. I beg to differ. When we're out and about on the town, and we're hungry, nothing ever sounds good to me. That's because we have ONE restaurant that I can stand to eat at, and it's rather expensive. I don't like fast food. I mean yes, I like french fries, but everything else? Meh. Not a fan.

I need to try and write less about me, and more about my sweet girl. She is so big, and has such a personality. Maybe a post will come soon.

Stick with me, I'm working on it.

Stunned

2011-07-06T16:04:00.000-04:00

My college community lost a hero last night. A dear, dear friend, Paul Rice, passed away after a motorcycle accident.

I've known Paul since my sophomore year of high school. He took me under his wing, and called me his daughter. He always referred to me as his Irish Beauty because of the coloring of my skin and hair. There was always a Hersey bar with my name on it when I was feeling down, and Fireballs whenever he passed me. All through high school, and my sophomore year of college, he kept insisting that I needed to meet his daughter. Once I finally did, we became fast friends, and she was a bridesmaid in my wedding.

I have gone from sobbing one minute, to laughing the next, after reading Facebook posts all day. This man has touched so many lives, and changed the course of so many. His strong Christian faith stands out through it all. He encouraged people in a way no one else could. His anecdotes like "don't fry bacon naked" will live on, as well as the heart we all knew and loved.

I distinctively remember walking into his office a few weeks after Carl transferred to KCU. I walked in with a smile on my face, yet he stated "You're lovesick, aren't you?" Within seconds I was almost in tears, telling my whole story to him. He could read people like no one else. He encouraged me to not give up hope, and that Carl would come around, and sure enough, he was right.

A year and a half later I walked back into his office. This time he smiled so big, and stated "It's a girl!". I had found out I was pregnant THE DAY BEFORE and no one knew other than my husband. We hadn't even told our parents yet. And he knew. He knew Keevia was going to be a girl.

Just yesterday, on the way home from a family outing to Natural Bridge, Carl and I were talking about Paul and his family, and how desperately we missed them. A few hours later, I received the call that he had passed away.

My heart goes out to his two beautiful daughters, and his amazing wife. My prayers are with them as they go through this tragic time. Please join me in praying for them, as well as traveling mercies for all the people who will be traveling this weekend to say their goodbyes, us among them.

I love you Paul, and I can't wait to sing in a choir you run the sound for in Heaven. Give Peanut a hug for me.

Wordless Wednesday

2011-06-29T23:39:00.000-04:00

Newport Aquarium

Happy Due Date, Peanut.

2011-06-22T16:04:00.000-04:00

Last night, while driving home from a rather long trip, I let my mind drift over the past few days. Suddenly, I panicked. I quickly counted the days in my head, and breathed a slow sigh of relief.

I thought I had forgot my sweet Peanut's due date.

It's funny. Two years ago I would have sworn that I never could forget. And I didn't.... but I did almost pass it up. I've been thinking about my sweet first pregnancy since the beginning of June, just like I did last year, and the year before. But this year, other things took over my mind as well. This year I concentrated on my best friends birthday, which falls on the 18th. I concentrated on Fathers Day, and making sure that Keevia got to decorate cards. This year I concentrated on my parents 35th wedding anniversary. I concentrated on an overnight trip that my mom and I had planned, in which we took Keevia to the aquarium and saw my great aunt and uncle for the first time in years.

This year, Peanut wasn't first in my mind.

That both saddens me, and makes feel better. It saddens me that I could forget the loss of a child, even for a second, but it makes me realize that I'm moving on. I'm not dwelling. I'm healing.

My maternal grandparents have both passed away. I grew up beside them, and was ridiculously close to both of them. This year, I only remembered one of their death dates. My grandfathers, December 1st, marks a special place for me because that's also the day I miscarried (although I knew that Peanut was gone two weeks before). April 22nd, however, came and went this year without me even thinking about it.

Maybe it sounds callous, or cruel... but I know they wouldn't want me moping around missing them, especially when I know in my heart that all three of them are in a better place.

So today, I celebrate that this day is getting easier. I celebrate that my sweet baby is in Heaven, laughing and playing with my grandparents. But I also pause to cry a little, to think of the might-have-beens, and of seeing my two year olds face.

I'll hold you in Heaven Peanut. Mommy loves you always.

35

2011-06-19T13:38:00.000-04:00

Today is my parents 35th Wedding Anniversary.

Momma and Daddy - Thank you so much for setting such an example for my marriage. Thank you for never arguing in front of me (or not really arguing at all), for loving each other through thick and thin. Thank you for always being there for one another, for joking through the painful times, right along with the hugs and the tears. Thank you for loving each other so much that you decided to have a kid. Thank you for sheltering me, and protecting me, for keeping me home, and for making sure that I had everything I could ever need. Thank you for trips to Lexington once a week for 5 years. Thank you for paying for a college education I'm not using. Thank you for taking Carl, Keevia and I in when we had to move home for a while.

My mom and Dad may not have a perfect marriage -- because no marriage is perfect, but they definitely know how to love one another. Sure, they get on each others nerves, and I'm sure some days are easier than others, but they have stuck through it. They have shown me (and I'm assuming my husband as well!) what a wonderful, God-filled, marriage is like.

I love you Momma and Daddy..

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

Happy Fathers Day! (A little early, I know)

2011-06-18T11:40:00.012-04:00

I have another post that needs to go up tomorrow, so Fathers Day is happening a little early around these parts.

First, to my Daddy.

Daddy,
As I watch my little girl grow, I have become even more pleased and happy with our relationship. I look at Postsecret, and places like that, and I am SO thankful that I had a strong, Godly man as my father figure.

I knew you were a great Daddy, and I knew you would make a great Papaw, but I don't think I ever knew how much. Every time I see you with Keevia, I think of myself with my Papaw Henry... which you should know how important he was to me. You are (and will continue to be) the light of her life, and I am so happy for that.

Daddy, you have always been there for me, and I know you always will be. You've helped me through math problems, college classes, and life in general. You've introduced me to classical music, fly fishing, and "The Phantom of the Opera". You've instilled respect for people and authority in me, and taught me to be careful with my posessions.

I love you Daddy. I know you know that, but as I watch you with my kiddo, it makes me love you even more.

Forever,
Your Daughter

And my Husband

Dear Carl,

You are the most amazing father. I knew you would be, which is high on the list of reasons I fell in love with you.

You play on the floor, letting Keevia waller(wallow? Wallor?) you to death. You go and get her from her room in the wee hours. You don't get too grossed out when she pukes all over herself and you. You'll change a poopy diaper (VERY rarely), and give baths whenever I ask.

You work so hard to take care of us, and I appreciate it more than you will ever know. By working so hard, you've let me achieve my dream of being a stay-at-home Mom, and I pray you are achieving your dreams as well. I know your job sucks sometimes, but I am SO proud of you.

I know you will ALWAYS be there for me, and for Keevia, no matter what we need. I fall in love with you all over again every time you scoop her into your arms and giggles explode from her. I fall in love when I see you snuggling her, begging for one more kiss. I love you so much, and love spending each day of the rest of my life with you.

You're the best Daddy (and the best husband) that I could ask for. Keevia and I are SO very lucky to have you.

I love you baby,
Your Wife

I can't forget the other "Fathers" in my life. My Grandpa Elmer (who I mysteriously have no pictures of him and Keevia together.

My husbands father, Steve -

And my husbands Grandfather, Owen.

We love you all so VERY much. Thank you for being in our lives.

Reflecting on clutter...

2011-06-17T11:03:00.001-04:00

I hate clutter. Hate it. If you sit me in a room in my house right now, I start to twitch. Unfortunately for me, either A)Keevia is asleep, so no loud noises may be made, or B) I'm too dang tired to do anything about it.

But it slowly drives me insane. I can't watch "Hoarders" without getting up to clean something. Carl and I will take a biiiiig day and clean our hearts out, then two weeks later (because I don't keep it up), it's worse than ever. And don't get me started on our guest room...

But tonight, as I was rocking (yes, I still rock my 19 month old to sleep) my baby girl, looking around at all the clutter in my living room, I realized something.

My house would be a LOT less cluttered if I didn't have a toddler.

And you know what? That's unacceptable. I cannot imagine my life without my sweet girl... so I guess I can't imagine my life without the clutter.

It's nice to look at it in a new way. It's nice to embrace the clutter, and to not shy away as much. It's nice to realize how empty my life would be WITHOUT that clutter.

It's nice to see clutter through Keevia size glasses.

Wordless Wednesday...I mean Thursday...

2011-06-16T00:38:00.000-04:00

Victory!

2011-06-13T14:37:00.000-04:00

I'm taking stock in small victories today.

Less than a month ago I bit the bullet and bought a Wii and a WiiFit. I'd had a discussion with someone who had purchased one in January and (with dieting) had lost 70 lbs by May. I knew I needed SOMETHING to get me in the habit of working out, and I knew it needed to be something I wanted to do. I'd wanted a Wii for a while, so I went ahead and bought it.

In 25 days (I know because it tells me) I have lost 8lbs and 4 inches off of my waist.

I'm flabbergasted. I really think it's a combination of going on Metaformin (Glucophage) for the PCOS and exercising (almost) daily. I've fallen off the exercising bandwagon a little (my back was out), but plan on hopping back on tomorrow.

Best of all? I feel better. I'm happier. I have energy. My clothes are starting to fit again.

I bought a Maxi-dress this past week and thought I actually looked good. I bought a SKIRT. If you know me in real life, you know how huge that is. And the bigger thing? I WORE said skirt all day Saturday (and didn't even have anything to dress up for).

I was reading Blair's blog today, and especially reading in the comments about accepting your body. Someone said something about how they couldn't hate their body because their body gave them their kid. And that rings so true to me. I don't hate my body, but I've been very, very unhappy with it.

I've also decided that I'm not going to set a goal weight. I'm going to set a goal size. I would like to be firmly in size 10/12. I don't want to be smaller than that. I just want to be able to fit into the clothes in my guest closet that are taking up space. I want to start the next pregnancy at a healthy size and a healthy weight and just be HEALTHY. I really don't care if I get to a size 12 and still weigh 200lbs. So be it. If I look better, feel better, and am comfortable with myself, then that will work for me.

But today? Today I'm celebrating that my body isn't a failure. My body CAN lose weight. I CAN tone up. I CAN look decent in a pair of jeans. I may not be willing to shimmy into a swimming suit yet, but I don't make sure the bedroom lights are turned off before changing into my PJS anymore.

P.S. I guest-blogged for a friends at Playdate Crashers today about my miscarriage and Rows for Remembrance. Check it out if you get a chance!

Movie Buff

2011-06-06T10:00:00.000-04:00

I love movies. I don't really care what kind (except Westerns) as long as its a good one (and I'll even watch Westerns if its a REALLY good one). At this point in my life, I don't get to see a lot of movies. Carl can engross himself in one easily... but I have a much harder time. If Keevia's awake she's usually attempting to crawl all over me, or play with me, or she's falling and crying... I just can't concentrate. Then, if it's too late I'm tired (although this is getting better) and can't concentrate. I usually want to watch a movie that I've already seen so I don't have to miss things if I'm not paying attention for whatever reason.

But recently Keevia has been taking 2-3 hour naps. I've been working out pretty consistently during this time... but Saturday I was in DESPERATE need of cleaning out master closet. So I turned on Netflix Streaming and started cleaning. Instead of turning on an episode of "Bones", or even "Lois and Clark", I turned on a movie that had been recommended to me numerous times, "Easy A".

So....this movie had a LOT of potential. And there was a lot of it that I liked.

Olive is a high school student who lies to her best friend and tells her that she had sex with a mystery boy, George, instead of spending the time with her best friends family. Her friend blabs to the whole school. Ironically, they're reading "The Scarlet Letter" in her English class. Olive goes on to pretend to sleep with the rest of the male student body, which ups their reputations, while tarnishing hers. She has hilarious discussions with her parents, who remain supportive but uninformed. She vlogs about her "escapades". She has a running dry commentary that left me chortling in places.

HOWEVER.

I simply could not get past the BLATANT Christian bashing that took place throughout the entire movie. And I was so sad. Amanda Bynes (who I normally LOVE - one of my favorite movies is "She's the Man" and "Sydney White" was pretty cute as well) plays a character called Marianne who is a Bible-thumping...well, you know. She constantly berates Olive's character, informing her she's going to hell, and basically being every.single.stereotype of Christianity. It was so disheartening. And her boyfriend (don't ask me his name) who is in the chastity group with her, is, of course, sleeping with the school Guidance Counselor and receives Chlamydia from her.

By the end of the movie I was shocked that I had had numerous CHRISTIAN friends recommend this movie to me. I would never, ever recommend this movie to anyone, let alone a Christian! Have we gotten so bad as a Church that we not only stand by that type of humor, but LAUGH at it?

I have ALWAYS been someone who believes that we should be of the culture... but above it... if that makes sense. I've always been someone who goes and sees movies that aren't always defined as Christian so I could pull stuff out of them, so that I could have honest discussions with non-Christians. I think, as Chrisitans, we need to know what the world has, otherwise we can't discuss it. I've drawn lines for myself -- I don't watch horror movies. But I'll usually watch just about anything else. And this view has led me into SO many different discussions that I NEVER would have had had I stayed away from the mainstream movies. I don't watch ones that I think will damage me, I just watch what I think is popular.

But this movie just struck a nerve. Worse, it struck a nerve that so many people weren't up in arms around this movie, but recommended it, saying it was hilarious. Yes, there were funny parts, but they were MUCH less than the blatant disrespect of my religion.

So.... what good movies have YOU seen recently?

Keevia Cuteness

2011-06-04T10:16:00.000-04:00

For whatever reason, my child decided not to go to sleep until well after midnight last night. I've blogged numerous times about baby sleep, but I've come to the realization that I am MUCH happier if I just don't stress about it. She's currently sleeping through the night in her own toddler bed, and taking 2-3 hour naps. Who am I to rock the boat by trying to have a earlier bedtime?

Anyway.

Keevia Cuteness #1:

Last night I was rocking a very awake toddler. In an effort to get her to speed the process along, I said 'Keevia...close your eyes'. After a few times of showing her what I meant, she closed her eyes. "Now go to sleep sweet girl" I murmured, figuring her eyes would pop open. To my shock (and my humor), she kept them closed and began fake snoring. I literally about died.

"Are you being Daddy?" I asked, she opened her eyes, took out her paci, nodded her head and said "Daddy!"

It's either Daddy, or Jeff the Narcoleptic Wiggle.

Keevia Cuteness #2:

Kee LOVES you to chase her a tickle her. Or have her run and you hide behind something and jump out. Or merely say 'I'm going to get you!' while she takes off squealing. Recently she's started holding her hands out in front of her and going "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah" while moving her hands when she wants to be chased. I think she's channeling the Karate Kid or something. It is literally the most funny thing, and I SERIOUSLY need to get it on tape.

She has a vocabulary which has EXPLODED. She went from barely talking to repeating everything that is said. One of my favorite things she picked up from her great-grandfather. "Toodle-Doodle!" Daddy also had her going "Poopie! Pee-pee!" in the car today. All drinks are "Jewwwce" and all food is "Appul!" She can say Sippy, although she says "Sipsey" or "Pissey" which makes me giggle. Her "hungry" sounds more like "Hommey"which is basically Mommy with an H.

This post is nothing but fodder for my baby book, but I thought some of you might enjoy!

Summer!

2011-05-31T18:12:00.000-04:00

I don't know what it is about this time of the year. The month of April/May... but there's something about it that leads to me not blogging. Like, at all.

This past month... I don't even know how to describe it. I've struggled with chiropractic issues and hormonal issues. I've taken numerous (negative) pregnancy tests. I've had a baby who had surgery, then had 10 days of heckish recovery with a movable drain in her leg. I now have a baby who is teething 4 molars at once and has turned from a loving, sweet, patient natured kiddo to a demanding, temper-tantrum throwing, extremely touchy terror. I've moved my baby from a crib to a toddler bed. I've had my house spotless and then let it go back to disorganized mess. I've lost four pounds, gained three back, and then lost two more (hint: I'm still down three pounds). I've been slightly obsessed with reading about vaccinations, ways to boost your fertility and researching Wii games. I've congratulated numerous people on their pregnancy announcements on facebook. I've cried in the car after buying a pregnancy test at Wal-mart (just making sure my Amazon tests were accurate) and having the Wal-Mart clerk checking me out tell me she'd taken one a few hours earlier and got a positive, only to find out mine was still negative. I've started working out 30-60 minutes a day. I'm becoming a grilling queen. I managed to get Rows for Remembrance up to date.

I've been busy. And I've neglected this space. I didn't write when I needed to... I've held back feelings and emotions because I didn't want to make people feel bad, or anger people who don't agree with me. But I need to write FOR ME. And I'm going to start. So there may be some changes around here.... I may touch on some more controversial issues... but I also hope to blog more about my little princess and her daily escapades.

So Hi... again. Welcome back Shaina, welcome back.

a repeat post

2011-05-15T16:24:00.000-04:00

I'm really, really struggling right now. I'm actually seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, and I'm praying to continue going this way.

Hormones (thanks PCOS), emotions, my hubby getting a new job that completely screwed up my schedule... All of these things added up to just push me over the edge. Into unorganized madness.

But I'm working on it. I'm slowly purchasing some organizational tools, and I'm tackling one room at a time. I'm trying not to let it get the best of me.

I've attempted Fly Lady in the past, and not really had that much luck. I get stuck on that stupid shiny sink! ha! The problem is that sometimes Carl doesn't make it home until 9-10, and Keevia is sometimes in bed by then. If you wash dishes in our house and K is asleep, she WILL wake up. So the dinner dishes are in my sink in the morning. Which I realize isn't a big deal, but still. Also, it's SO SLOW. I don't want an overnight fix, but a week long fix would be great.

So, I'm attempting a week long fix. My house has 8 rooms. (Master Bedroom, Guest bedroom, K's bedroom, kitchen, living room, master bath, K's bathroom, and our laundry room). I'm assigning one day to each room, and just going to tackle that room (and the kitchen counters/dishes) that day. The laundry room doesn't get its own day because I have to do several loads a week, so I'm in there a lot.

Sunday: Master Bathroom
Monday: Master Bedroom
Tuesday: Living Room
Wednesday: Kitchen (also trash day!)
Thursday: Guest Bathroom
Friday: Guest Bedroom
Saturday: Keevia's Bedroom

Each day that room will be cleaned. Vacuumed if vacuuming is required, trash emptied (also emptied on Wednesday), toilets scrubbed, etc etc etc. Hopefully, in the intervening days it won't go to hell in a handbasket, but I think getting cleaned once a week will be astronomical.

I have GOT to get some of these tubs out of my guest room closet and finish unpacking (yes, we've lived here a year), the guest room. I DESPERATELY want to move my office into that room.

I'm also struggling with emotions over infertility. I'm getting angry at myself (not for having trouble getting pregnant) but because I know ONE thing I could be doing to help myself get pregnant and I simply don't do it. Exercise. So super simple. And I'm starting to get pissed at myself. Maybe if I get mad enough, my Clemons stubbornness will set in?

So, I'm trying to get back in the swing of things. If I can manage to write more, I stay happier. I'm currently writing a novel as well, which has occupied a lot of my brain power. But I'm trying.

Maybe once my house is organized, my brain will be too?

Home-Made Laundry Detergent

2011-05-12T00:41:00.000-04:00

So, I blogged about this before. But I can't find it. And I changed my recipe. And I've been getting a lot of questions about it, soo... here we go!

P.S. I swear upon Keevia's Wiggles DVDs that I'm going to be blogging more soon. The end.

1 (or two if you double) rinsed out LARGE laundry detergent containers (I used a Purex Naturals)
1 Cup WASHING soda (yes, you can use Baking, but Washing works better. Look for Arm & Hammer DYE FREE, FRAGRANCE FREE... I found it at Meijier)
1 Cup Borax (some people leave this out, read up on it, try it out, then decide)
1 Bar of Soap (Ivory or Kirk's work best for me!)
Hot Tap Water
Funnel (look in the automotive section)

Grate your bar of soap. Put in a kettle and JUST cover with water. Melt slowly until no more lumps (this may take around 20-30 minutes depending on your grating skills). Meanwhile, using a funnel, add the washing soda and the borax to the CLEAN container (Just a note, you CAN use empty gallon water jugs, but the lid stays on the laundry detergent bottles better, and you have a measuring cup as the lid!), then add the soap water once it's melted. Fill with hot tap water.

You are DONE! This stuff cleans my husbands clothes, so you know it works! Any questions, just ask!

Not the post I had planned...

2011-04-30T20:40:00.001-04:00

I had planned to write out my ~~baby~~ toddler girls 18 month post, but apparently her 18 month birthday was not meant to be uneventful.

Starting a couple of months ago, I felt this little bitty bump right outside of Keevia's diaper on her inner left thigh. I thought it was a swollen lymph node, and brought it up my chiropractor. She assured me it wasn't a lymph node, but was most likely a cyst of some kind. She mentioned that if it changed in shape or size to bring it up to the pediatrician.

We took Keevia in almost a month ago for what we thought was pink eye. Turns out it wasn't, but while we were there I brought up the spot on her leg. She looked at it and said it was possibly a cyst or a boil, and said exactly what our chiropractor said -- to let her know if it changed in shape or size.

Around two weeks ago, it started getting red and growing. In a matter of days it quadrupled in size. I called last Thursday (not two days ago, a week and two days ago) and left a message for the pedi, she was out of town for the holiday, so I figured I wouldn't have a response right away. On Easter I had a doctor in our church look at it. She agreed that it was probably a boil, and encouraged us to put prescription strength antibiotic cream on it, and to take hot hot baths and let her soak. So we did.

On Monday, the pediatrician called and spoke to me, and ended up calling in a prescription for Bactrim. Due to a ton of reasons, it was late Tuesday afternoon when we got it filled. We started it Tuesday afternoon.

From Tuesday to Thursday the spot didn't change much at all. It KIND of looked like it might be coming to a head, but hadn't yet. I called the pediatrician on Thursday because she said it needed to be looked at if it hadn't gotten better on a couple of days of the antibitoic. I didn't want it to get suddenly worse over the weekend. I got an appointment for Friday morning.

I slept late Friday, and ended up not eating breakfast (or feeding Keevia) before we went to the appointment. After looking at it, we were informed that Keevs would need to have it lanced, and that she would have to be under general anesthesia. Our Pediatrician asked me if I wanted her to be seen in our hometown, a local town, or in Lexington. I chose Lexington. She then said she'd go call some doctors.

I tried to pull myself together at this point, as she called the doctors. I did NOT want surgery for my baby. I started planning the week in my head, trying to figure out logistics. The pediatrician came back in and told us she'd spoken to someone at the UK Children's Hospital, and if we left right away and got her down there, she could have surgery that evening and then stay over to the next day. And to only give her clear fluids from there on out.

Holy. Crap. Surgery TODAY? Leave NOW?

I panicked. I started sobbing. I sobbed all the way home. Then I put my big girl panties on and started packing. We packed for overnight, and packed movies, toys and books for the babe.

We made it to the hospital, and the fact that I hadn't fed my kid breakfast actually paid off. She was able go into surgery around 4:30.

I'm not going to lie. That was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. KNOWING that she was going to scream as they took her away from me and that they were taking her into a strange environment. That killed me. I think I would have been okay if I had been able to hold her as they put her to sleep... but knowing that they were scooping her and running? Killed me. KILLED ME. I sobbed.

Carl and I prayed together before leaving the holding room. We were told that the anesthesia would take longer to administer and come out of than the actual procedure would take. The only reason they knocked her out was because of how little she is, and that it was actually less traumatic (for her, MUCH more traumatic for Mommy).

We went to the waiting room, and 10 minutes later we got a call that they'd started the surgery. Then, about 10-15 minutes later we were called to the consult room. The Pediatric surgeon came in and said that it went perfectly, and we could go to the recovery room as soon as the nurses gave us the go ahead.

They ended up having to go in in two places on her leg and "break up" the infection. He (the surgeon) told us he does 300 of these surgeries a year. THREE HUNDRED. And that 95% of those are MRSA. Apparently a traditional poke and drain doesn't work with MRSA because MRSA looks like honeycomb. It actually invades the fat tissue, and has to be broken up. That's why they have to knock the kiddo out. He expected that that's what hers would look like.

Thankfully, with hers it was mainly liquid pus and a few small pockets of the honeycomb looking stuff... so he isn't 100% sure it was MRSA. They sent out cultures. They left a drain in her leg, which is basically a large piece of rubber that is tied at the top. We have to give her three hot baths a day and move that rubber band back and forth to continue to break up any infection. We go back to have the drain removed in 10 days.

Carl and I were able to go down to recovery. When we walked in she was stretched out on the little crib hospital bed, snuggled up to a nurse. She wasn't really crying, but she wasn't awake yet either. They had told us she would be mad. Carl sat in the rocker and held her first, but that only lasted about a minute until she opened her eyes and saw Mommy. He got up and handed her to me, and her hand immediately went down my shirt. It was kind of cool to watch her pulse rate slowly drop as she calmed down! She woke well, without any crying whatsoever and drained down some apple juice. By the time it came to remove her IV, we used Carl's iPod touch to play Blues Clues, and she totally didn't pay ANY attention to them pulling it out! She only got mad when the nurse had to hold pressure on the needlepoke!

We're home, and she's doing very well. We didn't end up having to spend the night... but came home! She ate some Macaroni and Cheese at Cracker Barrel on the way home. She hasn't had an appetite all day, and has only eaten a little hummus and Lil'Crunchies.. but as I write this she's helping Mamaw eat some Ravioli. She ran a low grade (99.2) temperature before her nap, and has a little gunky cough (a side-effect of the anesethia I think) but has been playing well.

Not the 18-month post (or birthday!) I wanted her to have (She was 18-months old yesterday!) but hopefully this will keep her from getting sick! She never ran a fever before the surgery and except for favoring the leg and getting MAD when you touched it you wouldn't know she had it.

Please be in prayer that the cultures are normal, and that we manage to keep it broken up.

I WILL prevail..

2011-04-25T09:28:00.000-04:00

I'm not giving up.

I still haven't lost any weight. The majority of that is my fault, although I think my thighs have gotten BIGGER and I honestly haven't been eating badly.

But I'm still living a sedentary lifestyle.

That's changing. Mom and I have gone walking twice (Y'all? Are these April showers ever going to stop? We would have gone more often but it's raining too much!). I'm not a big fan of walking at our local park. Too many people and too many bugs (it's right beside the river). But, Mom and I discovered that the parking lot of a nearby church (closer than the park!) is exactly .33 miles around. So, if you go around the parking lot three times, you've went a mile.

The first time we walked we only made it around twice (.66 of a mile). But the second time we conquered the mile. We both have fibromyalgia, and while we probably could have pushed it, we can't push it TOO much for we feel horrible the next day.

I own the Zumba DVD sets (thanks parents! Great Christmas present!) but with my hips and back, I have a hard time doing it.

Thanks to a bunch of textbooks, I had a pretty substantial Amazon.com gift card balance.... so last night I splurged and bought the P90 In Home Bootcamp. It's basically a starter program for P90X for people who are too badly out of shape/overweight to do P90X (and it's drastically cheaper).

From the reviews I've read it's perfect for someone who is overweight and out of shape. I hope to start there, do some Zumba for variety (and maybe some Jillian Michaels here or there) and continue walking every day.

I will beat this. I will beat PCOS again. I will beat diabetes (I'm pre-diabetic). I will fight to help my Mom fight (who needs to lose weight as much as me).

I will prevail. I'm not giving up.

Thankful

2011-04-24T22:53:00.000-04:00

Tonight, instead of dwelling on some things that made today difficult, I choose to be thankful.

I'm thankful for my sweet husband who works SO hard for our family. We sometimes don't see him very much, but he is providing for his family.

I'm thankful for being a stay-at-home mom, so whenever he DOES get a day off, Keevia and I can be here with him.

I'm thankful for my sweet almost 18-month old. I'm thankful for her smile, her laugh, her snuggles, her attitude, and her personality.

I'm thankful for midwives who CARE. Who take the time to listen to you, talk to you, and are happy to try it your way first.

I'm thankful for my parents and everything they do for my family. From the little things like watching Keevs so I can take a shower, to the bigger things, like letting us borrow their van on a very regular basis so we don't have to squeeze into a Ford Focus.

I'm thankful for a full pantry and freezer, and minimal grocery bills.

I'm thankful for Carl's raise, and receiving his first paycheck just in time to pay for new tires on his car.

I'm thankful for friends and family who make each day better.

I'm thankful for baptisms, even when we miss them.

I'm thankful for my Savior, who rose from the dead after three days.

Today...I'm choosing to be thankful instead of being sad. I'm choosing to be thankful instead of getting depressed.

Today, I'm thankful.

Packing your Pantry

2011-04-15T09:03:00.091-04:00

Look at this! I promised a post and it's happening! Of course, having written that, my baby will now wake up screaming.... *long pause* nothing? Okay, good. Lets go.

The following is a list of things that I find invaluable in my pantry. By no means should you run out and buy all of this at once, because if you did your grocery budget would SKY ROCKET. But, try and pick up one or two things a visit. You'll never run out of everything at once, which means your grocery list stays small!

These are just my recommendations. I'll give you my reasonings behind it, and creative ways to use it. I plan on talking about "Pantry Meals" as well (but probably not today!ha!), which is when you don't have written down meal plans, but you "shop" your pantry.

Oh, and hey, check us out at The Playdate Crashers today! I'm guest posting there my coupon post from yesterday! Go leave them some blog love!

PANTRY MUST HAVES:
All Purpose Flour
Cornmeal (Self-Rising or not, doesn't really matter)
Baking Powder
Salt (Sea Salt, Kosher Salt & Table Salt -- each has different uses. I use sea salt as a finishing salt, I use kosher as a rub or in pasta water, and table salt for baking and as, well, table salt).
Buttermilk Powder (Sounds weird, I know... but I use it to make homemade ranch dressing, I add it to biscuit dough, cornbread & waffles).
Pasta (spaghetti, linguine, macaroni, shells, lasagna, & ziti or rotelle or something like that).
Corn oil (or veg oil of your choice, I don't like canola because it's made from rape seeds, which are highly posionious. I just don't trust a oil made from that, sorry!).
Extra Virgin Olive Oil
Vegetable Shortening (*gasp, shock, horror!*)
Sugar (brown, white & confectioners please!)
Oats (quick & old fashioned, and if your feeling brave, Steel Cut as well!)
Yeast (and not just the packets, find somewhere (health food stores) that sell it in bulk, buy a cup and put it in your freezer. It works better than the packets and is, oh, about $15 cheaper).
Real Vanilla Extract
Nuts (Whatever you like. My choices are Pecans & Almonds)
Peanut butter
Nutella (okay, okay... not a necessity but IT SHOULD BE.)
Chicken & Beef Stock (preferably low sodium!)
Rice (Long grain and Basmati (short grain))
Potatoes (both big & small. I generally buy 10lb bags of whatever is on sale)

Herbs & Spices
Garlic Powder
Dried onions
Rosemary (excellent on chicken, beef, or pork!)
Thyme (mmm...chicken!)
Dried Pepper Flakes
Sage
Bay Leaves
Taco Seasoning (again, don't buy the packets. Buy a bulk container, much cheaper. LOOK FOR MSG FREE IN EVERYTHING!!!)
Italian Seasoning (you can make your own, but this is easier to just grab occasionally!)
Oregano
Basil
Cilantro
Cardamom
Curry Powder
Paprika
Cream of Tarter
Balsamic Vinegar
Red Wine Vinegar

IN THE FRIDGE
Buttermilk
Milk (we drink 2%)
Butter (I prefer salted, but you can use unsalted if your watching your sodium)
Sour cream
Plain yogurt
Cheese (I stick with parmesean, mozerella, cheddar, and usually a colby jack, and sometimes american)
Eggs
Red wine (even if you don't drink wine, which we don't really, it adds SO MUCH FLAVOR to various dishes!)
White wine
Bacon (and lots of it! If you don't use it a lot, store it in the freezer and then slice off 1 inch portions. 1 inch = 1 slice of bacon!)
Onions
Garlic
Baby carrots (or full grown carrots)
Meat ( follow the sales, plan your meals around the sales, not your meals around a specific meat)

If I think about anything else, I'll add it. I add fruits & veggies that look fresh to the lists, but I only buy whats on sale/in season. I'm in desperate need of sleep, so I'll end this here... but coming up soon... How to USE these items in your kitchen and how to "shop" your pantry! Plus, saying goodbye to "strict" meal plans!

If you have any questions, leave um in the comments! Make sure I have an email or something to get a hold of you though!

I had a panic attack yesterday.

2011-04-14T15:17:00.000-04:00

Well, not really, but very, very close.

If you've followed me for any time, you know I'm struggling with PCOS right now. I'm not new to this, I've had it since I was about 15. It got really bad in college, I went to a OB/GYN in Lexington and was placed on Metaformin (Glucophage) for 3 months. I went off of it before I got married, and got pregnant twice without any issues (even without trying!). No issues with the pregnancy.

When I was half-way through my pregnancy, I switched from an OB to a Midwife. From 20 weeks on I saw a wonderful midwife, M. I saw her at every appointment and we were right on the same page. I went into the hospital on a Wednesday and she was on call! I got everything I wanted with my birth plan (eat and drink freely, intermediate monitoring, freedom of movement), but hadn't delivered by the time she went off call. Another midwife, S, came on call and ended up delivering Keevia. She was FANTASTIC. I had no ripping or tearing. She was just rock-star!

So, today, I finally broke down and called my clinic to get an appointment with either M or S. I've seen both of them since having Keevia, but haven't been in about a year. My hormones are SO out of whack right now. I'm a weepy mess. My acne is horrible. My facial hair (yes, it sucks) is out of control. I'm bloated. I'm depressed. I'm miiiiiiiserable. And my frame (pelvis/neck) will NOT stay in at the chiropractor. This is something that has never happened before. I usually go out really bad and then get put back together and I'm fine. My pelvis has been out for about 2 1/2 weeks now. She keeps getting it balanced and it keeps going back out.

Tuesday night, on the way back from a Super Wal-Mart trip, my breastbone started hurting. It got EXCRUTIATING. I couldn't sleep. Yesterday I went into the chiropractor and not one, not two, but FOUR of my ribs were "popped". She put them back in, and one almost automatically went back out. My pelvis was also out. As was my L3 Vertebrae. My body is trying to tell me something is going on.

So I called my Women's Health office and spoke with the receptionist. After explaining my woes, she said she'd put me on the line to a Nurse Practioner to discuss my symptoms... then she dropped the bombshell. "The Nurse Practioner will speak to you because both M and S left the practice in January."

My heart stopped. NO!!!!!!!!!!!! Not BOTH my midwives! The receptionist told me a city that both of them had relocated to.

"Not a big deal" I told myself, I'll just call the hospital I was born at. They're EXTREMELY midwife friendly!

So I called when I got home. They are no longer doing deliveries of any kind and have no midwives of staff.

Then, I googled M's name and the city and found my gold-mine. She and S have opened their own practice. I called and got an appointment. My panic immediately reduced.

Maybe I'll get to normal sometime soon.

I'm a coupon failure (alternatively titled "How to save money at the grocery store")

2011-04-14T08:27:00.000-04:00

I admit it. I'm a coupon failure. I can never find any coupons that really save me money. Maybe it's because I don't catch the sales, maybe it's because where I live I basically have a Wal-Mart(and not a super one), a Slone's Market and two small grocery stores. I've considered hitting up our local Kroger, but at almost an hour away, I don't know if it would be beneficial.

But, I still don't spend a lot of money at the grocery store. I EASILY spend less than $60 a week to feed our family of three. And when I'm on the ball and actually meal plan hardcore, I can spend around $40.

So how do I do it? Just some simple principles.

1. Don't buy brand names! For some reason a lot of people have hang-ups about buying the generic brand. Now, I will be honest. No store brand of Oreo's is ever as good as the actual Oreo's, but I shouldn't be buying Oreo's anyway, so this doesn't really matter! In most things, I actually PREFER the store brand. Especially in Graham Crackers. EVERYONE should try Wal-Mart brand Graham crackers. Just saying.

But in all honesty, buying the generic brand can save you LOADS. Mylicon Drops for babies hover around $8-12 an OUNCE. Is it liquid gold? Store brand for the same amount? $3. That is INSTANT money in your pocket. And it's the exact.same.thing. Same goes with Tylenol (acetemenophine) & Motrin, or any drug really. Also, Ziploc bags are usually a dollar or more MORE expensive than the store brand. These are just random examples, but you get the idea.

2. Stop buying processed food. You will be healthier and happier for it. 95% of the food I feed my family is home-made. Now, I won't lie... I have Chef Boyardee in my cabinets, but I also have over 20 lbs of uncooked pasta to make my own. We don't buy Hamburger Helper, or Macaroni & Cheese in a box... I merely make it from pasta, milk, butter, cheese, spices & hamburger. I control what goes in it. I control the sodium, the monosodium glutamate, the hydrogenated oils... none of it makes it in! I do buy some things like tomato sauce (not pasta sauce, that's a rarity for me, but just plain ole tomato sauce) but, as we garden more this year, I hope to cut down those purchases as well!

3. Cut out the junk. Stop buying pop. Stop buying Little Debbie cakes. Stop buying potato chips. You do NOT need them, and you will not die without them. Junk food is some of the most expensive things we buy at the grocery. Now, I listed all those things, and I admit that I've bought all of them (except the pop) this past week. Right now I'm in a very awkward place of trying to figure out how to go from packing Carl leftovers every day to packing him a cold lunch every day, and I have to be honest and say I'm not doing well! My world is rocked and I'm not acclimating well! We do still buy the occasional coke when Carl and I are out and about, but we no longer keep it in the house.

I heard a statistic once that if you wanted "junk food" make it yourself, because 90% of the time you wouldn't take the time to do so. So, if you want Little Debbies, bake a cake! For the same amount of money it takes you to buy 6 little cakes, you can have an ENTIRE sheet cake with icing! Yes your children may rise up in revolt against you for a week or so, but when they're teenagers, they'll thank you that they don't have to stress out on the diet roller coaster as much.

4. Step away from the convenience foods. Foods like shredded hashbrowns SEEM like a good deal. Raw, frozen potatoes! This is so much faster! Yes, well, it is, but you're also paying the same for one (1lb) bag of frozen hashbrowns as you could for a 10lb bag of raw potatoes. In an upcoming post I'll show you how easy (albeit slightly time consuming) it is to make your OWN frozen hashbrowns for a QUARTER of the cost.

I buy frozen biscuits, but honestly? I really shouldn't be. I have an awesome biscuit recipe. I could just as easily make up a ton of them and throw them in the freezer, and I plan on doing so soon, because it's getting ridiculous buying them. I DO buy frozen veggies because they're usually cheaper than the fresh ones. But I never buy "convenience" frozen veggies (like diced onions).

5. STOCK YOUR PANTRY! This is by far the most important one. Your pantry needs to be stocked, and it needs to be stocked WELL. Tomorrow's post is going to be a list of things you need to have on hand to have a healthy and happy pantry. If you keep them on hand you can make any variety of meals without having to run to the store 5 times a week!

...

2011-04-11T23:15:00.000-04:00

I'm struggling right now.

I'm struggling with my health. I can't seem to stay in alignment, and my PCOS is rearing its very, very ugly head. We need a new mattress, but it's a rather large investment, and I have to figure out how in hades to get it almost 2 hours here. Keevia has had a pretty bad cold that's made the whole family kind of miserable.

Carl got the new job and has been doing it for over a week now. We're in the adjustment period. It's not easy right now, but I know it'll get better.

I'm struggling with a blanket I'm doing for Rows for Remembrance. I'm struggling with laundry. I'm struggling with energy. I'm struggling with keeping my house clean. I'm struggling with remembering to pay bills. I'm struggling with... everything.

My weight is the same. I did walk half a mile last week, and if the rain ever holds up I plan on it becoming more the norm. The day after my Mom finishes her taxes I'm making her start a Zumba routine with me. No more excuses from either of us.

Please forgive me as I struggle through this. I have two posts in my head that need to get out, and they will soon.

If you pray, and feel led, pray I get my period soon. I'm on day 60+ (I'm not sure exactly what day, it was iPod my iPod and my iPod took a swim in my purse with Keevia's milk sippy and is now sitting in a bag of rice while I pray it works) of my cycle and I'm miserable. I'm crampy, bloated, nauseous, cranky and lethargic. I seriously feel like doing nothing but laying on the couch, moaning about my nausea. I think that either the PCOS is throwing me out, or me going out is pissing off the PCOS. I don't know. But it needs to stop.

I'm coming back soon, promise.

Hugs & Kisses

A Wiggly Workout

2011-04-07T11:29:00.000-04:00

I've discussed before how I find it difficult to work out. I walked a half a mile yesterday! But that's the first time it's been pretty enough to do so, and while I pray we're in spring, I'm not convinced yet!

Walking works well for me because I can either stroll Keevia, have her walk (part way) with me, or wear her. Working out to videos doesn't work as well because she's always in the way, or I don't want to wake her up from a nap, or she wants to be held. However, I think I've found my solution.

Have you ever watched "The Wiggles"? They NEVER. STOP. MOVING. They dance to (almost) every song! And they are my daughters Backstreet Boys. She LOVES them.

So my new workout routine? She watches the Wiggles, I dance with the Wiggles.

HOLY WORKOUT BATMAN! I did one song and could feel it in my arms and legs. Yes, this means I'm horrifically out of shape, but it also means that it's working.

And Keevia is happy!

The End of an Era

2011-04-05T09:38:00.038-04:00

It actually hurts me to write these words, but Keevia is weaned. While I'm quite proud of myself for nursing her 17 months, I also feel sadness because I always thought we'd go longer. I think my PCOS hormones played a roll in my supply tanking in January, and I'm just thankful it didn't tank earlier than that. Teething (from the beginning of December on) has also played a large role. Unlike most kiddos, Keevia did NOT want to nurse while teething.

The end was simple, and painless on both parts. I subscribed to the "don't offer, don't refuse" mentality and it went over without a hitch. She dropped down to nursing around once a day about a month ago, and I just went with it. She stopped nursing to sleep (except for very, very rare occasions) before her first birthday.

She doesn't seem to miss it much. Today, as she was wallering me to death, I could tell she kind of wanted to nurse, but I didn't ask. When she's tired she still plays with my breasts (rubbing them, sticking her hand down them) but she doesn't ask to nurse anymore.

It's the end of an era, and the end of that bond that we had. Oh, I know we'll still be just as close, but we don't have that special thing between us anymore. I won't lie, I'm more than a little heartbroken, and I definitely think that weaning (at least when done the way we did it) is much harder on the mother than on the child.

I'll miss the first morning session the most I think, although I've been mourning it for months. I loved that session, the reconnecting I felt from being apart from her overnight. I have always felt like she's an extension of me, another limb on my body, and when she started sleeping in her room, I missed her with a physical pain. That morning session would reset both of us, and let us reconnect. She was still sleepy, so she wouldn't get distracted easily, and it was the longest session of our day. The only time I felt totally and completely needed in her day.

Everyone thinks nursing a newborn is hard. And it is difficult, don't get me wrong. But nursing a toddler is much harder, at least emotionally. While I'm glad to have my body back, I'm so sad to see my little girl growing up. I look forward to sharing this bond with our next child, but I'll always think of my time of nursing my sweet baby girl.

Wean Me Gently
by Cathy Cardall

I know I look so big to you,
Maybe I seem too big for the needs I have.
But no matter how big we get,
We still have needs that are important to us.
I know that our relationship is growing and changing,

But I still need you. I need your warmth and closeness,
Especially at the end of the day
When we snuggle up in bed.
Please don't get too busy for us to nurse.

I know you think I can be patient,
Or find something to take the place of a nursing;
A book, a glass of something,
But nothing can take your place when I need you.

Sometimes just cuddling with you,
Having you near me is enough.
I guess I am growing and becoming independent,
But please be there.

This bond we have is so strong and so important to me,
Please don't break it abruptly.
Wean me gently,
Because I am your mother,
And my heart is tender.

Promotion!

2011-04-04T23:33:00.000-04:00

Carl signed the papers on a promotion we have been praying about for months. Right now we're very hectic with him working long, long hours and getting very little sleep. I literally see him long enough for him to eat dinner and kiss me goodnight. He got home at 9pm tonight and has to go in at 5am. It won't be like this for long, but these next few weeks are going to be hairy!

We're so very thankful though! After this initial phase is over and things calm down, I think he's going to be much, much happier. He's already happier and he's worn out! It disrupts my schedule quite a bit, but I think it may actually HELP me eat less if I fix two dinners. One for me and Keevia (small portions) and then one for Carl (where I tend to fix fattier foods... if I've already eaten healthy with Keevia, I won't be tempted! Score!).

Keevia is doing well... she had been acting like a....pleasure* recently, and two Fridays ago I finally took her to chiropractor for a check-up. The last time she'd been so pleasant* I'd taken her in and absolutely nothing was out, so I had held off taking her in this time. Yeah, well, her pelvis was out. That and the fact that she began wearing an amber teething necklace led to a MUCH happier baby. This weekend threw her schedule for a loop though (lots of company and fun times!) and she went to bed at 8 PM tonight. She's also been cutting her afternoon nap from 2-3 hours down to 1 hour and I don't know why. It makes her so super cranky in the afternoons.

I had the super-fun time of sitting in a car-mechanics waiting room for three hours today. We had some pretty gnarly storms go through this afternoon/evening, and I went out around noon-thirty for the proverbial milk & egg run. As I headed to town (I'd thankfully left Keevs with Mamaw in case I got caught in the downpour) I noticed that Mom's 1998 van was making a loud & annoying squeaky sound. I called her and she asked me to run it in. So, after stopping by the library (I didn't have anything to read or do in the waiting room, I'd been planning a grocery trip!) I headed over to the mechanic. I dropped the van off, and made my way next-door to the gas station for some food. I was starved, and made the mistake of getting greasy chicken strips and potato chips. My heartburn has reminded me since then why I don't eat at gas stations. I headed back to the mechanics and sat there for three hours. I finally went and ASKED about the car and it had been done for a while. AND when I got back in to drive to the grocery, the squeaking was gone...only to be replaced by a louder, higher pitched squeaking. Mom's taking it back in on Wednesday.

None of my antics would have bothered me that badly except that I am on day 57 (YES YOU READ THAT RIGHT) of my cycle(thanks PCOS), and I think AF may be in my near future. Today is the day that the song "Witchy Woman" could be sang about me, only with a B there instead of the W. I can tell I'm in a craptastic mood and have been trying very hard not to lash out. I'm also highly emotional, which just adds to my charm.

But now I'm sitting in my silent house, with the window beside me open, listening to the gentle rain-fall outside, and I'm beginning to feel peaceful. God has answered so many prayers recently, how can I not be joyful?

*pleasant & pleasure should be interchanged with "pain in the patootie" and "royal drama queen" as needed.

The bane of my existence

2011-04-01T08:35:00.000-04:00

I hate laundry. Okay, that's not true. The actual gathering up, separating, and washing of laundry I don't mind. In fact, I find it therapeutic. I just hate PUTTING UP laundry.

So, I don't do it. I mean to, but I do a lot of laundry during naptimes and after bedtimes, so it just piles up in laundry baskets because I don't want to wake up my hubby or my baby.

So, after dumping all those laundry baskets on my bed today... this is what it looked like.

Scary, isn't it? After about an hour it was all organized and put away, but GOODNESS I DISLIKE DOING IT!

So, I recently took a step to make this not be a common occurance at my house. I purchased 4 (because we would like 2 kids soon!) laundry basket thingies to put beside my dryer. As clothes come out, they get separated into Carl, Me, or Keevia. Then, I simply take that individual basket and put it away. GENIUS I SAY.

Aren't they cute? I love them.
Now, if I could only concur these...

One step at a time, eh?

Pillow Mattress Talking

2011-03-31T08:55:00.048-04:00

This past weekend my husband, daughter, and I went to the closest big city to do some shopping. We really did a lot of looking, but, you know. We scouted out some places that carry mattresses, as we're currently on the market for a new one.

Keevia likes to sleep with Mommy sometimes. When her teeth hurt, or she's had a bad day, or she's sick... she comes in bed with us. The only problem is that in our current queen bed, she kicks Daddy to the couch (or the guest bed) to do so. Oh, we all fit (barely), but she likes her sprawl room, so she kicks and whines and cries until Daddy gets up, then she rolls to his side of the bed and goes to sleep.

See why this is called "The Divas Mom"?

On another note though, we're also in the market for a new mattress, because for some strange reason, after 3 years, our mattress is NOT holding up. After research, we found out that when my Mom purchased it as a wedding present, she unknowingly purchased the lowest quality that our brand makes.

So, we went looking. First, we went to a place called "Overflow". VERY nice customer service. The guy personally showed us all the mattresses and described each one to us. Very reasonable prices as well.

Then we went to a store called "Overstock" (not to be confused with the online business!). There was a mattress there that Carl LOVED and desperately wanted. It was the last one they had, a king, and on HUGE clearance because of a "cosmetic blemish". We laid down on it, then looked around for an employee to help us. There were numerous employees milling around. We flagged one down and asked "What exactly is the cosmetic blemish?" Without even SLOWING down his walk, he said "It's on the floor. You have to find it."

Well then, okay. I looked it over, and couldn't find anything. We still wanted to ask some more questions though. We flagged down someone else "Just a minute" was there reply. Now, from my super-awesome eavesdropping skills, I knew that they were in the process of selling a $2000+ couch to a family on the other side of the room. But really, does that take FIVE employees?

We waited another 15 or so minutes for someone to "help" us, and no one even offered. When we left Carl was MAD. I wasn't surprised.

You see, we fit into a stereotype. A stereotype that means we obviously have no means of purchasing anything, so why bother to talk to us? Carl had on khaki shorts, a t-shirt, and tennis shoes, he currently has a scruffy beard. I had on flip-flops, jeans, a 'dressy' shirt, and a fleece jacket, my hair (which is always crazy) was down and in my face. We had a toddler running around. We're in our twenties.

The people in the next room who were purchasing the couch? They all had on designer clothes, impeccable hair & makeup, and big huge Coach purses. And they were financing the couch. Obviously we don't fit the mold that they normally see. But you know what? I could have written a check for that mattress that day if we'd wanted it. We have saved up and planned and decided we need a new mattress. I wouldn't have had to have financed it.

That's okay though, the Overflow people will likely get my money. The customer is always right sometimes holds true. As does "Don't judge a book by its (albeit harried) cover.

These Hips Don't Lie....

2011-03-30T18:30:00.000-04:00

I didn't do a "McFatty Monday" post this week because there wasn't really anything to say. I've been doing pretty well with food (slow, baby steps), and my water intake is up a TON. At the recommendation of my friend Danielle, I purchased a 30 ounce water bottle. LIGHT BULB. My water intake has went up SO MUCH! I achieved 90 ounces 2 days in a row (my goal is 120)!!!!

Exercise....yes, well..

My back was out. My back was out BAD. My hip has been "uncomfortable" since the weekend, but sleeping over at my in-laws just knocked my back all out of whack. Carl & I went four-wheeling while there, and after a "jump", my hip started hurting. Last Wednesday I went to my chiropractor.

If you've read me for any amount of time, you know I LOVE the chiropractor. Like... the first person I go to when hurt or sick is my chiropractor. We're good friends as well, which helps! She was in the delivery room when I gave birth to Keevia.

So last week she "un-jammed" my right hip, which had never been jammed that way before. And fixed my L3 Vertebrae. And my neck was out of alignment. And my sacrum. Yeah...

It got better for about two days. Then it started getting progressively worse. I was already scheduled to go back today, so I (stupidly) held out until today.

Yeah....

My pelvis AND my sacrum was out. And my hip was jammed in two DIFFERENT ways. She did English Bone Setting on my neck. And my L5 vertebrae was out.

Talent.

Actually, I think my PCOS may be causing the tendons & ligaments in my body to go all crazy. When I got pregnant (both times) I would go out really, really bad RIGHT after I got pregnant. I don't know, I'm kind of confused with my body right now.

But, as I sit here typing, I'm a little sore (My chiropractor doesn't "crack" your back like traditional chiropractors, she does what's called the Activator method. Much "calmer" and lasts longer, but generally doesn't relieve pain as quickly as a hand manipulation) still, but I can tell a HUGE difference! As a preventative treatment (ha!) Carl and I are looking into purchasing a King Size mattress (more on this later).

But, this is all to say... I'm back! My hips were hurting SO badly that I couldn't concentrate this weekend. Oh, and did y'all notice anything new up at the top? I now own my own domain! Woohoo!

Have a great Wednesday!

Wordless Wednesday

2011-03-30T10:14:00.000-04:00

She may or may not be spoiled rotten.

(I swear, I'll be back soon. Stay tuned!)

Toddler Reset Button

2011-03-24T14:23:00.001-04:00

Toddlers have tantrums. That's no news to anyone. My toddler is getting especially good at the foot stamping, head thrown back, screaming her head off tantrums!

The past two days, Miss Priss has decided that naps are for losers. Therefore, this is what I see a lot.

I've found out, however, in the past day, that if you head off the tantrums, that they don't seem to be as bad. Oh, they still happen, but instead of being 30 minutes of inconsolable toddler drama, it usually is only around 5. I'm sure that this distraction method is also common knowledge!

The majority of our tantrums are caused by teething right now. It can be expected! When you have 6-7 teeth coming in at once (I'm not real sure of the number, she never opens her mouth long enough!), it's difficult to be good all the time! I'm anxiously awaiting the arrival of our amber teething necklace.

Anyway, with the teeth kicking our butts, tantrums are running high. Our current way of making them go away? Well, it has me handing in my AP card.

Step 1. Get a orange Sherbert Push Up. Feed to child.
Step 2. Turn on Wiggles.

The sugar revs her up, the cold soothes her teeth, and the Wiggles make her zone out. Once she "resets" herself, she acts normally. There are other reset methods we use as well... change of scenery, stripping off her clothes, tickling her when she tries to throw herself backwards off my lap...

What is (or was) your toddlers reset button?

Never Say Never: Sweets

2011-03-24T07:56:00.000-04:00

As I'll confess later today... My Never Say Never this week has to do with sugar.

When I was pregnant, I swore I would never give my child unrefined sugar until she was at LEAST three years old. I swore I'd make her first birthday cake from honey and other more natural sweeteners.

Fast forward to when she's born.... yeah...
When she was itty bitty, she would scream BLOODY MURDER in the car seat. So, to get her to take her paci (and therefore go to sleep), I used to coat her paci in peppermint candy. It would calm her down enough to take the paci.

Graham Crackers became staples in our kids diet. It was the first thing she could hold on to and chew on at the same time. Ice cream is also a treat she enjoys. And her first birthday cake? I did bake it from scratch, but it definitely had refined sugar in it!

We do still greatly limit the amount of sugar she receives, but are much more lenient than I once planned!

What have you done that you said you would never do? Leave a link in the comments to your post! If I don't follow you, mention it and I'll get right on that!

Struggling

2011-03-23T08:27:00.000-04:00

I know it seems silly to write about struggling with weight-loss less than 24 hours after I published my post about it clicking, but it's true. I'm struggling.

I'm struggling because I love food. Not necessicarily love to EAT food, but I love to cook. Love. it. I watch cooking shows (driving my husband crazy I'm sure), I read cook books, the only magazine I receive is a cooking one...Cooking calms me like nothing else can.

Last night I attempted a peanut butter and chocolate bread pudding with caramel sauce. I only ate two bites of it (because it was a fail), but I still made it...without even THINKING about the diet.

Lifestyle changes don't come quickly, I realize that.... but do I have to give up my love of being in the kitchen? Do I just focus on making healthy recipes? But what about baking?

I'm just struggling with putting my passion inline with my needs.

It clicked.

2011-03-22T12:41:00.000-04:00

Blair spoke a few weeks ago about how her weight loss clicked. I thought that mine had. I was wrong.

It clicked this weekend. It clicked when I saw this picture. It clicked when I didn't recognize that person in the picture because she's surrounded by fat. I want to love that picture, because it's a wonderful family portrait. But I can't love it. Because I look so different from what I feel in that picture.

It clicked.

Right after we snapped that photo, I glanced through the pictures on my viewfinder. I almost audibly gasped . That is what I look like? I thought to myself. That's what people see when they look at me? I don't feel that fat. I feel skinny sometimes... I'm in denial. I managed to hold it together until we got up to the car, and then I just started crying. My wonderful husband was straight with me. Crying won't solve anything. DOING will.

So I went grocery shopping. I purchased some Lean Cuisine meals for lunches (portion controlled, calorie controlled... not the best I know, but I need structure right now), lots of veggies, and nothing really bad. I'm making out a plan for myself, and the main thing I'm going to do is EXERCISE.

My food plan is this:

Breakfast Options:

Cereal (portion controlled, healthy cereal. I've never liked sugary cereals).

Oatmeal & Fruit

Eggs & Fruit

Lunch Options:

Lean Cuisine

Salad (dressed with oil & lemon juice)

Tuna Sandwich (limited mayo, whole wheat bread only)

PB Sandwich

Dinner Options:

Child's plate of whatever I fix the hubby (usually a healthy option anyway).

Snack Options:

Fruit

Nuts

Popcorn

Guacamole & Veggies

PB & Grapes

I'm allowed 1 cheese serving a day.

I'm not drinking anything but milk, water, coffee, or juice.

I'm either Zumbaing, Walking or Shredding every day.

I'm taking it 24 hours at a time.

I'm purchasing a new water bottle and working up to 120 ounces a day.

I'm limiting computer use to 1 hour during the day. After the sun goes down I can get on, but when the sun is up and I should be doing other things, it's an hour.

I know we're trying to get pregnant, but honestly? I may not be able to until I lose some of this weight. Weight and PCOS are not friends. So, even if I DO get pregnant, I'm going to keep up this regime. Because it would be the best for the baby, and for myself. I only gained 24 lbs with Keevia, and then lost it all right after I had her. Then I ballooned up to 249, which is where I am now. So, right now I'm working on getting down to 214. That would be where I was before I got pregnant with Keevs. After that I'll work towards 200lbs (where I was before I miscarried), then 180 (where I was in college). I'd be perfectly happy at 180.

It clicked today. I'll make it click tomorrow.

Woah, It's FRIDAY?

2011-03-18T00:42:00.000-04:00

Don't you just hate ~~days~~weeks where you don't really have anything to show, but you feel like you've done nothing but be on the run?

Yeah, me too.

I may have mentioned it before... Mom and I both suffer from fibromyalgia. This was a tough week. We've noticed that when the weather is changing, or a front is coming in, that our pain goes up dramatically. Monday or Tuesday (I don't remember) was one of the worst days I've had in a while. I get the "fibrobrain" which is our term for fuzzy-headedness, and being unable to think of words. When this happens, I have a hard time doing things... like cooking, or trying to write freelance.

As the week went on, I was slowly more aware, ha! But it was a struggle. And I hate that. I hate that Mom and I have to struggle on a daily basis to perform activities that most people don't find daunting. A trip to the grocery store can be devastating if they have the air-conditioning too high (getting chilled makes the symptoms worse). A handful of errands causes the whole day to be lost because of the recovery period after the errands! It's ridiculous!

Both Mom and I need to exercise more frequently. For me, it's reaching a critical point. I refuse to buy clothes in a larger size than what I have now, but I'm beginning to run out of clothes. Exercise is SO hard with fibro. If you do too much, you can't exercise the next day. Exercising makes the fibro better, but you have to walk a fine line.

It's such a frustrating disease (disorder?). Everyone expects you to just take a pill and move on, but I'm sorry. A pill does not cure all ills. I would rather suffer pain than be on something that changes my personality, or becomes addictive. So I stick with ibuprofen.

One plus, when it came time to have my baby girl, everyone thought I was crazy for going all natural, and few people thought I'd do it. I knew I would. I know pain. Fibromyalgia, ovarian cysts, two knee operations, back problems... and you think labor's difficult?

This post has no point. It's merely musings about a difficulty that rules my life some weeks, and some weeks I rule it. Lets hope next week is one of those weeks.

Never Say Never Blog Hop!

2011-03-17T08:05:00.002-04:00

I've been thinking recently, that in my life, there are a lot of things I'm doing that I said I would never do. So, I decided to create this weekly (or bi-monthly maybe) blog hop.


If anyone wants to make me a prettier button, feel free, my graphic design skills are...lacking.

So, here's the deal. You steal that button, and post it in your post. Or you link back to this post in your post. Or both. I don't care. But then you come back here and link up with the handy-dandy linky at the bottom! If i don't follow you, leave me a comment and I'll make sure to when I stop by your blog!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I never understood why kids had DVD players in the backseat of cars. I grew up just fine relying strictly on the radio and a good book. I swore and declared that my child would NEVER have a DVD player in the car. It was useless!

My daughters DVD player arrived on Tuesday. She's 16 months.

Why, you may ask, did I go back on my word? My daughter despises night-time travel. DESPISES it. She will scream and cry, even if I'm in the backseat with her. She's made herself sick before. She's fiiiiine during the day. She'll sleep in her carseat, she'll talk to us, she'll look at books or play with her toys, or just watch the scenery. But come night time? oh no. She's a different person. The ONLY way to calm her is to sit back in the back with her and let her watch Sprout Podcasts on my iPod. I can only take Sprout commercials for so long.

So, I bought her a DVD player. I'm hoping that this solves our nighttime screaming. I was scared that I would have to drive somewhere with her by myself at night, and not have a way of comforting her. It'll be limited to night-time use, but hopefully will be a lifesaver! Plus, if we go to the shop and she gets tired, she can watch it there as well.

So yes, let me turn in my AP card for allowing my toddler to watch TV. Even in the car.

What do YOU do that you said you'd never do? If you don't have a blog, feel free to leave a comment! If you have a blog, link up!

Wee Essentials Review

2011-03-16T15:00:00.000-04:00

So, I never ever win anything. Like, EVER. I enter giveaways ALL the time to no avail. It's been like that my entire life. True story. But I never give up hope!

This time last year, I entered some giveaways on my friend Stephanie's blog. And I won! Two in a ROW! I won a gift certificate to both Wee Essentials and Angel Baby Earth Mama. For whatever reason, I used my EMAB gift card, but never redeemed my Wee Essentials. Well, I followed WE on facebook & twitter for the whole year, and a few weeks ago, the owner hosted a giveaway on her facebook page. And I entered. Cuz honestly? I enter EVERYTHING I can, ha! It was for 3 Ooga Booga pantyliners. I've been contemplating doing "mama cloth" for a while, as the chemicals in pads make me break out. I have to wear pantyliners a LOT because of the PCOS (and an excess of fluid) and if I'm blessed to be pregnant again anytime soon, I'll need them even worse! So, I entered.

AND I WON. I was sooooo excited. Like everyone else, our finances are tight right now. When she contacted me for my address, I asked if I could still use my gift card, and she said sure!

So, in the mail today, I received:
3 Ooga Booga Pantyliners
1 Tie Dyed Panty Liner
A Medium Jar of Cherry Vanilla SoapBits
A Sample of Rice Flower & Shea soap bits
An organic sucker (which Keevia may or may not get to taste..)
And a hand-written note.

All wrapped up in tissue paper and tied with twine. Honestly, I squealed when I opened the package. The panty-liners are SO STINKING CUTE, and look like they would work really, really well. They're super soft flannel and a dark color so that your, eh, accidents don't show up too badly.

The soap bits smell DIVINE. I cannot WAIT to use them as a cloth wipe solution! I also didn't realize you could use them as refills for foaming hand soap. HELLO HEAVEN.

I just love how personal and cute she makes everything. Just stinkin adorable. She's excellent to work with, has outstanding customer service, and great product. If you're in the market for Mama Cloth, soap bits, chaptstick, or even natural sinus relief, PLEASE check her store out!

DISCLAIMER: I received the items in the post via a giveaway. The owner of the store in no way, shape, or form asked me to write this. I was merely shocked and amazed by the level of service I received, and the quality of the product and wanted to share it with all my peeps. Happy now Mr.Government Officials?

Giving it to God.

2011-03-16T09:07:00.001-04:00

I'm going to be truthful. I am really, really struggling right now.

I want to be pregnant. BADLY want to be pregnant. Which is weird. Two months ago I BADLY didn't want to be pregnant. My baby was still a baby. I just strongly felt that I wasn't ready. Then it was like BAM and my baby hormones kicked in again.

Which is fine. But at that same time, I had a 54 day cycle. I'm currently like 37 days into a cycle right now. As soon as I get my period, I can start doing my basal temperature, but it's a waiting game to get my period.

And the hormones, oh my the hormones....Someone I know from high school posted a pregnancy announcement recently, and I was just overcome. I don't remember it being this bad after my miscarriage (although I'm sure it was worse, our hearts have a funny way of forgetting). Everyone it seems (I know not EVERYONE, but you know what I mean), seems to be pregnant, or to have just had a little bundle. I just don't understand the sudden RUSH of emotions.

So I'm trying to do what I need to do. I'm trying my hardest to hand it over to God. To say "Here. Your timing is perfect. You've shown us that already. Your timing in this would be phenomenal. I lay it in your hands."

It's hard y'all. It's very hard. All the what-ifs begin swirling in your head. "What if I can't get pregnant?" "What if Keevia is supposed to be an only child?" And those what-if's are scary when your dream is to be a mother, to have numerous children.

I really feel like this PCOS is kicking my butt right now. Before I had Keevia my cycles were pretty spot on, now they're 54 days??? We're almost completely weaned (she nurses like once a day), so I doubt that's it... I'd say it's the PCOS.

I'm trying to move forward. To take control of this disorder. To exercise. To diet right.

Lord, I lay it all in your hands. I lay the PCOS, the next pregnancy, the hopes and the fears. They're all yours. I know your timing is perfect. I know you have plans for us beyond our imagination, beyond our hope. I just pray that you open my eyes to your plan, and allow me to understand the steps you lead me on. I thank you for my beautiful daughter, my loving husband, and your Son, that you sacrificed for all of us. I thank you for the air we breath, and for the way you take care of us. I beg you to take care of this for me. It's in your holy name I pray.

Amen.

Joy Is...

2011-03-15T23:39:00.000-04:00

Being outside on the first really warm day(s) of the year...

Stangers in the Night...

2011-03-15T09:12:00.000-04:00

If you open up my back door, this is the view you get. Lovely, isn't it? Winter is pretty bleak in these parts, but that wood you see is the GLORIOUS deck my in-laws gave us for Christmas! But anyway, that's the hill behind our house.

This is just slightly to the left of that picture:

See anything odd in this picture? It's very hard to spot. Go to the top of the post, and go right about an inch. See that? That's a pop can.

Now, when we first moved in, I suddenly noticed a couple of pop cans on the hill (it is EXTREMELY steep, and will be very difficult to get to them to remove them), I figured that the guys that put my house in had thrown them up there while they were installing the house, and didn't really think anything of it.

Over the months, the popcans began to fade in color, and I never paid that close of attention to them. Then suddenly this winter, when there was snow on the ground, I noticed a NEW pop can, on TOP of the snow.

I thought it was odd, and mentally took stock of the cans when the snow melted off. There were three that I could see.

A few weeks ago, I noticed a couple more. I counted again, and sure enough, there were five. I began to pay MUCH closer attention. I asked my husband, just to be safe, and he said he had never tossed a can up there. I watched it like a HAWK when I went out in the mornings. Two weeks ago a sixth one showed up.

Now, I have to admit this little secret. I believe in bigfoot. Sasquatch. Whatever you want to call him. Over the past 3 months, I'd been joking that a Bigfoot was leaving me presents. Suddenly, I wasn't joking anymore. What in the WORLD was doing this? We have two dogs, but the incline was too great for them to get up there.

Fast-forward to last week. I was attempting to find our liquid children's benadryl in the house, to no avail. I knew I kept some in the diaper bag in the car, so I sent Carl out to look for it. He couldn't find it, so I gave up on it. The next day *I* looked for it, still no dice! A day or so later, we were backing out of the driveway and I glanced up on the hill. There, about 10-15 feet up the hill, was the bottle of benadryl. NO way for me to get it down. NO way for the dog to have gotten it up there. I was SO confused.

That night (or sometime very close) I was sitting in my chair, which is directly beside a window that leads to our deck. I kept hearing scratching noises, and little thumps. I made my husband (who was clad only in his underwear) get up and look (with a lot of whining and cajoling on my part).

Want to know what our culprit was?

One of these guys.
Yeah, that explains it.

(P.S. I'm assuming that the benadryl fell out of the car, and it got a hold of it that way. Otherwise we have a super, duper smart raccoon that can open car doors. Then I'm REALLY in trouble).

Lets name him Doug, shall we?

The one where I stuff toys down my bra....

2011-03-14T14:30:00.000-04:00

I'm posting about Blair a lot today, but y'all, she's hilarious. She recently wrote a post about toy scalping. You should read it. In the post (if you're lazy and don't want to read it....)she talks about her sons attachment to a stuffed monkey, and her desperate search for a standin monkey, you know, in case monkey ever bit the dust.

She found one. On Ebay. For $75. Yeeks.

I wrote this little bit of wisdom on her blog:
"I WISH my child would take a lovey. At this point I would pay $75 for her to! Her lovey is my boobs. I’m not joking. Her hand shoots down my shirt whenever she’s tired, feels stressed, is hurt… ANYTHING. And she has to rub them to go to sleep. We’re working on going to sleep on her own in her crib, and I currently have to pull my bra off, lean over, pull my shirt down so my boobs are exposed, and let her rub them to go to sleep. We’re trying to get pregnant… I don’t think haulin’ a pregnant belly over the crib railing is going to work."

And y'all, I so would. We're almost weaned (yes, don't worry, a post is coming about that later), but she has to rub my boobs to fall asleep. She worries them just like some kids worry a lovie. If she's sleeping with me, that's what she goes to to comfort herself. It doesn't usually bother me, but when it takes her upwards of 45 minutes to fall asleep... I think I'm going to scream.

Plus, we really are trying to get her to go to sleep in her own crib. We're currently waiting on the 6-7 teeth she has coming through to show themselves though, because, well, that's just mean.

Meet "TipTop" which is obviously going to need a new name soon.

I have decided that this is going to be Keevia's lovie. I scored it on Amazon for like $7 (I was trying to get my free super saver shipping, as I stupidly let my Amazon Mom Prime run-out, LAME!).

I'm going to be desperate about this y'all. I'm going to sleep on her sheets. I'm going to stuff this little fellow down my bra and make a BIG DEAL about it when it gets here. I'm praying she takes to it. She loves her pacifier and her Mommy. I want her to love a stuffed animal as well.

So yes. I'm desperate. I will stuff random things down my bra for them to have that magic momma scent. I would crawl into her crib if I thought it would help. Or, you know, if I thought I could get back out.

Anyone have any ideas for a name for this thing?

24

2011-03-14T12:44:00.000-04:00

No, not the TV show.

Blair, at Heir to Blair (who, by the way, is the reason I always do weightloss posts on Monday), discussed how she read an article in a magazine (normally read by menopausal women, just sayin') by Dr. Oz that encouraged people to take their weight loss journeys 24 hours at a time.

Well. Duh.

That point may seem rather obvious, but I to admit, after reading her post, I had an AHA! moment.

Of COURSE you should take it 24 hours at a time. Of COURSE. I've been trying to take it a week at a time, and I've been failing miserably. I do okay on Monday and Tuesday, but by Thursday (at the latest) I'm completely useless.

So this week, I'm taking it day by day. TODAY I will exercise. TODAY I will drink enough water. TODAY I will eat well.

And tomorrow? Tomorrow I'll do the same. But I'll worry about that tomorrow.

Oh, and BA? You should have seen MY "stepping out on Saturday outfit." It makes yours look classy. :)

WINNER, WINNER, Chicken Dinner!

2011-03-12T10:42:00.000-05:00

Which means...

Congrats! I'm emailing you now to get your mailing address!

My poor girl...

2011-03-11T16:28:00.000-05:00

My poor sweet girl. This is how I'm seeing her a lot today.

We've been having sleep problems for a while now. Absolutely fighting going down like it's no ones business. I've been miserable, questioning my parenting choices... questioning, well, everything. She would usually (not always) sleep once she went to sleep, but getting her to sleep was a war. Finally we discovered that Daddy can get her to sleep much easier than me. For whatever reason. So we're going with it.

Last night she was SO fussy. I knew she was overtired, but she was just unconsoleable. My mom was holding her, and I happened to glance in her mouth (as she was screaming, I might add).

Low and behold... I see that her molars. MOLARS are swollen. Now, this may not be a big deal for most parents of 16 month olds... but my kid and teething are kind of different. She didn't get her first tooth until she was 1 year, 10 days old. Then she got three. Right now she has 6 teeth. Three on the bottom (two bottom middle, bottom right) and three on the top (same configuration). Her fourth "front" tooth is coming through on the top. Her bottom "front" tooth has no inclination of coming in. Like, at all. But whatever.

So, I was shocked that her molars were swollen. Then, I examined closer.

Her molars aren't just swollen. Her bottom molars, bottom eye teeth, top eye teeth, and possibly her top molars are all swollen. Y'all, that is 8 teeth. AND she still hasn't gotten that top front tooth through.

My poor, poor girl.

We gave her Tylenol last night, and she slept from 11pm-5am in her crib, then came in bed with me until 9am. It was blissful.

So, I expect we'll be doing a lot of this for a while, and I'm okay with it.

Baby snuggles are my favorite.

Potty Learning

2011-03-10T12:50:00.000-05:00

I usually blog at night, and have "scheduled" posts for the next day. It means the posts usually happen in the morning, and I don't have to worry about posting during breakfast and such. Works for me! Since our internet went out though, my schedule has been kind of upset.

I actually had an entire different post planned, which will still probably take place tomorrow. But, last night, my little girl did something that changed todays plan.

MY SIXTEEN MONTH OLD PEED IN THE POTTY!

Who me?

Now, I know that she's not going to be prancing around in underwear next week. But it's a step.

I subscribe to potty learning instead of potty training. Training makes me think of dogs, and I don't like thinking of my kid as a dog... so I call it potty learning. I am teaching her to use the potty like a big girl, not training her to do so (and training, in my opinion, insinuates discipline, which I don't think has a place ((or has a very small place)) when it comes to using the bathroom).

My husband thought I was crazy when I purchased Keevia a potty chair right after her first birthday. "She's too little!" he exclaimed, "She can't even walk yet!"

"I know" I replied, "But I want her to get used to it." And that's exactly what we've done. We're getting used to the potty. Every night, when I'm running her bath, I strip her off naked and put her on the potty, and ask her if she needs to pee. Some nights she sits there happily, some nights she fusses as soon as I put her on there. I usually leave her there for, oh, 20 seconds if she fusses, then help her off. I never want to force her, or make her be wary of the potty. If she's happy, I let her sit there until the bath has ran. I'm not even that consistent about it. We bath at Mamaw's house once or twice a week. Sometimes she and I take showers together.

Night before last (Tuesday night), I sat her on the potty and she fussed, so I got her back off and went along running her bath. I moved my foot a little and noticed that rug under my toes was wet... sure enough, after looking at her legs, I saw that my little stinker had promptly peed all over the floor. So I simply said: "Keevia, did you pee? It's okay baby, but when we have to pee and we don't have a diaper on, we pee in the potty, not on the floor. Let's get in the bathtub." I threw the rug in the wash and bathed my kid. After setting her out of the tub all sparkly clean, she took off, naked, towards the living room. I followed her, then went into the bedroom to get a diaper. I heard Carl go 'Uhoh Mommy! She just pooped on the carpet!' I came out of the bedroom going "REALLY? Really!!!" and then noticed he was laughing, he told me he was joking, then I looked down. "Well, she didn't poop, but she did pee!" So I repeated my little "We pee in the potty" spiel.

Fast forward to last nights bath time. Per usual, I stripped her down and plopped her on the potty, then went about getting the bath temperature right. No fussing! Once I got the temperature situated, I turned around and she signed "All Done" and held out her arms, and I got her off the potty chair.

And the rejoicing began.

So where do I go from here? I'm just going to keep on keeping on. We're learning the "potty" sign, and I ask her when I go in the bathroom if she wants to sit on her potty. I know we're months away from truly being "learned", but hey, a step is a step.

I honestly never thought I'd get so worked up over a little pee.

Panicked.

2011-03-09T10:25:00.001-05:00

Our internet went out yesterday. I know, it was horrific. I don't know how I survived.

No, really. I bout went crazy. I have never been that dependent on the internet! I was constantly trying to check my email. I had emails I needed to respond to, bills I needed to pay, and freelance I needed to do.

But instead, I got to snuggle with a very, very gassy 16 month old. Crochet some for Rows For Remembrance, and watch Glee! with my husband.

Maybe that panicked feeling was more of a blessing than anything else!

(p.s..... This is my 300th post. How cool is that????)

My Husband is my Hero.

2011-03-08T10:00:00.000-05:00

I'm a stay at home mom (mostly). I mainly take care of our daughter all day. Now that she's older, I'm slowly being able to reclaim my home (except the guest room. Lets forget the guest room, shall we?). But I still get so frustrated when the laundry is piled up, or the dishes are taking over the kitchen. My husband speaks my love language.

My husband works hard. Like, really hard. I'm sure I really don't have any idea how hard, I just know he comes back with some biiiiig sweat stains on his shirts. He doesn't sit behind a desk all day (not that there is anything wrong with that!), he does manual labor. His job requires him to put up doors, windows, paint, hillmen, cabinets, countertops, etc all day long. I am in awe of him. Really!

On top of all that, he comes home and he vacuums. And he takes out the trash. And he baths the baby. And lately, he's the only one who can get her to go to sleep.

He's my hero.

He knows when I can't take anymore screaming, and swoops in and takes Miss Priss. He knows when I get aggrevated by things, and steers us away. He usually knows what I'm thinking before I do. He is so fiercely protective of me and Keevia, and yet he's as gentle as a big teddy bear.

He is forever understanding when I'm sleep deprived, and gives the bed to me and the baby. He begs me to sleep in (even when I can't), and wants me to do WHATEVER it is that will make my life easier. He would buy me anything I merely though about wanting in a heartbeat if we had the money.

He's my hero.

We struggled through high school and college, dating then breaking up... but honestly? I can't imagine my life any different. He is so good to me, and I can only hope I am half as good to him.

I love you baby. Thank you for everything you do for me, and for Keevia. Thank you for how hard you work. Thank you for taking care of us. You really are my hero.

Who is your hero?

Achilles Heel

2011-03-07T16:31:00.000-05:00

I've discovered what my Achilles heel is, especially when it comes to weightloss.

I suck at exercising.

Now, I could sit here and tell you I don't have time. Or that I don't have the resources, living in the small town that I do.

But I'd be lying.

I have the full Zumba DVD set. I've done one part of it once.

I have numerous other DVDs. I have the 30 Day Shred. I have Netflix access and could use their streaming videos. I have a CardioGlide exercise machine, and a cool bike thing at my Moms.

I don't do any of it.

I do have pain, and that partially keeps me from exercising. Working out with a bum hip can be excruciating.

But it's no excuse. In fact, it should be motivation.

I'm making no other goals, or any other comments, other than to say that this week, I pledge to work out three times. Three times between now and when I post next Monday is not impossible. I can do this.

P.S. I know I said I wouldn't comment anything else, but, um, guys? My pants didn't fit QUITE as tightly this week. And my pudge over my pants wasn't QUITE as big! Score! I haven't stepped on the scales, but they still feel looser!

"Voices of the Faithful" Book Review and GIVEAWAY!

2011-03-07T15:41:00.002-05:00

A few months ago, I signed up on BookSneeze, and received my first book. I'll be honest, I picked this book because it had an author I was familiar with!

"Voices of the Faithful" is a daily devotion book, written by various authors. Beth Moore wrote the introduction and lent her name to the book. I've always had a heart for missions, and this definitely speaks to my heart!

Each day is written by a different author. They are small little stories written by real-life missionaries, showing the trials and tribulations of their life's work. It also shows the joy, the hope, the faith in God that gets them through.

I'll be honest, I didn't read the entire book. I did jump around a bit to get a feel for the whole book. Overall, I really enjoyed it. Each chapter of the book (each month) is a different theme. I really liked this, because if I was feeling persecuted, I could jump to June. If I needed to delve into God's Word a little, I could just to February. I loved that organizational touch! At the end of December there is a little bio of Beth Moore and information about Living Proof Ministries. It then delves in a little more into the mission field and gives information about how to pray, as well as if you're considering the mission field.

Each devotion is set up with a verse at the beginning, then the devotional part (the story), then a prayer at the end.

Personally, I longed for a longer devotion. I know that's not always feasible in a year-long daily devotional, but some entry's still seemed too short to me. It felt like I would just delve into a story and then be uprooted. Also, I'm not big on guided prayers, and they all seemed a little corny for me. However, I realize I probably need more corny in my life!

I would recommend this to anyone who has a heart for missions, or a heart for prayer (shouldn't we all?). Perhaps someone who wants a deeper level devotional should look elsewhere, but for someone who is looking for a 5 minute quick devotional... this is perfect! I would recommend it to all of my new Christian friends!

________________________________________________________________

And now.... who wants to WIN this book?

Great! It's super-duper simple. Are you ready?

1. Leave your name & email address! That's it! (Mandatory)

Additional entries:
2. Like "The Divas Mom Blog" on Facebook, then, suggest us to your friends. Anyone who likes the page and gives YOUR name will give YOU an extra entry!
3. Become a GFC follower!

Please leave a SEPARATE comment with each entry!

Giveaway will END on March 11th at 11:59 PM! I'll draw a winner then!

DISCLAIMER: I was given this book for free to review. I have given my honest thoughts about the book, and have received no other compensation because of my review.

Feeeeeeeeeeeever... in the morning... Fever all through the night...

2011-03-05T15:44:00.000-05:00

I have a fever. I think it's contagious.

Not Bieber fever, not a fever that needs more cowbell, and not a fever that raises the numbers on the thermometer.

I have baby fever.

Every time I get on facebook it seems there are more and more pregnant bellies and pregnancy announcements. And I badly want to join them.

We're ready to be pregnant with number two, we're just trying to have it done on God's timing, not ours. We hadn't been actively trying, but we haven't been doing anything to prevent it either.

Once I start my period, I'm going to chart again. My cycles are all screwed up because of this lovely PCOS, and I'd like to at least have an idea when I'm ovulating. Since I had Keevia my cycles have switched from 28 days to 64 days. Yeah...

So it may take us a while... and we're okay with that. I think my little girl is finally big enough to be a big sister (especially since it'll take another 9 months once we get a positive!), and I'm confident in being able to take care of two. Now just comes the waiting, and praying, game.

God knows whats best, and I accepted that a long time ago, now I'm just praying that his timing, and our timing, aren't completely against each other.

Baby Sign Language

2011-03-03T14:05:00.000-05:00

I live in the middle of nowhere, as I'm sure we've discussed before. I had absolutely no earthly idea about baby sign language until I was pregnant, because, well, no one does it around here. When I was pregnant, I was signing up for natural birth classes at my favorite local store, Mother Nurture, and I saw sign ups for a Baby Signing class. Around that same time, I stumbled upon the Attachment Parenting boards at thebump.com, and found numerous people talking about various signs. So I got curious.

I bought a book or two on clearance, and promptly forgot about it. Until it became apparent that my little 4 month old KNEW when she wanted to nurse, she just couldn't communicate it. So I googled the sign for nurse (and chose to just to 'milk' for nurse, because she wasn't receiving any other milk at the time other than the boob), and began asking her if she wanted to nurse, and doing the sign. It wasn't very long afterwards (She was about 5-5 1/2 months) when I suddenly realized that she was doing it! She was signing to nurse! Not only that, when someone else had her, she would make the nursing sign to come back to Momma.

I was sooooooooooo excited, and yet I kind of dropped the ball. She stopped signing it as much, and I stopped teaching her new signs. Around the ten-twelve months though, I could tell her frustration levels were rising. So I started trying to teach her "more", "eat" and "Drink" for some reason that child has a mental block against eat and drink, but she picked up "more" in MINUTES. Since then, I'm struggling to find signs to teach her. Usually I show her a sign once, and BAM she knows it. It is OUTSTANDING.

Yesterday, she had just pooped, and was walking around my parents living room. I'd been working on "diaper" and "change" separately. My Dad, who fully supports signing but doesn't know all the ones she does, says "I don't know what sign she's making, what's this?" and then performed a sign. My chin hit the ground. She was signing "Change"!!! Not only is this big for signing, but it's also a step towards potty learning!

I have kind of wavered back and forth on whether I think that it's limiting her spoken words, but just last night she came up and said 'want more juiwcee'. So obviously she can talk. I think she says stuff that we just don't catch some times, and she's not one to repeat a performance (i.e. repeat a word she said).

Her current signs are:
more
bird
dog
cat (when prompted)
nurse
drink (sometimes)
hungry
bath
change
sleep
want
all done
down
car
wiggles (she made up her own!)
small
big

She learns new signs daily, like I said. It's difficult for me to keep up! It has made our lives SO MUCH EASIER! When she's crying and inconsolable, I can start asking questions "Do you want a drink? Are you hungry?" and instead of just crying, she can answer me. I am forever grateful to whoever it was that determined little ones can use sign!

Boba 2G Baby Carrier

2011-03-02T08:30:00.002-05:00

I know, I know... I own a lot of carriers. To date, I own a DIY Mei Tai, a DIY pouch sling, DIY woven wrap, Ergo Original in Galaxy, Beco Butterfly in I havenoideawhatprint and now a Boba 2G Baby Carrier in Earth.

I have not been compensated for this review. Full disclosure and all that.

As you can probably tell, I adore babywearing. Both my Beco and Ergo worked well, but I had the same problem with each carrier. I'd get Keevs in on my back, she'd fall asleep, and she would flop backwards. My kid is long waisted. She wears an entire size larger in shirts than she does in pants. Onesies are difficult for her because she's so long. I KNEW it couldn't be comfortable on her neck, and when you have a 16 month old with the head size of a normal FOUR YEAR OLD you worry about these things.

My friend Krista had recently bought done a carrier trial, and picked a Boba. I knew my friend Jessica had one, but I had just assumed that they were similar to the Ergo and Beco and it wasn't worth my time.

So I started researching, since both of my Mom friends loved them. And I discovered that they had a higher back than the Ergo AND the Beco. But... $100 is a lot of shell out when you don't have it.I desperately wanted one by this summer, when I very well may be doing a summer camp that would have me and Keevs going by ourselves. I needed somewhere she could nap for long periods of time, but would allow me to walk around some.

So, I began researching. And low and behold, a week or so after I decided I wanted a Boba, they went on sale for 40% off. Score! Even bigger score? The color I wanted was included in the discount!

I anxiously stalked the delivery, and met the mailman in the driveway. I tried it on as SOON as I got it out of the box. It was incredibly easy to adjust. And man, oh man, was it comfortable!

I LOVE the removable foot straps. LOVE LOVE LOVE. My 16 month old isn't quite big enough for them yet, but I love that it'll let her keep a good seat when she is. I also adore how it holds her closer to me.

And the flopping issue? Not a problem anymore!!! Keevs likes to flop back when awake as well, which can knock me off balance, and sometimes is quite dangerous. She can't do it in this carrier!!

We went to the mall this past weekend, and she slept in it twice. The sleep hood is darling and works well. I had to have help putting it up and on, but not a big deal. Even without the sleep hood though, HER HEAD DOESN'T FLOP!

I literally couldn't be happier. In many ways there isn't big differences between the Ergo, Beco and Boba, but it solved the problem I was having by having a longer rise!

The only negative is that it can only be used with babies 15 lbs and up. The Beco and Ergo both can be used with newborns (Beco has a built in infant harness, Ergo has one you can purchase separately). This wasn't a big deal to me, as I prefer to wrap or MT a newborn, but it's something to keep in mind. I didn't get either my Beco or Ergo until K was about 5-6 months, so I never tried them with a newborn either.

Love. Love. Love my Boba. I would honestly say that out of the three I have, it's my number one choice!

Toddler Must Haves

2011-03-01T08:30:00.002-05:00

When Keevia was like, what, two months old? I did two (well, three) posts on "Keevia's Must Haves" and "What Not To Waste Your Money On" as well as one where I freaked out because I forgot baby carriers.

So now, I'm doing a Toddler Must Haves. I don't know if I'll think of anything that falls into the Toddler What Not to Waste Money On... we'll see. For the picky people... I was not compensated in any way, shape, or form for any of these products. I bought them all myself (or had them bought for me by family members). I am receiving nothing for linking to any of these brands, I just really, really like them. That is all.

1. Robeez Shoes. I know the pricetag is high. I have yet to buy a pair of Robeez for retail price. Once Upon a Child and Spot's Corner are your friend. I've spent $12 on a pair as my absolute most expensive ones....and Keevia wears them on a daily basis, so I see them as a good investment! Now, granted, Keevia has one pair of "big" shoes, hard rubber soles, so that when it's rainy and muddy she can walk around outside. But 90% of the time, she's in her Robeez. She had only 1 pair in the previous size (6-12 months) but she currently has 3 pairs in 12-18. I need to start looking for 18-24 months!

2. Baby Carrier. I personally LOVE and recommend the Boba, Beco and Ergo. I seriously cannot say enough good, positive things about these. They let me get housework done. They let me shop. They let me do ANYTHING other than sit on the couch cuddling a fussy baby. Love. Love. LOVE THEM.

3. Lightweight Stroller. I know I said before that I thought you could live without a stroller. I still think that. However, if you feel the need to have a stroller (and hey, I have 2...)I recommend forgoing a big burly one, and getting a smaller, lighter weight one. We have a Chicco Liteway and I LOVE it. A Maclaran is another good brand. We chose the Chicco above the Maclaran because the Chicco reclines fully, wheras the Maclaran does not. It was a big deal to me when I bought it, and I couldn't be happier. Keevia has taken many of a nap in that stroller! My only complaint is that the wheels stick quite a bit. If I'd had the money, I would have LOVED a Bumbleride Indie. Watch the second hand stores, especially if you're a Maclaran fan! I've seen numerous ones there!

4. High Chair/Booster. We did have a big HUGE high chair. I hated it. I now have a Summer Booster seat. I'm not CRAZY about it, because it doesn't have a tray... but Keevia can eat at the table with us now, which, once I get my butt in gear and clean it off better, is actually a big plus. Oh, and PS, check your local Big Lots... I paid $20 for mine!

5. Play Kitchen - Maybe not a MUST have, but it's been a huge hit for Keevia. We got her this one (or, well, we picked it out and Mamaw got her this one) because it grows with them. It fits her perfectly right now, and it'll grow with her as she gets taller. She loves it. Plus, if you have a super sweet aunt who makes you felt food for Christmas... all the better!

Other random things I love:
I love certain brands of clothes for Keevia. I'm a thrift store gal, so I buy what I can find. I'm sorry, but I doubt there will ever be a time where I will shell out $30 for one piece of clothing for her. Brands I like are as follows:
Baby Gap /Old Navy -- Very similar because they're made by the same company. I loves them. SUPER soft fabric and it totally wears well.
Garanimals - I don't love this brand in general, but I ADORE their pants. Both the sweats and their faux jeans. Keevia probably wore the jeans 4 days out of 7 this past winter.
Jumping Beans - I can usually score these for $1.50-2.00 at OUAC. I LOVE them because they fit over Keevia's head without a fight. They always either have buttons in the back, or buttons in the front, or are a little lower cut (with a demure thing that makes it not look scandalous). Other shirts I have to put a size up on her just to get them over her big noggin, but these I can actually put her in her size!
Carters - Still, mainly, for their sleepers. I love both the fleece ones and the cotton two piece. The fit is just better on them than any other brand!

Toddlers are just easier than babies. You need a lot less stuff! There's stuff like sippies and things that I use on a daily basis, but that's really just personal preference. We like NUK's (of course my child would take one of the more expensive ones!). But that's pretty much my only NEEDs. She's still in her carseat from my last post (Britax Boulevard). If we get pregnant again soon, I'll probably be purchasing a Sunshine Kids Radian for Keevia and then kiddo number two will inherit her Britax! We'll just have to see!

My current PCOS regime

2011-02-28T12:30:00.000-05:00

After having a cyst go explodey last month, I've started researching PCOS treatments again. My all-time favorite is an all natural progesterone cream, and if I have another cyst, I'll start using it again. It makes you CRAZY fertile though, but I think we're ready for kiddo take two.

The main way I'm treating my PCOS is by a change in diet. And ya know what? I've been doing pretty good this week! I even lost a few ounces, which, when all I HAD been doing was gaining, is pretty huge. My clothes are feeling like they might be not QUITE so tight as well... although that may be wishful thinking.

My diet changes are these. I'm either not eating breakfast, or eating a very late breakfast. Yes, I know, supposedly breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but according to Dr. Whitaker, skipping breakfast can help with diabetes. I'm treating my PCOS mainly as insulin resistency. Plus, I'm already high risk for being diabetic... PCOS just adds to that. I'm just attempting to nix it in the butt now (or at the very least, stay away from diabetes for as long as possible). So I'm skipping breakfast. I'm attempting to eat only after 11 am or noon. Sometimes I eat breakfast foods (oatmeal or whole-grain cereal) sometimes I skip straight to lunch food.

At some point during the day, I'm eating a big BIG salad. I use mixed greens (much healthier than iceberg!), broccoli slaw (BEST INVENTION EVER), a boiled egg, spinach, and a UBER tiny amount of ranch (or a simple lemon juice/EVOO dressing). Sometimes I eat this with a sandwich, sometimes by itself.

I eat a normal dinner (I.E. Whatever I fix my hubs) but I'm attempting to eat smaller portions. I think Nutrisystem would be amazing for me, but it isn't anywhere NEAR being in the finances for me. I love that their food is low-glycemic index! I'm attempting SO MUCH to eat as low-glycemic as possible. I honestly think that women with PCOS who have the funds should look into Nutrisystem!

I'm currently taking all my herbs and minerals at night, and then two more things in the morning. My mom (an RN) helped me research some things I was finding on inCYST and with the #PCOS tag on Twitter. After doing some research, my current vitamin regime is thus:

10,000 mgs Vitamin D
250 mg Magnesium (i HIGHLY RECOMMEND this for pregnant peeps. It keeps your swelling, blood pressure and leg cramps down! Its great for non-pregnant people as well!)
1,000 mg Fish oil
500 mg of Choline and Inositol*
500 (I think) mg of African Mango**
Whole Food Prenatal
250 mg Melatonin

* Choline and Inositol is something I discovered from the #PCOS tag on Twitter. It's not a miracle pill, but it helps your body work like it's supposed to, which, for people with PCOS is sometimes a difficult thing to do. It's found naturally in whole grains and things like Tofu.
** This is something that helps regulate your blood sugars, and is recommended by Dr. Oz and Dr. Whitaker. The plus? It's also a natural appetite suppressent.

I don't know if it's pyschological, or if its the Inositol/Choline & African Mango combination, but I have not had the munchies since I began taking these pills. It's magical. I just don't feel the need to eat in the afternoons/evenings like I did before. The only issue I'm having is with eating before bed, but I think that if I move my bedtime back some that'll help. When I eat at 6 and I'm awake until 2... I'm going to get hungry.

My water consumption and my exercise still need to go up. Like, desperately. But it's warming up here. Keevia and I can slowly start getting outside with her, and maybe walking more. I did carry 23+ lbs on my back for about 4 hours this weekend!

So there you go. Weightloss & PCOS. Maybe they can go hand in hand?

Why do I keep from singing?

2011-02-27T23:51:00.002-05:00

For those of you who may not know, singing has always been a big part of my life. Huge. Like, 95% of my time was devoted to it. I was choir(s), I sang solos in church, I led worship, I did 'entertainment' for a local festival. I sought out opportunities to sing as much as possible. I LIVED for choir. I LOVED singing for people. I actually started college as a vocal major, and then switched majors half way through mynsophomore year, but still graduated with a music minor.
When I wasn't singing with choir, or some other function, I was walking around the house singing whatever popped in my head. I swore that I had musical tourettes because I would randomly start singing something, or someone would say something that would spur a song cue. When I stepped into the shower, I gave an impromptu thirty minute concert for whoever was within hearing distance. I sang in the car WHEREVER we were going, usually at the top of my voice. I probably spent close to 4-6 hours singing a day.

I haven't sang in two years.

And it has absolutely nothing to do with the baby. Sure, it would be difficult to do much of anything with a 16 month old... but it really isn't her that is preventing me from doing what used to be my passion.

Today, I was blessed with the opportunity to go and see a childhood playmate of mine sing a recital. She did a co-recital actually, but in all honesty, I went with her. The stars were aligned, and somehow, I managed to go without my sweet baby girl (she was down for a nap about 10 minutes before I left).

So I went. I squeezed into a pew in the back as the announcer began talking. I sipped demurely from my water bottle, scanning the crowd. Then she began to sing her first piece "How Can I Keep From Singing?"

And it was gorgeous. Her tone was so crisp and clear, the notes just floated. I sat back in the pew and let the words flow over me. How do I keep from singing? Why do I keep from singing? I started crying as a piece was performed that I had performed before. I miss it.

While in the shower today, I started thinking. I do my best thinking in the shower. But I started thinking about why I don't sing anymore. And it's not just that I don't sing, it's that I will go out of my way to not sing. I've had numerous opportunities within the last two years, and when each one comes up, I conveniently find somewhere else to be, or some excuse to not perform.

My last semester of college, our choir was going to perform in Lincoln Center in NYC. The previous spring we had performed at Carnegie Hall. Carl and I had been engaged at the time, and had both went. It was wonderful. It was glorious. It was something I will forever be able to tell my children and my grandchildren. But the spring semester rolled around in 09 and the fees were due for the Lincoln Center trip.

The problem was, Carl and I were poor. Like, DIRT poor. I had raised the majority of my money the year before by writing letters and taking pledges, but I felt really, really bad about doing the same thing again. We pooled our funds, and had JUST enough money (well, almost just enough, we lacked about $200) for one of us to go.

I made the single most difficult decision of my life that day. I decided to drop out of choir and have Carl (the music major) go. I walked out of the music building knowing that I would never again sing with my college choir. Devastation doesn't begin to describe.

I'm not going to lie. I missed it like crazy that semester. Choir was an everyday class at our college, so Carl would leave to go, and if I were home, I'd just sit there, looking around the room. My entire time at that college, I had NEVER been free from 4-5 or 4:15-5:30. Ever. I had had choir almost every day that I had school.

And sure, it was nice to not be tied down to choir. But I missed it so fiercely. When they loaded up the bus to go to NYC, I was in shock almost that I wasn't going along. I was 13 weeks pregnant by that point, and deathly miserable with morning sickness... so I know that God has a plan, and looking back, I can clearly see that plan at work. But in the moment? I was just devastated.

I think that I have repressed all emotion surrounding that event. Surrounding that day I walked out of the music building, knowing I'd never go back. I know it sounds silly, but my identity was wrapped around being in choir. And when I was still at the college, and only sitting on the sidelines, I think it messed with me.

I realized today that I can't quit singing. Singing speaks to my soul. Whenever I'm down, there are songs that lift me up...regardless of the situation. I want to instill a love of music in my daughter... and I don't think it'll be all that difficult. But I want her to remember arias and showtunes... not because a famous opera singer sang them, or because she saw them on TV... but because she remembers her mommy singing them as she cooked dinner.

How can I keep from singing my song?

(This post is linked up to Serenity Now's Weekly Bloggy Read!

Accomplished!

2011-02-24T19:55:00.000-05:00

I actually have gotten quite a few things done the last two days. More than seems normal for me! Ha!

I got all my paperwork in to work at the school. I'm excited that this means more income, and I'm so depressed because I have to leave my girl. THANKFULLY we live beside my parents and Mamaw can watch her. I know she'll be in excellent hands!

I got my taxes filed! Dear Government... Please hold off on all "Stops" until they go through. Then you may continue as needed. Thank you.

Ordered new checks. My pretty checks of the past are no more... I ordered plain ugly blue ones. :(

Nothing REAL exciting. I've been reading a little more. We may make a trip to try on Kelty Baby Carriers for Carl tomorrow or Saturday. We'd planned on going to Carl's parents, but 2 out of 3 children there have the flu. So...

Pointless post. Just me saying I'm excited to have paperwork done!

Dealing with grief

2011-02-23T08:42:00.001-05:00

I've blogged numerous times before about my miscarriage. One of the key ways I dealt with grief was through blogging, and through connecting with other miscarriage survivor mommas. Some of which I'm friends with on facebook, some of which I still follow their blogs. I miscarried in December of 2008. As I've began traveling the roads of miscarriage blogs again, I feel my heart just weighted down.

It's so hard. It's so hard to read these blogs and not sob (and I usually end up sobbing) to know the pain their going through, and I'm going to offer them a blanket??? Am I crazy? Even two years later I feel the pain. The heart-wrenching, soul slicing, horrific pain that losing a pregnancy causes. And I feel so deeply for these women.

Maybe it's going to be good for me. I know I've not fully processed or mourned my loss. Maybe by mourning the losses of others, I'll mourn my own. Silly to think that after two years I haven't mourned enough, but its true. There's a girl who I used to go to church with who has a daughter born very close to my due-date. Whenever I see them out and about in town, my heart always hurts a little. Even though I have an almost 16 month old, I'm also supposed to have an 20 month old.

Before Christmas, I happened in on a Christian bookstore that was selling Willowtree at 50% off. After procuring my husband a Christmas present (as all our Willowtree was kind of Mom centered before that), I happened upon a little figurine I had never seen before. It was an angel holding the hands of a baby learning to walk. Tears immediately began flowing down my face. Keevia was just learning to walk at the time, and I knew I HAD to have that figurine. Right now it sits on our mantle, in between the figurine holding a lamb, and the 2 figurines holding an infant that I got for mothers day. The placement is perfect.

Grief isn't something that goes away, even for someone who "just had a miscarriage". If you have a friend or family member who has had a miscarriage in the past, please be sensitive. Even if they have living children, they still mourn the loss of their angel children, no matter how privately. Respect their pain, and be careful the words that you say.

Dealing with grief is forever.

My New Parenting Philosophy

2011-02-22T08:42:00.005-05:00

If anyone gets the "New Philosophy" reference, you automatically get 5,000 cool points.

I have a rather unique parenting style. Well, not really. I have a rather.... relaxed parenting style. Hence why I call my parenting philosophy "Relaxed Parenting". Catchy name, eh?

I do a lot of things that are considered "AP" (Attachment Parenting), but I can't get myself completely behind their discipline techniques (although I do implement a lot of them). I don't do CIO (Cry it out) for bedtime. I'm still (barely) breastfeeding at 16 months. I wear my baby whenever we're out and about, and a good bit at the house as well. I fully believe that an attached baby is going to be healthier and happier.

That being said? I've barely scanned my attachment parenting books. I don't know the theories and the reasonings behind why I do what I do. I do what I do because it works for me.

In fact, I've barely read any parenting books at all. Let me rephrase that, I haven't read any parenting books. I've checked Dr. Sears 'The Baby Book' occasionally to make sure my daughter is on track developmentally, but other than that? Yeah, no. Haven't read anything.

Does that make me a bad parent? Maybe. But if you meet my daughter, you would probably think differently. Other than being a little bashful at first, she is friendly, outgoing, well behaved, talkative, sharing, and genuinely a lot of fun to be around. Not that I'm the least bit prejudiced mind you.

I just go with the flow. If she's up until midnight one night? We try to get up a little earlier the next morning. If she's up til midnight two nights in a row? We change our bedtime routine. If she's up to midnight three nights in a row? We head to the chiropractor.

If she falls down? I pick her back up. I'm very much a "non-panic" momma. I distinctively remember, when she was JUST learning to walk, that she face-planted while we were at my in-laws. She started SCREAMING, but I could tell it was a mad scream, not a "I hurt something and now my world is ending" scream, so I just picked her up, snuggled her a second, and put her right back down going "You're okay!". My mother-in-law said something like "You're so relaxed! You didn't even panic!" and I responded with "Well, she face-plants all the time". She's right, I just don't panic.

Now, let me rephrase that. That doesn't mean that I don't EVER panic. But honestly? Looking back over the last almost sixteen months? I've really only panicked three times. First time was at 9 weeks when my daughter decided to roll off the bed. THANK GOD my mom is an RN. Second time was one of the many times she has choked on a piece of food, it wasn't really any worse than all the other times she has choked, but it scared me for some reason. Third time was when she had this whole bronchitis thing going on, and she was in her carseat crying, and threw up. I didn't even really panic when she got a stomach virus at Christmas, but I'm told that's because I didn't see her choke the first time she threw up.

My parenting mantra these days seems to be simple 'It's okay!'. Because it is. Spilled milk, strewn crunchies, poopy diapers, piled up toys, bruised knees, snotty noses... it's all part of being a kid, and all part of being a mom. Freaking out about it isn't going to help anything. I don't want my daughter to be high-strung. I want her to be go-with-the-flow. I gave her enough stress hormones during pregnancy, fearful of another miscarriage. I don't need to keep up the stressful environment.

So I still breastfeed, I still have her rear-facing, I wear my baby, I still co-sleep, I don't have a set bedtime, I don't have a set naptime, I cloth diaper and disposable diaper, I teach her signs, I teach her potty learning, I teach her to share.

And I don't read parenting books.

_______

I linked up to Serenity Now's Weekly Bloggy Read!

Body Image

2011-02-21T23:05:00.004-05:00

I have a horrible body image.

Well, no. That's not true. When there are no mirrors around, I feel GREAT in my body. My thighs bug me sometimes, but other than that... I have no issues with my body.

Then I see a mirror, and my whole world crumbles.

When we stay at my in-laws for visits, there is a mirror there that expresses how I feel on a daily basis. This mirror, which hangs above the bathroom sink, can give optical illusions. If you stand JUST RIGHT when turned to the side, it makes you look skinny. When I stand there, looking at myself in the mirror, I realize that how I look there is how I see myself. Then I take a step forward, or a step back, and realize how I really look to everyone else.

Blair said it best today, excuse me while I quote:
"On the flip side, I struggle with not becoming complacent in my body. I want to embrace my curves & accept the hips that could put J. Lo to shame, but I don’t want to use it as an excuse to the let the size in my jeans slowly crawl upwards. & so I struggle to find balance between positive body image but not settling."

That is me to a T. I don't want to be a size six, but I'd love to be a twelve. I don't want to look good in a bikini, but I'd love to be confident enough to wear a bathing suit.

I last weighed in at 246. And to be honest, I don't know what I weigh now. Last weekend we spent 10 hours in the car in 2 days. We ate fast food 2-3 times a day for two days. I tried to make healthier choices, but I failed a little. I had coke (when I had been SO GOOD).

Right now I'm making realistic choices. I don't buy coke or pop for the house. I don't buy it when I'm out. When Carl and I are out together, I'm okay with sharing a coke with him.

I'm still trying to up my water intake, and failing miserably. I KNOW I would feel better if I did.

I'm eating a biiiiiig salad for lunch everyday. I dress the salad with 1 tablespoon of extra virgin olive oil and lemon juice. I'm also starting to do a diabetic(I'm not diabetic but I am insulin resistant) with my mom on a daily basis.

The weather here has been much warmer, and I plan on enjoying it. Walks are in our future.

Small steps. I'm getting there.

Thank Heaven for Baby Carriers!

2011-02-17T18:55:00.002-05:00

I have a sick baby. Not like super bad, but she has a slight cold. She just generally doesn't feel good and has a runny nose.

We went to Wal-mart this afternoon (the biggun, not the littleun), and Keevia had only napped about 30 minutes the whole day, so I knew it had the possibility of being a disaster, so I threw my Beco in the cart. THANK HEAVENS. She stayed in the cart about 20 minutes, and then she was done. She wanted down, but she was so tired I knew she'd be flopping everywhere and might get hurt... so I asked her if she wanted to go on my back, and she said yes (P.S. If you do sign language and babywear, what sign do you teach for being worn?). So I threw her up on my back.

She never fussed again. We were probably in the store for oh, I don't know, another hour or two, and she just hung out on my back, snuggled against me. She never did go to sleep, but was just content snuggling with me.

Plus, in the check-out line, a lady in line behind me goes "Can I ask where you got that carrier?" I SERIOUSLY need to make up business cards with my preferred brands of carriers! I told her Beco and recommended Ergo as well.

A plus of this trip, she actually didn't do her flop backwards thing. So I'm hoping maybe she's growing out of that stage? I have a Boba carrier on the way to me (yaaaaaaay!) for the entire reason of it was supposed to be "taller" than the Boba or the Ergo. You can guarantee that I'll have a post up soon as a review, and then maybe a comparison between my Beco Butterfly 1, Ergo Original and then the Boba 2g!

But seriously. Thank HEAVEN for baby carriers. It could have been a disaster of a trip, but she just snuggled in without a fuss! Makes my life so much easier!

My PCOS journey

2011-02-16T22:40:00.000-05:00

I blogged a little bit a week or so ago about my PCOS effecting my weight. I thought I'd delve in a little deeper to how PCOS has affected my life, and what I'm doing about it.

I never had really regular periods. I would sometimes go months in between periods. I started being visited by good ole' Aunt Flo when I was around 12-13 years old. By 15, they still hadn't straightened themselves out, so we headed to a gyno. Not uncommon they said, and put me on the pill. Ugh. The pill. Never again. I think I went through about 5 brands and never DID find one that didn't make me A) a horrible, horrible dirty word of a person. B) Have migraines so bad ON THE SAME DAY of my cycle that I couldn't go to school or even move very far out of the bed. or C) Screw up my hormones so badly that I was a basket case. Ultimately I stopped all of them because of the migraines.

Around that same time, I began getting cysts that would "explode". I had confirmed "multiple bilateral cysts" by ultrasound. I had several pelvic ultrasounds by the time I was in college! No luck. The Pill didn't help the cysts very much (not that I could tell, the migraines were too bad) and I was beginning to get miserable.

So. I took it in my own hands. I started watching what I ate more carefully. I desperately wanted to be a mom someday, so I fought for my body. I fought for my ovaries. I watched the carbs. I watched the glycemic index foods. I stayed far, far away from anything that had high fructose corn syrup in it (a contributing factor to PCOS in my humble opinion). I began using an all natural progesterone cream. And I got healthy. My periods evened out.

But I was still having cyst pain. I went in to a new OB/GYN on the suggestion of my family doctor (can I just pause to say how freaking HAPPY I am now that my family doctor got me into this office? One of the best in our area, and because I was an existing patient, I was able to go there when I did get pregnant. Otherwise I wouldn't have been able to. SO HAPPY.). I LOVED this woman! She LISTENED to me. After we had tried a few things, she said "Well, what would you like to do?" and I suggested Metformin (glucophage) (which is a diabetes drug). She agreed we'd try it.

Magic. No pain! No cysts!

I'd say I stayed on it for about 6 months to a year? It was great. PCOS is caused by insulin resistancy and the glucophage makes your body recognize and use the insulin it already makes more efficiently.

When I got married, I went off the medicine, because it could have side-effects if I became pregnant. And I did (a few months later). And I miscarried. I became pregnant again two cycles later. It wasn't hard for me, but I hadn't had symptoms in months.

Now I'm 16 months post partum. I didn't start periods back until my daughter was 9 months old, but I was breastfeeding constantly. I'm still breastfeeding now, but we're down to about twice a day. And my periods are all over the place. I've only had about 4 in the past 7 months. The last cycle was 54 days long. And I KNOW I had a cyst. I felt it "form" on January 4th and I felt it burst on February 2nd. I started my period on February 7th.

So that's where I am. My symptoms are back. I cannot seem to lose weight (although it would help if I exercised, I'm sure). I'm at my heaviest ever. I'm trying to eat low-glycemic. I'm going on the cream again, and looking into D-Chiro-Inositol.

I'm currently taking 10,000 mgs of Vitamin D, 400 mg of Magnesium, a whole food Prenatal vitamin, 1000 mg of Fish Oil and 500mg of Green Tea extract. I plan on adding that D-Chiro-Inositol and Chromium to the mix soon. I do not plan on going on any medications to ovulate... we don't have the money, and I would rather do it as naturally as possible. I'm also not looking to get pregnant until I get this somewhat under control. I don't want to risk another miscarriage if at all possible.

So. That's where I am right now. I did it once, I can do it again.

Miscarriage/Infant Loss Ministry & Ministry in General

2011-02-15T21:21:00.001-05:00

This past Sunday, I finally made it back to church. Due to various reasons, I hadn't been in a few weeks. I'm so glad I went, because the message was seriously just for me. Our pastor told us a story about how God was pushing him to not say 'I wish I could do soandso but I just don't have time'. He told us a story about how he had ministered to a family for hours, even though he just wanted to go home. He went over and over about how we always say we don't have time, and that that's not fair to God.

And it got me thinking. Which is never a good thing! I decided to open my heart up and see where God lead me.

Immediately I thought of my in-laws. When we stayed overnight at their house this weekend, their laundry was piled up something fierce. I wanted to do something about it that day, but my toddler was up until close to two am, and we wanted to get back to the hospital the next day.

But that laundry just stayed in my mind. So today, my mom, Keevia and I made the almost 2 hour trek (one way!) over to my inlaws house. I did 7 loads of laundry today. I knew that when they got home, the last thing my mother-in-law would want to do was laundry. She keeps my three nephews most days while my sister-in-law works and goes to school, so she has a LOT of laundry. Plus, they've been at the hospital for five days, so they'd have five days of dirty laundry.

I'm exhausted. But I am so happy I went. I left a bed full of folded clean clothes, and an empty laundry room and empty bathroom. All she'll have to worry about is the laundry they had from the hospital.

While I was in the shower the other day, I decided that I need to just take a leap. Since my miscarriage in November of 2008, I have had it on my heart to start a miscarriage/infant loss ministry.

When I found out I was pregnant, a family member began crocheting me a blanket. When I lost the baby, she stopped. But she bound it off and gave it to me. That unfinished blanket, that symbolizes the unfinished life... it just means so much to me. I want to pass that along to other families.

So, Rows For Remembrance is born.

The goal of this ministry is simple. If you have had a miscarriage, or suddenly lost a baby to stillbirth, or some disorder or something like that... then we will provide you a hand crocheted or hand knitted blanket, made specifically for your child.

Each blanket will be customized for you. If you knew the sex of the child you lost, you can specify for either girl or boy. If you didn't know the sex, but celebrated your child as a girl or a boy, you can specify that. However old your baby was weeks wise will be remembered in the blanket.

Each blanket will have 20 rows standard, then an additional row will be added for each week you knew and loved your baby. If you were 8 weeks (like I was) when you miscarried, then your blanket will be 28 rows. If you were 35 weeks when your baby was born sleeping, then your blanket will be 55 rows.

I'm starting a blog specifically for this purpose, so keep an eye out for that. But, if you would like to help produce these blankets, or if you would like to donate yarn (I'm not going to ask for money!), please feel free to contact me. If you would like to be a recipient of a blanket, you can contact me now, but the organizational period may take a little bit.

If you can't help by knitting, crocheting, or providing yarn... could you please pray for this ministry? I'm a miscarriage survivor. I know how hard it is to go through it. I want to minister to these families, to give them something to remember their sweet ones with. Eventually I'd love to branch out to SIDS or other baby/child losses.... but for now, we're sticking with Miscarriage and Infant loss.

Thank you!

EDIT:

Check out the Rows For Remembrance Blog! I just got it up today.

Happy Valentines Day Sweetheart!

2011-02-14T23:34:00.000-05:00

I have always been a creative writer. I found a story not too long ago that I wrote in like the third grade. It had to do with rats and outer-space. It was ROCKSTAR let me tell you. I wrote all through high school as well, always having ideas running around in my head. If you knew me in college, and had classes me with, you probably saw my dutifully taking notes, right? Yeah, I was probably working on a story, or an idea for a story. I have almost zero notes to show for my 4 years of college.

But I don't write poetry. I suck at it. Like, really, really bad.

But I wrote poetry in high-school. Not a lot, but probably around 15 poems. Mainly centered around the boy-who-stole-my-first-kiss (who shall remain nameless!) and Carl, and all the angst and teenage lovesickness that follows any high-school love interest.

I had Carl dig out some boxes of books from the shed last week, so I could try and do the Buyback thing on Amazon. In doing so, I uncovered some journals, and one of those journals had all of my high-school poetry in it. Including the poem I wrote to Carl that got our entire relationship started. I'd like to share that with you today, and have it saved a bit more permanently.

BACKSTORY:
When we were in high school, Carl and I were both members of the worship band. We'd went to freshman prom together as friends. In December, at my best friends sleepover, I was sitting on the couch. Carl's sister was sitting at my feet. I don't remember what we were doing, but I do remember her looking up at me all of a sudden, and going "You know my brother is in love with you, right?"

No. I didn't. I had no idea (I think I've been oblivious like that for years!). We went to prom together as friends. We hung out a lot. But I had no EARTHLY idea he liked me.

Fast forward to Valentines Day. I went with said best friend to the Valentines Day Dance at her school. I danced with a couple of people, and had a good time. Suddenly, "All My Life" came on. I looked across the cafeteria, and there was Carl, pantomiming that he was dancing with someone. Without thinking, I ran across the cafeteria and slid into his arms.

A few dances later, he saved me from dancing with someone I REALLY didn't want to by saying I was 'his girl' and then leading me out on the floor again. Suddenly, I was feeling things I had never felt for him.

I remember sitting on the steps, leading out of the school, waiting for my mom (or his mom, I don't remember) to come get one of us. It was just me, Carl, and Julie, and we just sat there and talked. Suddenly, all these feelings I didn't know I had, came bubbling to the surface.

I'm very shy when it comes to boys, so of course I couldn't come out and say I liked him. So I wrote this poem, and I laid it on his drums before praise-band rehearsal. I didn't sign it. After the rehearsal, we talked on MSN messenger (OLD SCHOOL) and he asked if I knew who had written it. He thought another girl (who was in praiseband) had written it, but I fessed up. He asked me out, and I said I'd have to "think on it" and I'd give him my answer the next day. The next day I said yes. We started dating on March 22nd, 2003.

Survival
Silence in the night,
Tenderness unheard of,
A whisper in the dark,
My words are never heard.

A scream inside my head,
Will never be sounded,
I cover it up with the feelings I don't posses.

Whisper in my ear,
Tell me how I feel,
My eyes burn with tears left uncried,
I can't understand what I'm feeling inside.

I want to push it all away,
I don't want to hurt you,
I want you to understand,
I love you a little, but not quite enough.

I fear of breaking your heart -- not mine,
For mine has been broken before.
I'm afraid of swerving, when you'll stay so true.
I'm so very afraid of hurting you.

I don't know what I'm going to do,
I know I'll try to get over you.
I know you wish for something more,
But maybe someday you'll really know.

I care about you more than I understand,
And I don't know how to express it.
I want to just be your friend,
But I don't know how long I can take it.

Romantic, huh?

Happy Valentines Hubby. I love you more than life itself. Thank you for being there for me every single day. Thank you for vacuuming, and giving K a bath. Thank you for being THE most patient and understanding husband in the world. I love you.

A Whole Blog About Nothing

2011-02-13T23:35:00.000-05:00

It has been a crazy weekend. Like, mondo crazy. My mind is blown by how tired I am, but I wanted to beseech all my readers (49 official followers! WOW!) to please be in prayer over the situation.

On Thursday, I received a scary phone call from my sister-in-law. My father-in-law was headed to a hospital in Kingsport, TN after having some tests done. He has pulmonary embolisms (blood clots in his lungs) and needed to receive medication and have further tests done. He's having his biggest (and scariest) test done tomorrow. Due to the families wishes, I won't go into details, but I would love it if you would all pray many, many prayers over him. And, at 9 in the morning, if you think about it, I'd love for you to pray for him then! That's when the test is scheduled to take place.

It was around 1 or 2 in the afternoon when we received the phone call that he was heading to the hospital. My husband left work (with permission) and came on home. We were unsure about if we'd be traveling to Kingsport (a 3 hour trip) that evening or the next day... or what really. I ran to town, dropped off some books with Amazon's Buy Back program, and attempted to get my TB test for my school physical read. Then I came home and packed. After talking with the in-laws, we played the "wait-and-see" approach. I ended up cooking around 4-5 pm, and while doing so, ended up giving myself and Carl 2nd degree burns on our faces. I was frying a steak in olive oil and butter (too much butter...) and I accidentally DROPPED the steak in, causing the BURNING HOT OIL to splatter both me and Carl. He has one burn RIGHT in the corner of his eye. I have one on my nose, one in between my eye brows, and one over top of my right eyebrow. I can't look any worse than I did in July though, when I had poison oak, so I don't sweat it.

We finally headed out around noon on Friday. Later than I would have liked to have left, but we were trying to see what the doctors said. We got to the hospital around 3:30 (after a few mis-directions... but we made it just fine!), and spent some time with Nudder'Papaw. We tried to keep Keevia up off the floor as much as possible to limit her germ exposure, but she had fun climbing all over Mamaw and Papaw, and being doted on as the only available grandchild (she normally vies for their attention against her three first cousins). We went out to eat with my mother-in-law that evening around 6-7 (I don't remember) so she could show us how to get to the street with the eats (since we didn't come in the right way, lol). We had Pratt's Barbeque, which was pretty decent! Once we dropped her back off at the hospital at 9, we trekked 2 hours back to Carl's grandparents house. I got to cross Black Mountain (the highest mountain in Kentucky!) at 11 pm at night!

It became quickly apparent, during that night-time trip, that a portable DVD player must be acquired soon. Keevia does FINE in the car during the day. She naps well, she coos and talks to us (she's still rear-facing). She "reads" her books. She does fine. But when the darkness falls across the land... yeah, not so much. She does NOT want to go to sleep usually (no matter her level of tiredness). If she does go to sleep, she doesn't stay asleep. And if she's awake, she's screaming bloody murder. Even if someone sits in the back with her... UNLESS you have the iPod touch with Wiggles podcasts. Then she's fine. But those podcasts are only about 4 minutes long. And I can only watch the same one 50 times before I'm begging for another option. So, with some of that Amazon Buyback credit, I have a feeling Keevs is going to get a DVD player.

We stayed the night at the inlaws (finishing season six of Greys Anatomy on Netflix that we started LAST weekend there...), and then got up and went back to the hospital. We stayed an hour or so, and then, in an effort to distract her, I got my mother-in-law out of the hospital and went shopping at TJ Maxx and K-mart. I got a pair of dress pants at TJ Maxx for $5. I could not be happier. I desperately needed them for when I start subbing. I seriously have no clothes that fit right now, and as I plan on not being this size much longer, I don't want to buy an extensive wardrobe to fit my size *gulp* 18/20 frame. But I can fit $5 in my budget. I also scored a pair of $5 pants at K-Mart! But these are lounge pants, not dress ones.

Nudder'Mamaw also got Keevia the CUTEST TUTU IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. It's a size 6, so it should fit for a while. I put her in it in the store to just see what it looked like, and she was ADORABLE toddling around in it.

Keevs fell asleep on the ride back to the hospital, so I called Carl down to the van, and we started home around 6pm. We ate at Zaxby's (yuuuuuuum) before heading out, and I was stupid and didn't get a coffee at Starbucks. I regretted that the eeeeeentire way to Norton when Carl had me take over driving just out of the Kingsport city limits!

We went for very, very depressing reasons, but Carl and I still had an enjoyable weekend. We love spending time with our family, I just wish it hadn't been in a hospital room. We discovered "Pal's" restaurant, and drank way too many Route 44's.

We stopped at the Wise/Norton Wal-mart on our way back home, and changed Keevia's poopy diaper. I went ahead and put her in PJ's on the (very) off chance that she'd fall asleep and stay asleep. I changed her in the family restroom, and somehow, I left her totally adorable pink penguin Robeez there. I called this morning, but no luck. Y'all, I cannot begin to describe how upset I am over this. I have NO idea how I did it. It literally makes my heart hurt, because I planned on daughter #2 wearing them as well. I love Robeez.

This is a big post of nothing, I know. Please be in prayer for my father-in-law, and for our entire family. Pray for peace through whatever the test holds tomorrow. Pray for guidance, and pray for wisdom for all of us. But mainly, pray that the test comes back clean, and that the blood clots dissolve quickly and safely!

D-I-V-O-R-C-E

2011-02-11T17:20:00.000-05:00

This may be a controversial post. Maybe not. Who knows?

I don't believe in divorce. Not shocking by the fact that I proclaim to be a Christian. But I don't. Now, let me pause and say that I don't believe in divorce in most instances.

If someone is in an abusive relationship, or has been cheated on repeatedly and the other person will not change... then I believe in divorce. I don't think God made us to be miserable, and people DO change. Usually there is some life-altering event that causes them to do so, but they do change. And I think God generally wants us to be happy, and if we're in a miserable marriage, we aren't going to be happy.

Carl and I entered into this marriage with one key point in mind: Divorce is not an option. It's something we discussed heavily before marriage, and it's kind of a mantra we have. The best thing? I know that if we have some sort of fight (which really? We haven't yet) that if we need to walk away and cool off for a few minutes, I don't have to have that fear that he's walking away forever. Divorce isn't an option.

I think that a lot of the reason that divorce rates are so high in this country (and ESPECIALLY in Christian colleges) is that the people in the marriage don't get to know one another well enough. We all put on masks and facades, and when we do that, we never show our true selves to our significant others. It's depressing really. I was guilty of the same thing with Carl. The only difference was that usually when we broke up, we went back to being best friends. And the masks came off when we were friends.

A lot of Christian college people rush into marriage so that they can attend to their, uh, more carnal pleasures, without feeling guilty. And that's not right either. Yes, God blesses sex in marriage... but it doesn't mean you should get married so that those little joyrides you're taking won't make you feel so bad.

It just irks me that people take marriage so lightly anymore. Like it's a temporary relationship, always looking to the next person.

I have lots of friends who are divorced, and honestly? I don't judge them. I don't judge them because I wasn't in their marriage. I don't know what went on behind the closed doors. I don't want to offend any of my friends who read this. I really, really don't.

I think that people just don't think marriage through a lot of time, and I believe more people need to enter in with a "Divorce is not an option" attitude, and less of a "Where's husband #2?"

So I have this friend...

2011-02-10T10:07:00.002-05:00

who makes underwear.

Who would have thought I was going THERE with that post?

My best friend, Jewels, (and maid of honor!) is seriously the most ambitious person I know. I mean, what else do you call it when she single-handedly sold over 10,000 boxes of Girl Scout cookies? Or when she was DETERMINED to go to an Ivy League college from our little podunk town? She has triumphed over Organic Chemistry, and used it (and her entrepreneurship skills) to co-create her own company.

Lets go back to how we met.

To be honest, I'm not real sure of our first official meeting. I think we were 5 or 6 years old, and it was probably when I joined the Brownies group that her mother was the leader of. I remember a play-date not too much later where she and I played in the yard while her Mom sat on my grandparents porch and carefully observed the girl who was playing with her daughter. Now, as a mom, I totally respect her mother for doing this!

I don't know when we became best friends either, but 99.9% of my childhood memories encompass her. We were in Girl Scouts together, in the same Home School support group, did gymnastics together, and went to the same church/in the same youth group. We were literally inseparable.

Like most girls, we had our ups and our downs. Especially when it came to boys. We had big, huge fights, and then would make up not to long afterward. I can really only remember what one fight was about now, and I remember how we cried together when it was resolved.

When we entered into high school, she decided to take the plunge and entered into public school, while I stayed being home schooled. It never phased her though, and she continued to invite me to anything she did. It was at one of her sleepovers that my (now) sister-in-law basically whacked me upside the head and went "HEY STUPID! My brother is in love with you!" Her house still feels like a second home to me, even though I haven't spent much time in it these last few years.

She took on all the "big" classes in high school, fighting hard for her grades. She was the co-valedictorian of our class, and went on to attend Brown University. Although I've never really forgiven her for moving so very, very far away... I could not be prouder of her. I have been promising her a visit for oh, 6 years now? And I promise to some day make that visit come true!

Her senior year of college, she took an entrepreneurship class. She and some other lovely people came up the idea of period underwear. She's always been rather concerned with cute undies, as I can attest because we went shopping together 3,534 times. So it makes sense that this would be her niche! After the class, she and her friend Eunice began looking into the idea more heavily, and low and behold, Eulie was formed.

This past week they launched the internet pre-sale of their ADORABLE panties. Now, I haven't tried them yet, but I know that if Jewels endorses them, that they have to be fabulous. To be honest, for me, a stay-at-home mom on a VERY fixed budget, they're a little high price-wise. But, you have to remember that they are BOUTIQUE undies! And the purpose of them is really spot-on (haha). They have 3 layers of wicking/absorbent material that is also stain resistant. Then they have a final layer that acts as a leak-resistant layer, keeping all of the, ahem, accidents from showing up on your white jeans (really, who would wear such a thing?).

I think that they are adorable. And I really, really could not be prouder of her for all of this! I'm anxiously awaiting a phone call so we can catch up in the upcoming days!

There are still 157 pairs of "Preview Sale" undies available, so be sure to check them out!

P.S. If you watch the video, that's my girl right there!

DIY Goodness - Natural Cleaning Products!

2011-02-10T00:06:00.001-05:00

So, I really should be working on my freelance stuff right now. But I'm not. I wanted to post today, and seeing as I have 34 minutes to accomplish that...

I've been on numerous message boards recently that have had natural cleaning products questions. I use a lot of "natural" stuff around the house. I am not, in any way shape or form, "green". In fact, I don't believe in climate change but that is a WHOLE nother post. I do these DIY cleaners because I have severe chemical allergies. I literally cannot walk down the cleaning aisle at Wal-mart without getting short of breath, my eyes watering, and I start coughing uncontrollably. It also is usually followed by me starting to itch, which, if you know me in real life you know the rash isn't pretty!

Anyway. I make a lot of my home cleaning products because of this. This post is a list of sorts, of my favorite cleaners and my favorite tips and tricks!

DIY Laundry Detergent.

There is both a liquid and a powder version of this. The powder is simpler, so we'll do it first

Powder:
Washing Soda - You want SODIUM CARBONATE not sodium BICARBONATE. Look at me! Being all chemistry and stuff... (Note: I currently use baking soda. It does a great job. I plan on TRYING the washing soda, but I've heard it can cause scalding in sensitive skin. I have numerous friends who use it without problems!)
20 Mule Team Borax - Easily found at your grocery store or Wal-mart, look in the laundry
Oxiclean FREE powder

I just take equal parts of all three (depending on the size of my container) and shake them all together. I then use 1-2 big serving spoons (probably a 1/4 of a cup) in my laundry. It is not a high suds-ing soap, so don't freak out. It cleans my dear husbands stinky socks and sweaty shirts, and ladies and gentlemen, my husband WORKS all day. He usually comes home with sweat stains on the back of his shirts from his labors of the day. If it cleans his stuff, it'll clean anyones.

LIQUID:
Ivory Soap or Castille Soap - Ivory shaves easier. Castille is even "more natural" to me. I bought my Castille at Cracker Barrel of all places.
Washing Soda
Borax

For this recipe, you're going to need a funnel, a grater of some kind, a kettle, and 2 clean gallon jugs.

Grate 1 bar of soap into the kettle. Put enough water to ALMOST cover the soap into the kettle, and then melt the soap on low. This can take 20 minutes sometimes. While that's melting, using your funnel, add 1/2 cup of washing soda and borax to each (clean) gallon jug. Once the soap mixture is melted, half it between the two jugs. Fill to the top with HOT tap water. Viola! You're done! It will separate some, but all you have to do is shake it before using. I use about a 1/4-1/2 cup per load (I don't really measure...)

My friend Tammy also has an awesome recipe on her blog. I haven't tried it yet, but once I run out of stuff, I plan on it! Check it out!

Other cleaning methods:

Here is my main advice. Buy lots of lemons, and lots of pure distilled vinegar. These two things are your BEST FRIENDS when it comes to cleaning.

The smell of vinegar doesn't bother me, and it disappears once it dries. If it does bother you, invest in some all natural essential oil drops and add them to the mix. Or add some lemon juice/zest.

All Purpose Cleaner:
1/2 cup pure distilled vinegar
3 cups tap or distilled water

It's that easy folks. Feel free to add lemon juice or essential oils. Just keep it in a sprayer and use on EVERYTHING. I clean my counters with it, my bathrooms, my windows, my sinks... pretty much everything. Vinegar kills mold. Trust me. I cleaned my back door with it (which was DISGUSTING) and it did a FABULOUS job.

Straight lemon juice works GREAT on a glass top stove. Just squeeze it on and let it sit for up to 30 minutes, then spray it down with water or the vinegar mixture, and it wipes right up!

Use newspapers when cleaning your windows (with the vinegar solution) for a really streak free shine!

Use banana peels to clean your leather with. Don't laugh, it works!

Microwave 1/3 cup of vinegar and 2/3 cup of water until a full roiling boil takes place. Let sit in the microwave for 5 minutes. Open the door, remove the hot liquid, then wipe down the microwave walls. It gets all that stuck on food OFF!

Mix up cornstarch and water to make a paste. Using a sponge (like the ones with the rough side?) scrub it onto your glass shower doors. Just scrub like crazy, and it gets ALMOST all the soap residue off! (This would probably work much better if you did it more often than me....)

There's a great looking home-made deodorant recipe here that I'm dying to try. As soon as I use up one of my deodorant thingies.

I also have, on various occasions, went "poo-less" or have not used shampoo. The longest I went was about 4 months. Don't freak out! My hair was the healthiest it has EVER been. I simply took about 2 tablespoons of baking soda into the shower with me, dampened it, and then massaged it into the roots of my hair. Once I had massaged my whole scalp, I took a comb and combed it through my hair. Then, I rinsed. Once it was all rinsed out, I took a tall glass, filled it with a couple of tablespoons of apple cider vinegar, and then filled it the rest of the way with water. I stuck my ponytail (or the main length of my hair) down in that, and let it soak a minute or two. Then I would pour it over my head (careful not to get it in my eyes) and wash my body, then right before I would get out, I would rinse my hair. When you could no longer smell the vinegar smell, you knew you were good. My hair has never, ever been so soft. The only reason I stopped doing it was that it WAS time consuming. And I was lucky to get a shower some days (still am). It became easier to just use shampoo (and at that time my hair was LONG for me). I also found the Tresemme Naturals line, which I loved.

These are just the ones I use the most. Salt and Baking Soda work great when you need to scrub something (baking soda works great for tile!).

With a 15 month old, I really want my house to be as clean and sanitary as possible, but I don't want to freak out about chemicals, and I'm honestly trying to limit her chemical exposure.

All of these tips and tricks have saved me some serious cash. The only real cleaning product I purchase is Dawn dish soap (and I do use Purex laundry soap some too!). If anyone has a rock star recipe for making their own dish soap, lemme know... because I haven't been real happy with the ones I've tried!

If you have any questions, shoot me an email or leave me a comment!

Keevia at 15 Months

2011-02-08T10:35:00.000-05:00

This post is a little late, but I wanted to make it to her 15 month appointment first!

At Fifteen Months :

- You are 23 lbs and 32 inches! Your head is 54 cms, which, per usual, is off the growth charts!
- You went from 25th% in weight to 50th% and from 50th% in height to 90th%! In just 3 months! You now have the head of a normal 4 year old. See why we're still rear-facing?
- You can now RUN where-ever you want! You're so hilarious! You have this little arm swing you do!
- You can do the motions to "Itsy-Bitsy Spider", "Pat-A-Cake", "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes", "Rock-A-Bye Your Bear" and... some other wiggles song I can't think of.
- You ADORE the Wiggles (and the youtube video Giggle with the Goats!)
- You've discovered what a computer is and you want to watch videos on it whenever anyone has one out!
- You LOVE to eat! There really isn't anything that you don't like!
- You've finally discovered books! You won't let us read you a full one yet, but you'll "read" to us. ADORABLE.
- You jabber constantly. I'm beginning to make out not just words, but sentences. Last night I said "Um, Keevia? That thermometer really doesn't go in the wall" and I heard you say, clear as day "I want it to blahblablhalblah" CRAZY that you're talking!
- You finally learned to sit up on your own! This took a while, that big head weighed you down!
- You can pull up on anything. Doorjam, chair, stack of books, etc. But, you cannot get yourself to standing in the middle of the floor. Your head is just too heavy!
- You love to snuggle! When you aren't on the run, you snuggle up with Mommy and talk to me.
- You adore pulling up your Mamaw's shirt and "tickling" her belly to watch her squeal!
- You "love" your baby when asked too. Giving it a hug and going "Ahhhhh"
- You give splendiforus kisses and hugs!
- If Mommy is hugging anyone, you will run up and hug the back of my legs!
- You can sign: bird, dog, cat, more, nurse, hungry, bath and you've made up your own sign for wiggles!
- Your vocabulary is kind of small right now, but I think you're close to talking!
- You LOVE to get in Mamaw's cabinets and see what treasures you can find!
- You despise having your diaper changed. You also aren't a big fan of finger nail clippings or toe nails... I keep trying to tell you it's a manicure, but you just don't believe me.
- You love to "cook" with Mommy or Mamaw. You get a pot and spoon and stir away!
- You ADORE your sippy cup. You drink about 5-6 6oz sippies of milk a day, and 1-2 of juice.
- You're such a ham! You make the funniest faces!
- You can locate and point to: Your belly, ears, nose, mouth, teeth, toes, and head!
- You are very, how shall we say, opinionated in matters. You enjoy letting us know those opinions as well!
- You now have 6 teeth!!!! Three on the bottom and three on the top (and they're on matching sides!). What can I say? You're original!
- You are now in 18 & 24 month shirts and 18 month pants (and still some 12 month pants). You wear size 3 shoes, and 6-12 month socks. You hate jackets, but tolerate pull overs okay. You wear 18 months or 24 month sleepers. Where has my tiny baby gone???
- You still wear size 3 diapers (and medium cloth diapers), but I think when we go to Lexington to get diapers the next time, I'll be buying size 4's!
- You had your first ear infection the week after Christmas, and also had bronchitis.
- You sleep through the night almost every night. If you don't, you usually have a belly ache. You sleep in your crib really well, but after your little sicky episode, you've spent the majority of nights in bed with me. If your Daddy quarantines himself off into the guest room (like he is now with a 101.6 fever) I usually just keep you in my bed so we'll get more/better sleep. I adore waking up to your sweet face!
- You're still nursing, although definitely not as strong as you were! You nurse about 2-3 times a day now, and sometimes more or less. I know you're weaning slowly, and it's breaking my heart!

Keevia,
You have the best personality. Seeing how giving you are with others at such a young age just melts my heart. And the fact that you are so affectionate, even to people you don't know very well. You always have a smile, and a finger wave for everyone. You light up my world little girl. I love waking up with you in the mornings. I love watching you get so excited about food, or about a doll, or a balloon. I love the way your whole face lights up. I love when you throw your hands to your mouth in a "uh-oh" gesture. I love every stinking thing about you and I can't believe you've been with us for 15 months... yet, I can't imagine not having you. What did I do with my days? With my time?

I cannot wait to continue to watch you change and grow. Girl, you ARE amazing. You're smarter than me already, and I adore watching your mind work. You challenge me every day: My patience, my heart, my mind. And I love you more for it.

I can't wait for you to grow up, and play tea parties, and dress up, and school. Yet I love the simply joy that a bowl and a spoon brings you right now. Stay little my baby girl.

Mommy loves you.

The Dilemma of the SAHM

2011-02-07T12:55:00.000-05:00

I've found something out about our culture that really bothers me.

Whenever I go places with my husband, and see people we haven't seen in a while, I get asked the same question.

"Are you working anywhere?"

Right now I answer:

"I'm freelancing right now, but I'm about to start subbing at a local school."

The response? EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

"OH!!! That's wonderful! I'm glad you're finally starting to work!"

I don't want to work. I don't want to leave my 15 month old at home with my Mom. I don't have ambitions beyond raising my children and keeping my house. Does this make me a bad person? No! I don't belittle the mothers who DO have ambitions. I don't hate on the moms that DO work full time or part time... this is NOT a "I'm superior because I stay at home with my kids" post.

I just think that it is so sad that our society thinks that a mom HAS to work. For the Moms that want to? Great! But for those of us who WANT to stay home. Who realize what a full time job it is. Who want to home-school our kids. Who HAD children so we could cram in as much time with them as possible? It's demeaning. It makes us feel like we aren't worth anything to society when A) We aren't working or B) We don't WANT to work.

It's not that I want to sit on my rear-end all day and watch soap operas. On the contrary. I want to write. I want to craft with my daughter. I want to be able to take her to the lake and show her the ducks on a Tuesday. I want to be able to take off with my Mom to Lexington whenever I want. I want to be able to have dinner on the table as an act of love and not an act of responsibility when my husband gets home work from. I want to be able to cuddle a sick baby all day. I want to be home.

Yet society dictates that I need to work. It dictates that I'm not being fruitful unless I hold down a job of some sort. And that irks me. It bothers me. Frankly, it pisses me off.

Financially, I DO need to work right now. And I'm okay with it. Not happy about it, but okay with it. I'll manage. But I'd rather stay home, and I would love that, in the future, if I were to answer the question with:

"No, I'm not planning on working anywhere right now. I'm just staying home with the kids"

That I would still get the same enthusiastic response.

Fear of failure or success?

2011-02-07T12:17:00.000-05:00

Blair, from Heir to Blair, raised some excellent points in her McFatty Monday post today. It wasn't the traditional post, which I like. I love how she changes it up, and forces us all to really THINK about stuff.

I honestly don't know if I've lost anything or not. I don't believe that I have. Nothing is fitting better. I didn't do horrible this week, but again, I didn't do great. I went pop-free for numerous days, but caved on the weekend.

I'm currently working portion sizes. I have a bunch of those kids plates (You know? The ones with different characters on them?) and that's what I am eating my dinner off of every night. It's a smaller plate, so it forces me to eat smaller portion sizes. My goal is to eat a small plate of dinner every night, a bowl of cereal or oatmeal every morning, and veggies & dip or veggies & hummus (plus a small sandwhich or something of the like if I'm VERY hungry). Fruit or yogurt for an afternoon snack. Milk, juice and water for drinks. I'm not denying myself something if I crave it, I'm just modifying what I eat. Like... if I want a chocolate cupcake or something, I eat a piece of Dove dark chocolate. If I still want a cupcake? I wait a while and have another piece. I'm getting my chocolate fix in a 'better' way. If I want potato chips? I either get out about 5-10 chips or I fix some popcorn and use extra salt on it. It works fairly well.

I'm trying not to make excuses for myself, because I feel like that is how I got to the weight I am. Ignoring the situation and making excuses for myself. However, this was a hard week for me, and I'm wondering if my situation may have to do with me feeling so bloated STILL.

I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) and have had it since I was oh, about 15. I have painful cysts with it that "burst" and cause, well, quite a bit of pain. It also throws my cycles into disarray. I haven't dealt with cysts in about three years, and I honestly didn't remember how my body processed them. On January 4th, I thought I might be getting a cyst... and I was right. I hadn't had a period since Dec. 12th. This past Wednesday I felt my cyst "explode". I've been in pain, running a low grade fever, and feeling like a balloon since that point. I had the most hormonal, emotional weekend I have had in...well, since I was pregnant with Keevia. I literally could not deal with my emotions. I had zero patience (even with my daughter). I cried over EVERYTHING and nothing at the same time. I was pissed off for no reason whatsoever. I was just miserable, with nothing MAKING me miserable. It. Was. Awful.

But!!!! I started my period today!!! Maybe my hormones will even out!!! I know that having PCOS makes it harder for me to lose weight, but I don't want to hang out on that assumption. I don't want to go "Oh, I have PCOS, I can't lose weight" and never fight. I want to FIGHT IT.

I'm afraid too... and I don't know what I'm afraid of. Afraid of change? For whatever reason, exercising is the most difficult part of weightloss for me. I struggle with willpower too, but exercise is really my Achilles hill. I sit around and THINK about it a lot, but I never actually DO it. I know I'm afraid of hurting myself. Not the aching muscles and the like, but of pulling something, or knocking a hip or my back out (don't laugh, it's happened), and not being able to take care of Keevia. I'm afraid of hurting my ankle that I cracked back in July. I'm afraid of a lot of things.

But mostly I'm afraid of staying this way. I'm afraid of looking at pictures of myself for the next whoknowshowlong and HATING myself in the pictures. Hating my double chin. Hating my arms. I have a gorgeous daughter. I want to be in pictures with her and not hate how I look.

I'm afraid of passing my bad eating habits on to my daughter. I'm afraid of passing my lazy habits on to her to. Unless she gets her Aunt Steph's metabolism, she is going to struggle with weight, and I hate that for her. But maybe if I instill this stuff early, it'll stick.

Although I'm afraid for myself, I'm more afraid for her... and I think that that is going to win out.

Woo!

2011-02-04T20:46:00.001-05:00

This has been a rough week. Trying to freelance with a 15 month old is not recommended.

We're chilling out at the Nudder Mamaw's tonight, and possibly going to Keevia's Great-Great Grandma's birthday party tomorrow (how many people can say THAT?).

I have some awesome posts coming up for you, you know, once I have a chance to breathe.

- Recession Proof Your Pantry
- D-I-V-O-R-C-E
- The Dilemma of the SAHM
- "Relaxed" Parenting

That's just a preview!

Apparently, I could be a good criminal.

2011-02-01T14:00:00.000-05:00

I'm in the process of becoming a Substitute teacher at the school I graduated from. I was home-schooled from birth until I was a Junior in high school. In order to be able to take free college classes, and to make getting into college a little easier (diploma vs. a home made diploma), I decided to go to a small local school for the last two years. We'll touch more on that experience later. :)

In order to become a sub, I have to undergo an FBI back ground check. You know, because it's not like I haven't lived in the same town for 23 years (minus college). It's not like everyone doesn't know me, my mom, or my grandfather. But whatever, I understand it's the rules.

So I paid the hefty little fee, and went down to the police office to get my fingers printed. After some kind bad twisty finger pain (it sucks to be tall. Very much sucks), I took the prints back to the school office and went on my merry way.

I get a phone call a few days later saying I need to be re-printed. Okay. No problem.

On Friday Mom kept Keevia so I could clean Doc's office and once it was done, I went to run more errands. So I went up to the office and got another card, then went back to get printed.

Half way through the first hand, it becomes apparent that I'm not leaving good prints. The entire middle part of each finger is blank. So, they tell me to go get another card. Nay, two more cards "just in case".

So I do so. Then I was my hands as SOON as I get in there, so they're all clean.

Card #2 of the day, #3 overall... And my fingers are still smudging. By this time I'm on my 3rd cop.

All in all, it took both cards to get decent prints. But the prints aren't on the same card. So we sent both cards, and I'm crossing my fingers they accept one of them.

Apparently I have oily finger tips (which, included with how much paper I handle from reading) means I leave really craptastic finger prints.

I'd be the perfect criminal!

Willpower FAIL

2011-01-31T16:32:00.000-05:00

Epic. Epic fail.

I had done so well today! I made Breakfast Pizzas, light on the cheese. I had a yogurt before going to down. I'd had 1 water bottle.

On the way home from town, I wanted to stop and get a mocha frappe from McDonalds. Which, by itself, wasn't the best idea. Then I found myself ordering a small french fry and a 10 piece chicken nugget.

Willpower FAIL. On all accounts. Ugh.

So now I'm feeling yucky, and so guilty. Ugh.

Tomorrow's a better day. We'll be going out for most of it (and it's so hard to eat well in town!), but I'm going to make smarter choices. I will.

My friend Tammy made a new years resolution last year to only eat fast food if they went IN the restaurant. They could get drinks at the drive-thru, but no food. I honestly think this is something I'm going to adopt. Because this is ridiculous.

And I'm still determined to get my water intake up today. 17 ounces so far. I found an awesome app on my iPod touch called "Waterlogged" that'll let me keep up with how many ounces I've had. AWESOME! This will really help, I think, I hope, I pray.

1. 2. 3. GO!